


Retrospect

by Limited_Edge



Category: Naruto
Genre: And Chouji is held captive by a Naruto/ramen inspired cult, And shippers are crazy, Female Naruto, General trauma all around to be honest, Humor, If ninja are crazy, Iruka is terrifying, Kakashi's emotional crisis, Multi, Sakura becomes a freaking mob boss, Shikamaru loses his shit, Surprise Pairings, The Author Regrets Nothing, The Bet, This will probably end in a torch and pitchfork wielding mob, What does that make ninja shippers?, slight crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-10-24 20:39:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 76,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10749384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Limited_Edge/pseuds/Limited_Edge
Summary: In which the post war shinobi nations have nothing better to do than gamble, Ino starts the apocalypse, and Iruka is a catatonic mess. Most terrifying of all is Kakashi's emotional crisis, where he FINALLY puts the pieces together... Meanwhile, Naruto is finally going to confess to the love of her life- believe it!





	1. The Bet

The day Konaha went to hell in a hand basket was surprisingly sunny.

It was a nice, inauspicious day- vendors prepared their merchandise in the markets, and early-duty shinobi raced across roof-tops, all enjoying the warm summer breeze- oblivious to the terror that would shortly begin. The day would be remembered as one of the three times Konoha was declared ‘No Man’s Land’ by the other shinobi nations, the first being the disastrous chain reaction caused by the first Tora mission, and the second being the day Maito Gai discovered green spandex. But presently, there was no inkling of the doom that would soon befall the peaceful village.

Oddly enough, the catastrophe of a day began with a single event- Ino Yamanaka had finally convinced (blackmailed) Naruto into helping her find clothes for a date.

Considering the Yamanaka heiress’s history with men and all around acknowledged allure, it wasn’t odd for her to be preparing for a date with her chosen victim. What _was_ odd was the company she had chosen to drag along for her wild shopping spree.

Since the blonde war-hero was a diehard tomboy that wore an eyesore of an orange jumpsuit, it begs the question of Ino’s sanity that she would bring this particular companion along for a shopping spree of all things. Looking at their opposing interests, they shouldn’t even have been friends.

Though they hadn’t gotten along during their academy days, what with Naruto being too busy pulling pranks on her poor academy sensei and Ino’s disgust of the prankster’s fashion choice- along with other… distractions (a certain duck butt-haired boy to be exact), times had changed. After Naruto had returned from her training trip with Jiraiya, they had become, if not friends, at least friendly acquaintances considering the Rookie Nine’s semi-regular lunch get togethers.

The fourth shinobi war had only strengthened these tentative bonds, and though the blondes were VERY different, they had found mutual ground in their pride as Kunoichi. A shared hidden love for all things Icha Icha also helped (although _that_ was not public knowledge).

So it wasn’t odd to see Ino and Naruto together, but it certainly was an… experience to see the fondly named ‘Orange Menace’ crammed into a variety of girly dresses, skirts, and blouses while Ino cackled ominously at sale prices. Though they were contributing factors, it wasn’t just out of feminine solidarity or the pleasure of seeing the disgruntled tomboy actually acting like a girl that Ino had arranged this outing, however. No, Ino had A Plan. A brilliantly simple plan to get the inside scoop necessary to win The Bet, and the glorious wealth that came with it (shopping trips are expensive, you know!)

The originations of The Bet are unclear, though rumours suggest that it began after the Chunin invasion, while others even suggest after the infamous Wave mission. Regardless of its beginnings, the once small betting pool believed to have been started by the Sandaime himself had evolved into a global phenomenon, participants ranging from virtually all of Konaha, the majority of shinobi from every village, and even a few travelers from the outer continents. Rumours say that even the Raikage, with his well-known hate of gambling, had daned to join The Bet, though that was highly improbable… 

Over the years of The Bets growth, numerous contenders had been added as new Intel came to light, and the current pot for the winners had reached Daimyo levels of wealth. Funnily enough, the Fire, Lightning, and Hot Water Daimyo were actually participants of the bet. So what could this mythical bet be, that the winners could become some of the richest alive, their names famous for years to come as ‘The Victors’?

…The Bet was who Naruto would confess to and eventually end up with.

Though it may seem ridiculous, the participants of the bet never treated it like a joke. The betting pool that was once small because of the demon container’s previous unpopularity had expanded exponentially with her accomplishments and newfound popularity.

It certainly helped as well that the though the blonde in question was a tomboy to the core who wouldn’t know fashion sense if it rasenganed her in the face, she had grown to be beautiful. Of middling height at 168cm, with a shapely body, a mischievous smile, bright blue eyes, and short blond hair as fluffy as any dandelion, Naruto had admirers aplenty. But it wasn’t who she had ensnared with her… _loud_ brand of charm over the years that mattered- it was who had managed to charm the self-proclaimed most unpredictable shinobi that would determine who became the wealthiest men or women alive.

All contenders had stringent ‘loyalists’ who had various Intel proving their contender was ‘The One’, and many shinobi over the years had attempted to guide Naruto to their candidate choice. (The Raikage was said to have only allowed the training trip between Killer B and Naruto as a way to guide the outcome of The Bet, but that was most likely hearsay…). But regardless of mounting evidence for various contenders, no ultimate victor was forthcoming, and Naruto’s love life continued to lack to the dismay of many.

Cue the machinations of one self-styled matchmaking extraordinaire, Ino Yamanaka.

As a self-proclaimed guru in all things love, Ino knew that she of all people would be capable of cracking the impenetrable nut- or in this case, Hokage-to-be, and sniff out the information necessary for the ultimate victory. So great was her drive to out the truth that Ino had turned up her nose at the unwritten rules of The Bet: Make sure Naruto DOESN’T find out, no foul play to speed up the outcome, and no sabotaging possible contenders.

Which brings us back to the ill-fated shopping trip. Currently, the blonde duo was browsing one of the more expensive clothing stores, and in particular, the dresses.

Ino emerged from her fitting stall with a twirl, throwing her hands outwards as she posed before the disgruntled Naruto, who was currently testing the ability of the waiting chair to swallow her whole.

“So,” Ino began, and gave another twirl of the knee length purple dress for emphasis. “What do you think?”

Naruto raised half-lidded eyes to Ino’s sparkling ones, and mustered a pained smile that showed far too many teeth. “It looks great, Ino! You’re gonna knock that bastard onto his pale ass when he sees you.”

Ino wrinkled her nose in response. “First off, he has a name! Sai was temporarily on Team 7- the least you could do is call him by his name.” As Naruto geared up to begin one of her well known rants about the deserved name calling of, “The creepy ass moron! He calls me She-man, you know! He tried to tell everyone I was hiding a dick!”, Ino quickly interrupted- she couldn’t let anything get her off track of The Plan, after all!

“And if you don’t really like this dress, you should just say so. I need some of the Uzumaki honesty! Why else would I make you come shopping with me?” Ino finished, raising a questioning eyebrow at her fellow blonde.

The pained smile and indignation brought about by the mention of Sai were immediately forgotten as Naruto frowned, a small wrinkle forming between her brows. “Uh, pretty sure it’s not the ‘Uzumaki honesty’ crap. You got more brutal honesty in ya then the whole of the Rookie Nine put together. I actually don’t know why you dragged me along. We both know I’m not what you would call... _girly”_ Naruto finished with a shudder.

“Oh pish posh, it doesn’t matter why you’re here!” Ino exclaimed, ignoring Naruto’s mutterings of “had to come, the mind reading bitch has good blackmail material…”

“This outing of ours is in the name of love!” Ino crowed, throwing her hands together as though in prayer, eyes ascending to the shoddy dressing stall lights illuminating her with reverence befitting a master shrine maiden.

Naruto raised a disbelieving eyebrow at Ino’s display, and crossed her arms in apparent disapproval.

“Love or no love, ya didn’t need to drag me along for the ride- or use you-know-what against me. We both know you’re just gonna pick the most expensive dress in the store and call it good.” A flash of confusion glazed Naruto’s eyes, and she uncrossed her arms to bring a callused hand to ponderously rub at her chin. “Don’t see why you’d waste the money on that pale shithead though. Sai’s got as much appeal in him as a mouldy sock- you would be better off dating _Shino_ than that asshat.”

Ino pouted at Naruto’s continued abuse of her date, and crossed her arms petulantly under her considerable bust. She also rolled her eyes at Naruto’s second point- Shino was bo _ring_ , unlike Sai, who was a sexy, incredible artist with a mysterious past... Yeah, no contest. She liked having fun with her dates, thank you very much!

The pout Ino had sported soon faded into a devious smirk, however, and Naruto felt an ominous chill creep up her spine at the sight.

With a quick jolt of her arm Ino latched onto the collar of Naruto’s orange coat and heaved her into the open changing room she had just exited. Naruto’s indignant squawk went unheeded as Ino closed the door behind the orange clad blonde.

“There’s a blue dress in there- put it on!” Ino called through the door.

Furious banging and cursing was the Yamanaka’s response as she leaned against the door to keep it closed. “Come on Naruto, you wouldn’t say no after I went through all the trouble to bring you along on this shopping trip!” Taking the continued banging as the ‘let me out of this glorified closet you crazy shopaholic!’ that it was, Ino evened the odds. “If you put on that dress and are for once a decent shopping buddy, I promise to never reveal that you write-”

“OKAY! I’LL WEAR THE DRESS! JUST STOP TALKING… and you better keep your word…”

The banging from within the stall ceased, though Ino heard in its place a variety of grumbles. “…-upid pupiless demon, her and her damn dresses…”

After a few tense minutes, the grumbles abated, and a hesitant knock came from within the stall. With a predatory smile, Ino stepped aside from the door while grabbing the handle, opening it in one fluid motion.

A long moment later, Naruto emerged from her temporary prison with a heavy scowl clouding her face, but wearing considerably better attire than when she had entered. The light blue dress that Naruto wore had a modest neckline, halter strapped with an open upper back. Sky coloured fabric was comfortably snug around her bust, and faded into a darker blue laced with a flowery design that flowed to her knees, losing conformity as it drifted down. It wasn’t an overly outspoken dress, but the astronomical change from Naruto’s usual clothing made her seem a princess in comparison to her every day self.

Ino glided behind the tense form of her fellow blonde and placed her hands on Naruto’s exposed shoulders, gently guiding her around the bend of the stalls to face the public mirror. Confronted with her new visage, Naruto had to do a double take, her jaw dropping slightly at the strange new sight in the mirror before her.

“Look Naruto,” Ino began. “It’s not just about buying expensive clothes, or even wearing girly clothing. It’s about making an impression.” At Ino’s words, Naruto pulled her eyes away from her for once un-orange form and met Ino’s gaze in the mirror.

“I really, really want to look good for this date, because I think Sai could maybe be the one. That’s not to say I don’t look good all the time, because we both know I do,” Ino drawled with a lazy smirk. “But I like to go that extra mile for when it matters. I know looks aren’t everything- don’t give me that look, I’m not that shallow! - But I do think, as kunoichi, we should understand the importance of appearances and making an impact. These dresses are our armour, and they put our targets off balance. In the battle for love, I’ll take any advantage I can get.”

Naruto maintained Ino’s gaze, her eyes focused and considering. People didn’t usually see this side of Naruto off the battlefield, so thoughtful and contemplative as compared to her usual prankster self, but Ino’s words had drawn it out.

_Now_ was the time to strike.

“…Have you ever been in love, Naruto?” The shoulders beneath Ino’s hands instantly tightened. “Have you ever felt like you were falling, the world rushing by into nothing when that special someone looks into your eyes? Have you tossed and turned at night, incapable of sleep because the cruellest of emotions has tied your head and heart in knots? And have you ever felt so alone, so cold and empty, that nothing feels like it can ever be bright or warm again… And then they laugh- they smile that smile, and suddenly the oblivion is history, and all that matters is the present you share with them.” Leaning in close so her mouth was in line with Naruto’s ear, Ino whispered- “ _Have you ever been in love?_ ”

Naruto was silent as the dead in response. But Ino was patient, and after long, lingering silence, Naruto’s steely withdrawal cracked. “…Yes. I am in love.”

Ino barely maintained composure in the face of this blatant admission, internally squealing with glee. She was almost there! That money was practically hers!

“So,” the Yamanaka appealed, “are you going to tell this love how you feel?”

Naruto suddenly became interested in the details of her attire, and broke eye contact with Ino to stare down at her hands as they fiddled with the lacework of her dress. “…he already knows how I feel. I’ve dropped enough hints to crush a damn _cow,_ and he’s not an idiot. He knows, but he’s never going to acknowledge the truth of how I feel for him. Hell, I even wrote… THAT to get his attention, and he still hasn’t confronted me.” Naruto’s shoulders began to shake with faint tremors, emotions she had previously contained slipping through, her voice becoming louder and louder as she built up steam.

 “He’s NEVER going to see me the way I see him- he’s acting like these… feelings I have for him will go away if he ignores them, and I think he’ll never return them because in his eyes, I’ll always be that immature kid in the orange jumpsuit, yelling her dreams of being Hokage to the world.”

Ino was stunned as she watched Naruto, one of the strongest people she had ever met, crumple in on herself, glassy blue eyes staring sightlessly down to the floor while her hands drooped to her sides, no longer fidgeting. She was the image of defeat, and it broke something in Ino to see her friend this way.

“That is bullshit!” Ino hissed. With a quick jerk of her arms, she spun Naruto around so they were face to face, and once again planted her hands on her distraught friends shoulders as she leaned in, bridging the distance between them.

“Naruto, you are incredible. You have worked hard and earned every scrap of respect and happiness you now have. You are a strong independent woman, and you don’t need no man!”

With that final exclamation, Ino finished her tirade with a heavy breath, attempting to calm herself as Naruto stared back with wide eyes, sadness momentarily forgotten as a quiet “Woah!” left her lips.

But Ino wasn’t finished. After taking a second settling breath through her nose, Ino let out shaky exhale, and continued once again, this time in a gentler tone. “You are the literal saviour of the shinobi world, the Hokage to be, and the Most Unpredictable Kunoichi. If he doesn’t take you seriously, he’s a real loser. But I think if you charge in and tell him how you feel,” Ino whispered with a wry grin, “You’ll make him acknowledge you. Dropping hints is good and all, but I think it’s time for some of that Uzumaki honesty. Worst case scenario, he still turns you down. But at least you’ll have given it that final shot, and you won’t regret a single thing.

“So, Naruto, what are you waiting for?” Ino demanded. “Go give that moron a piece of your mind, and tell him how you feel!” Naruto’s eyes were reverent as she gazed back at her friend, and for the first time since entering the store, her signature grin stretched across her cheeks.

“I’m gonna make him acknowledge me- believe it!” With a fist pump to the air, Naruto completed the image of determination. However, an abashed grin took the place of her previously vibrant one, and her raised fist fell down to sheepishly scratch the back of her head.

“Uh, sometime today, at least- I gotta make sure I know what I’m gonna say first!” With a resolved bob of her head, Naruto began to saunter towards the exit of the store, a happy blush decorating her cheeks as she fiddled with the hitai-ate around her neck. Before she could finish her grand exit, she comically froze mid stride, and pivoted on her heel.

“Thanks, Ino!” she called backs with a cheery grin. “I really needed to hear that- it would’ve taken me forever to build up the courage to do this otherwise!” After giving a boisterous wave to her newfound love-guru, Naruto finally escaped the store, racing to who-knows-where, leaving a bemused Ino in her wake.

The female clerk at the front desk blinked dazedly after the exiting blonde, and mumbled out, “Damn brat didn’t even pay for the dress…”

The other sales clerk, a portly man with a rage of blue hair, didn’t share his coworkers concerns. “Holy shit, Keiko, who cares if she didn’t pay?! You heard what she said, right? Naruto’s gonna confess today! _The Bet might finally have a winner!_ ”

An ominous chill, much like the one Naruto had experienced earlier, crept up Ino’s spine as she registered the clerk’s words- her plan had been to fish out information, and use that Intel to discover the blonde’s possible love. That had been the whole reason for this shopping trip! But in the face of Naruto’s depressing resignation, she had forgotten her goal, and had instead possibly accelerated the end of The Bet, with no reward to show for her efforts.

Fellow shoppers, who had up until now simply been eavesdropping on the blondes conversation (it was a shinobi village, after all), soon reached the same wordless epiphany.

“Dear Kami, the end has come,” the female clerk whispered as hell descended upon her store.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As said in the tags, the pairings will be a surprise- if the imminent terror of not knowing the ships in this fic terrifies you, I would suggest backing away slowly... To those who will stay for the coming chapters- hold onto your seats, cause things are going to get a little crazy- ninja-shipping level crazy....


	2. Code Orange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Konoha's descent into chaos begins...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a warning, the story will shift between flashbacks and current events from here on out. I tried to make the changes obvious, but let me know if it's at all confusing.

With the speed of shinobi gossip, everyone in Konoha knew within the hour, and by lunch the participants from the other villages and countries knew thanks to handy dandy summon messages.

Konoha was a frenzied mess. Citizen’s scrambled to reach the various hidden betting sites scattered about the village, and rampant ‘debate’ more akin to bar fights broke out in all directions. The few not driven with shipping madness hid out the storm, taking shelter in designated safe houses created for terror such as this. They made sure to place their bets at one of the hidden betting stations before they did though- they were scared, but they weren’t _stupid_. The Bet was worth a lot of money!

Most of the Hyuuga had sequestered themselves away in their compound, comforting a distraught Hinata and licking the wounds of their defeat. Naruto had clearly said she would confess to a ‘him’, not a ‘her’, after all. Poor Hinata was clearly no longer a contender, and the Hyuuga were ashamed to find that they had backed the wrong horse.

At Ichiraku’s Ramen Stand, Iruka was a catatonic mess. The man considered to be Naruto’s brother figure had taken the news of her impending confession hard, and was currently trying to drown himself in his ramen broth. A few desperate jounin and chuunin had tried to wheedle information on The Bet out of him, but were promptly knocked out with a stapler and a creatively used correcting pen for their troubles. To add insult to injury, they were splattered with feathers and orange paint, and hung upside down outside of the ramen stand as a clear warning to any other trespassers. The rest of Konaha wisely made the decision to stay clear of the restaurant and Iruka’s psychotic strength.

Meanwhile, Intel agents hiding within Konoha had promptly sent out coded messages to their home villages in the wake of this man-made (or more correctly, Yamanaka-made) disaster. “Abort, Konoha Death Con 10!”, “Shitstorm is a go, repeat, Shitstorm is a go!” along with “The end has come, run for your lives!” being a few of the messages sent. But one message in particular was the same regardless of the agent sending it, as decided upon by the Kage’s in the aftermath of the fourth shinobi war as being an alert of global importance- “Code Orange, countdown commence.”

 

Xxx

 

While Konaha degenerated into a hellish nightmare, the likes of which hadn’t been seen since ‘The Day of Youth’, the current Hokage Hatake Kakashi meandered around the village, dodging destruction with the practiced care befitting a shinobi of his calibre. The picture of lazy calm, one might even think he was unaffected by the news of Naruto’s impending confession. They would be wrong. So very, very, wrong.

Internally, the ever-late shinobi was panicking more than ever before. Considering his ties to the blonde on everyone’s mind and the close bond they had formed over the years, Kakashi was one of the few, if only people with a chance of determining the object of Naruto’s affection before the approaching deadline of her confession. But just because the pieces to the puzzle were within his reach didn’t mean Kakashi, with his limited social skills and inability to handle human emotion, was up to the task.

Kakashi idly pondered from his current perch on top of the Hokage Tower whether anyone else would learn the horrifying truth he had spent years ignoring. Few others had Intel like he did, and he knew that info on The Bet was worth its weight in gold.

Sakura, his devious little student, was apparently lording her superior knowledge in regards to The Bet over the rest of the village. Considering how she had seemingly gone mad with power and was currently using her insight on Naruto’s love life to set up a mob-like following at the hospital, it was a good thing that his pink-haired student had never had Hokage aspirations like his other two minions.

As he finished reflecting on the insanity of his previously dubbed ‘only normal student’, Kakashi let out a defeated sigh. If Naruto was finally willing to pull out all the stops and confront the truth, he could for once bother to stop ignoring the facts and face reality. It was time to crack the puzzle, though Kakashi knew that he already had the answer.

As a pottery store down below caught fire, and ‘Shipping Cults’ formed with enough zeal to match a jashinist, Kakashi closed his eyes to the literally flaming present and dove headfirst into the murky waters of the past.

 

Xxx

 

It all began the day of the Genin team assignments.

As was the norm, Kakashi had risen bright and early, efficient in his morning routine. Feeding his dogs, putting on his mask (and back up mask), leaving an annoying message for his Mokuton wielding Kohai, and dodging Gai on his morning run. Then, Kakashi spent a good three hours by the Memorial Stone until he was sure that he was sufficiently late for his cute new students, and made his way to the academy.

Pausing before the door  that he knew lead to the hellion who in another lifetime would have been his little sister, and the younger cousin of the best friend he had failed, Kakashi prepared himself for the worst as he opened the looming door.

The worst was apparently a falling eraser.

Though it would have been easy to dodge the descending object, Kakashi let it hit its mark, clouding his already grey hair slightly whiter with lingering chalk. An obnoxious laugh rang through the near empty class, a boisterious voice yelling, “He fell for it!”

Kakashi finally raised his head.

Three sets of still so innocent eyes stared back, yet untainted by the bloodshed so common in their profession. The only boy (who had Obito’s chin and eyes oh Kami _oh kami_ ) was distinctly unimpressed, a prominent scowl twisting the face that looked so much like _his_ into a distinctly Uchiha expression. The pink-haired one seemed unable to choose between horror and laughter, and though her mouth had twisted in disapproval her eyes had lit up with glee.

The blob of orange that was shaking with the force of its guffaws from the corner of Kakashi’s eye was ignored. He didn’t want to see their faces- not on someone who didn’t even know who he was, and would look at him with ridicule.

“My first impression of you is… I hate you.”

At Kakashi’s bland admission, his two non-orange students tensed, the broody one narrowing his eyes while closing off his already blank face. Pinky looked like she would tip over the edge into sheer panic, her previously mirthful eyes wide and worried.

Finally looking towards his third student, Kakashi was surprised to see not a chastised young girl, but instead a defiant kunoichi. Her arms were indignantly crossed as she lazily leaned back in her chair, and with that condescending eyebrow raise her whiskered face looked distinctly unimpressed. Despite her ridiculous orange jumpsuit (seriously, who allowed future ninja to wear something like that?!) and the ghosts of her parents in her colouration and eye shape, Kakashi found himself not sombre as he had expected, but impressed.

Shooting her a genuine grin that was only slightly muffled by his mask, his visible eye crinkling into a happy crescent, Kakashi offered some (perhaps over the top) praise to the young prankster. “Nice prank, kid- I like the spunk. At this rate you’ll be a Kunoichi worth my acknowledgement. ” Naruto’s previously cocky body language shifted into obvious surprise. Was it really so odd to be complemented?

“Meet me on the roof in one minute.” With a whirl of leaves, Kakashi seemingly vanished. Though he had, to the untrained eye, apparently made his exit, a quick application of genjustu had hidden him in the corner of the classroom, watching to see what his possible students would do.

Naruto, who seemed in awe of the Hatake’s “wicked awesome ninja powers, dattebayo!” made no move to rise from her seat. Broody instead was the first to leave the room, with his hands angrily stuffed into his pockets and a nonchalant stroll to the door, ignoring the “so cool, Sasuke-kun!” from his pink-haired teammate.

With a final reproachful eye back at Naruto, who still hadn’t risen from her desk, Pinky skipped out of the room, her hair a trailing banner as she raced to catch up to the object of her affections.

Once her possible teammates had finally departed, Naruto’s face broke into a grin, and she reached up to fiddle with the Hitai-ate around her neck as she made her way towards the opened window of the classroom. Kakashi was surprised to see the faintest of blushes decorating her whiskered cheeks, and gave a quick rub to his eye before staring again at the strange sight the angrily named ‘Orange Menace’ made with reddened cheeks. As the devious prankster began to pull a rope and hook form the inner pockets of her jumpsuit, Kakashi caught the faintest of murmurs from her still blushing form.

“…ka-sensei was right, like always. Other people will acknowledge me too- and like my pranks!” Sticking out her tongue as her face wrinkled into a look of deep concentration, Naruto finished tying the hook and rope together as she leaned out the window. After carefully coiling the excess rope in her left hand, the blonde threw the hook from her right towards the lip of the roof, letting the rope slide through her hands with practiced ease. Carefully flicking down after a calculated pause, she lodged the makeshift grappling hook into place. After giving an experimental tug and seeing it hold, Naruto grasped the rope with both hands as she stepped from the window sill. With easy strength, she began to haul herself up.

Before she was out of earshot, Kakashi heard a final few words from the blonde.

“…doesn’t…pranks…best sensei _ever_.”

The words themselves were innocent, but with Naruto’s tone, which was so gentle and careful, they took a on a slightly… different meaning. Kakashi carefully ignored the warning chimes in the back of his head, and with ease of practice that comes with being emotionally inept, ignored Naruto’s words of praise. That was one can of worms he had _no_ intention of opening.

Best sensei ever indeed…

 

Xxx

 

Kiba woke in stages, the initial befuddled blinking of his eyes leaving them stinging with tears from the harsh light directed upon him. With a low groan, he attempted to move his jelly-like arms, but was incapable of doing so. Worry beginning to build within him, he blearily scanned his form. Ropes tied with precise care had locked him in place to the flimsy foldout chair upon which he sat, and an attempted extension of his legs proved that they too were bound. Flicking his eyes to his surroundings, Kiba was disturbed to find only blackness, the bright light fixed upon him ruining his ability to peer into the dark corners around him.

Giving an experimental sniff, the Inuzuka was able to identify, after a few sneezes, an overwhelming amount of dust, the faint musk of rotting wood tinged with mould, and… Dango?

“So you’re finally awake. It’s about time- considering the deadline we’re under, I was gonna dump you with a pail of ice water to wake you up, but I guess I’ll have to save the bath for another time, you mangy mutt. By the way, you snore.”

Despite his apparent kidnapper’s conversational tone, Kiba was no longer only mildly worried, and as his heart beat an increasingly fast and erratic tempo, the panic began to set in. That smell- that voice… It was-

“So, Kiba,” Mitarshi Anko drawled, strolling into view as she swung the interrogation lamp around to shine even closer into Kiba’s eyes. “I think you know what we want, and _you’re_ gonna give it to us. Be good, and we’ll let you go. Act difficult, and… well. I’ll let you use your imagination for that. But I can give you a hint.” Anko leaned in close to the stunned Inuzuka, a sudden glimmer catching the light revealing a kunai in her manicured hand. She trailed the weapon from the tip of his ear around the curve of his jaw to his chin, pausing as she let the point dig in. Wide brown eyes met the crazed ones of his captor’s as a manic grin stretched across Anko’s face. “My snakes are _very_ excited to meet you.”

A pathetic squeak escaped Kiba’s trembling lips in response.

“Oh Anko, stop with the bad cop act- he’s a fellow Konoha nin, not a prisoner. I’m sure we can sort this out civilly.” If Kiba was scared before, he was pants shitting terrified now. Because coming into view beside Anko, his scars creating horrific shadows on his face in the limited light created by the lamp, was none other than Morino Ibiki.

“So, Kiba, it’s time- tell us who it’s going to be. Considering you’re close friendship with her, you _must_ know- _who is Naruto going to confess to!?”_ Ibiki uncharacteristically exclaimed.

An awkward silence descended upon the three occupants of the room as Kiba stared in dumbstruck confusion at the T and I members. “…Sorry, could you repeat that? I could have sworn you just said you kidnapped me so that you could find out who Naruto likes.” A nervous laugh escaped Kiba as he shifted his eyes back and forth between the unimpressed forms of his captors.

“Don’t play coy!” Anko demanded, cutting off Kiba’s laugh. “You were one of her best friends during your academy days, and you routinely go to Kaiza’s Pet Wonderland together- if anyone would have Intel into her personal life, it would be you!”

Kiba had forgotten about his fear with the skill of a true Inuzuka, and was currently giving Anko an incredulous look. “Why the hell would I know girly shit like that?! Sure, we hung out while we were in the academy, but that was mostly to plan pranks on Iruka! If we weren’t messing around or playing hooky, we didn’t talk- she was too busy antagonizing all the academy sensei!”

Anko’s lips pursed in disapproval, and Ibiki was watching Kiba with carefully narrowed eyes. Seeing that neither of his captors was buying his words, the Inuzuka pressed on.

“Sure, we hang out sometimes now, but that was mostly to mess around! We both like animals, you know. If you really wanted to find out who she likes, you should ask Sakura- they’re on the same team, and they’re both girls! They probably talk about mushy crap like that at sleepovers, or something. Granted, Naruto’s not the girly type, but still…”

“That’s exactly why you would know!” Anko exclaimed, indignantly pointing straight at Kiba’s face, the closeness of her pointer finger making him go cross eyed as he instinctively tracked the incoming appendage.

“Anko is right,” Ibiki added. “Considering Naruto’s tomboy attitude, it is more likely that she would tell one of her male friends about her possible affections.” After giving an awkward shift of his shoulders, and looking towards some far off corner of the room, Ibiki finally mumbled, “That, and Sakura is currently holed up at the hospital running a mob. We’re not crazy enough to go anywhere _near_ her.”

Kiba, by this point, was mostly annoyed with his impromptu capture, and with great frustration interjected, “I don’t know shit! Besides, why do you care so much? It’s not like Naruto’s about to confess or anything…”

Anko and Ibiki guilty shifted in place.

“No… Seriously?! You guys have to let me go then- I need to go place my bet!” Kiba furiously began to yank against the bindings holdings him, though his struggles proved to be futile against the strength of the T and I quality rope. Kiba soon paused in his struggles, a ponderous look creeping across his features.

“Hey, do you guys know who the main contenders are?” Kiba asked, turning puppy dog eyes upon his kidnappers.

Ibiki shifted uncomfortably for a moment (he seemed to be doing that a lot lately…) but the Inuzuka’s secret weapon won out- they were masters of the wounded puppy expression! Ibiki made a mental note to bring more Inuzuka’s into T and I, considering their latent manipulation capabilities.

“Currently, the top contenders are: Sasuke, Gaara, Chouji, Killer Bee, and even Kakashi.” At that final name, Kiba broke into obnoxious laughter, and Ibiki shared a commiserating smile. It was ridiculous- Kakashi as Naruto’s possible love interest, Ibiki smiling- what next, a Nara not being lazy?

 “I know, its pretty ridiculous- it couldn’t _possibly_ be the Hokage, but a few people were keen on adding him to the list. Last I heard, a few other names were offered, but those are recent developments- obviously, in accordance with the original rules, it’s been forbidden to interfere with anyone who is a contender- wouldn’t want Naruto to be unable to confess to any possible choices,” Ibiki finished.

Kiba nodded in agreement, but a key detail- or lack of- had caught his attention. “What about Hinata? Isn’t she one of the top contenders?”

Anko snickered in response. “Naruto very clearly said she was going to confess to a man- the crybaby Hyuuga princess is indefinitely out of the running. Last I heard, she was holed up in her compound porking back cinnamon buns. I’m pretty sure she’s guilting the rest of her clan into comforting her- girl should just grow a spine, not be an annoying pest.”

Kiba’s face reddened with anger. “You- you bitch! Hinata is not a crybaby! She’s wonderful and kind, and- and you’re just jealous of her! She’s heartbroken, of course she’s upset- but at least she has an excuse! What’s yours for being a crazy snake-bitch?!”

“Why, you!-”Anko raised her fist menacingly, her face scrunching up in preparation for a heavy rant and possible dismemberment of the Inuzuka, but before she could begin her tirade, a heavy BANG! interrupted her.

The three shinobi jolted towards the direction of the noise, and light streamed in from the now opened door. The incoming light revealed that the building was, in fact, a warehouse, and a pile of boxes in the corner tipped over with the force of the door’s opening.

A flustered head peeked into the room, tousled brown hair springing up from a freckled face that was surprisingly pale.

“Boss! We have to let him go!” the newcomer shouted, racing into the room to stand at attention in front of Ibiki. His chest heaved with the force of his heavy breaths, the Chuunin vest he wore muddy and covered in suspiciously red splatters.

“Minion Number Six, explain yourself!” Anko demanded, pointing her finger in the newcomers face much like she had done with Kiba earlier.

The chuunin instinctively stiffened his back as he reported to his superiors. “Anko-sama, Ibiki-sama, I managed to escape the ‘SasuNaru’ vs. ‘GaaNaru’ brawl in the vegetable market with the new list of contenders- I had to crawl through broken glass from all the broken windows, had to out-manoeuver the Sakura gang, had to sell my limited edition ‘Icha Icha Sensei Sensei: Uncut’ to make it out alive, had to-“

“Cut to the chase, Minion Number Six!” Anko interrupted, eyes narrowed and furious. Minion Number Six gulped audibly.

“Uh, anyways, the list!” With a twitchy jerk of his hand, the chuunin brandished the blood splattered scrap of paper towards Ibiki. Gaze focused, Ibiki accepted the crumpled paper like it was a priceless artefact, and after smoothing it out, began to read intently. A moment later, Ibiki froze, his eyes riveted to a particular name on the list.

“Anko, knock him out,” Ibiki commanded, carefully folding the list and sliding it within his trench coat.

“With pleasure!” As a predatory smile crept across her face, Anko cracked her knuckles and took a step towards Kiba’s wide eyed form.

“Wait, what did I do?!” Kiba pleaded.

Ibiki held up a hand to stop Anko from following through with her task, and dropped to one knee before Kiba so that they were at eye level. He raised his hand to place it on Kiba’s shoulder, and said in a pitying tone-“You’re now a contender, and according to the sacred laws of The Bet, we can’t inhibit Naruto from possibly pursuing you. But if she confesses to you, you’ll have an angry mob after your tail of anyone who lost The Bet because Naruto chose you. May Kami have mercy on your soul...” With that final ominous end, he stood, and strode from the room.

“Dump him at Ichiraku’s!” Ibiki called over his shoulder. Anko and Minion Number Six watched their boss exit the warehouse, the door banging shut behind him. The room was once again plunged into near darkness.

“Nighty night, you mangy mutt,” Anko leered.

The interrogation lamp casting horrific shadows across her face was the last thing Kiba saw before she lashed out with her left fist. After that was only darkness.

 


	3. Ominous Foreshadowing of Doom

After their initial meeting in the classroom, Kakashi met his students on the roof. 

Of course not right away- he gave them an extra fifteen minutes to stew in anger, and then reappeared once again in a swirl of leaves. Broody was still broody, Pinky was still quietly furious, and Naruto was-

“That was awesome, dattebayo!”

…Still very, very impressed with Kakashi. Putting aside the strange and unwarranted praise, Kakashi had the little hellions introduce themselves. The results were worrying- Broody was a psychopath with a brother complex, Pinky a bipolar rage monster of a fangirl, and the orange prankster was apparently obsessed with ramen. If she ever actually became Hokage, Kakashi figured it would be for one of two reasons- either she had yelled and pranked Konoha into submission, or she had infected everyone else with her blindingly orange optimism. Kakashi prayed that she never met Gai- they couldn’t have a repeat of ‘The Day of Youth’…

After dropping the bomb that no, they weren’t genin, and yes, he did hold the fate of their entire shinobi careers in his porn holding hands, Kakashi pulled the old “Don’t eat breakfast, you’ll just throw up” line. It was up to them whether they would blindly follow his directions. 

While Broody sauntered off with Pinky trailing behind him, probably still grumpy about the nickname he had received, Kakashi directed his gaze to the remaining blonde. She was fiddling with the headband around her neck with a look of extreme concentration, and was getting up to leave. No time like the present…

“If you’re not too busy fiddling with that hitai-ate of yours, I’ve got a question for you, blondie.” Instantly coming to attention, Naruto dropped her hand like the Hitai-ate was on fire, and looked up into Kakashi’s lone eye, lips pursed and a furious blush decorating her cheeks. 

…Seriously, what was with the blushing? It’s not like she had a cru- no. No no no no. Not going there.

“You’ve been surprisingly…”

“Awesome? Incredible?”

“…tame. I know your reputation with authority figures- a single falling eraser is positively tame for you. So- what’s up?”

Naruto blinked dazedly at Kakashi, and after giving a quick shake of her head, she finally replied with a sheepish grin. “Well, you know, Iruka-sensei was going on and on about respect and all that, and I guess some of it finally sunk in, especially cause, uh…” 

And there was the blush again. 

“I get it. Just had to make sure you weren’t lulling me into a false sense of security.”

Naruto beamed at him, her bright grin and squinted eyes making something in Kakashi’s chest catch- she may act like Kushina, but she had Minato’s smile. 

“Don’t worry; I made a promise to respect you. And so far, you’ve really, really earned it. You liked my prank, you called the teme ‘Broody’, and you’ve got sweet entrances and exits- you’re pretty high up in my books!” With a last cheerful smile at Kakashi, Naruto leapt to her feet before racing to the edge of the roof. The grappling hook she had used before was still in place, and Naruto was just as capable at scaling down buildings as she was at going up them. Kakashi stared transfixed at the hook, before it too disappeared with a flick. 

Kakashi figured Minato was preparing to strangle him in the afterlife.

Shit.

 

Xxx

 

The next morning, the bell test didn’t go quite as expected.

Though he had been considering it, Kakashi didn’t use the ‘Hundred Years of Pain’ technique on Naruto- he wasn’t sexist, and had no problem fighting kunoichi, but it seemed… wrong to use it on the little girl that apparently thought he would make a good sensei. While Broody was revealed to be incapable of teamwork, and Pinky weak bodied and willed from lack of exercise and boy obsession, Naruto happily surprised him. Her taijustsu, while not the cleanest, was highly unpredictable and showed great promise. Her trapping skills were also at least high-chuunin level, and the trap she had set up with a paint bucket and pressure sensor had actually almost caught him. Her genjutsu skills, however, were absolutely terrible, and there was little coordination between her kage-bunshin. Her performance wasn’t the worst he had seen though, and as a result it was the pink-haired civilian that he tied to the post.

Once again rising above his expectations, Naruto put aside her apparent dislike for Pinky and cajoled Broody into helping her feed their teammate. The looks of wonder on their faces when he told them they passed were more heart-warming than he ever could have imagined. The cherry on top occurred when Naruto stayed behind to free Pinky from her bonds, and the two shared a celebratory smile. She had apparently taken what he had said about the importance of teammates to heart. 

Something within Kakashi suddenly brought up a sobering thought- if Minato was here, he would want Naruto to know how proud he was of her. But he wasn’t, and never would be. So the self-made task fell upon Kakashi to complete.

Before Naruto could leave the training ground, Kakashi signalled for her to stop with a raised hand. Still looking down at his other hand, from which he read his precious Icha Icha Paradise, Kakashi drawled out, “I’m glad you see the importance of teamwork, Blondie- I hope you’ll continue to reach out to your teammates. They may be stubborn, but I’m pretty sure an unpredictable kunoichi like you could turn them around. You really did earn that headband, and should be proud to be a shinobi of the leaf.”

His piece finished, and feeling rather proud of his motivational skills (take that Kurenai, he wasn’t completely inept at human interaction!), Kakashi began to walk away from his lone remaining student, becoming entranced with ‘Sango-chan’s’ unrequited love for the sexy ‘Miroku-kun.’ 

“D-don’t say stuff like that while reading porn!” Naruto exclaimed from behind him. Lazily lifting his head and looking back at his new minion, Kakashi was exasperated to see a now familiar sight: Naruto blushing, one hand lightly tracing the metal insignia of her Hitai-ate while the other remained stuffed in her jumpsuit pocket, shoulders hunched and gaze downwards.

“Mah, mah, Blondie, porn is important you know,” Kakashi said with an eye smile. “It’s a man’s most precious possession, the sure-fire way to his heart.” After giving an overdramatic swoon at the wonders of porn, Kakashi dropped the act and gave a smaller, though more genuine grin to his minion. “Take the complement as it is, regardless of what I’m reading- acknowledgement comes in the strangest of ways.” 

Resuming his careless stroll out of the woods, Kakashi threw one final jibe over his shoulder. “If you keep blushing like that, you’re gonna turn into a tomato!” Ignoring the surprised squeak of his student, Kakashi finally exited the training grounds. 

Part of him couldn’t help but worry over the constant blushing, seeing it for the ominous foreshadowing of doom that it was. But that was a problem for another time, and for someone who actually knew how to handle a pubescent girl’s emotions. Besides, she couldn’t possibly have a cru- no. Nononono. Not going there. If he ignored the problem, it would go away eventually...

 

Xxx

 

Momentarily escaping his memories, Kakashi sighed dejectedly from his position on top of the Hokage tower. All this reminiscing was bad for his health, and he knew the memories would only get worse from here. A younger version of himself would have read some precious Icha Icha to calm himself down, but for… various reasons, that wasn’t an option anymore.

Deciding to take a break from his recapping, Kakashi took in the scenery of his precious Konoha, sure that that would bring him back to tranquility. 

He promptly became even more stressed at what he saw.

The hospital looked like a warzone, with scorch marks and long gouges scarring its outsides. Various mish mash battlements surrounded it, including the smouldering remains of what appeared to be a canon, along with a deep trench. An attempted hostile takeover had apparently occurred with Kakashi none the wiser. A strange pink flag had been raised from the roof, and banners of what looked to be some kind of flower trailed the outer walls. So much for his only normal student…

The rest of Konoha was much the same- garish swirls reminiscent of those that decorated the Akimichi heir’s cheeks were graphitised everywhere near the food loving clan’s compound, decorating many of the village’s flat roofs. In the distance, an eerie fog had hidden the shopping district from view. Every now and then, random weaponry would fly out from the encroaching mist, and ominous chanting and drum-banging could be heard. The vegetable market… jeeze, what the hell was going on over there?! Kakashi was pretty damn sure that that giant eyesore of a tower hadn’t been there before!

The worst by far was near the shinobi housing apartments, where various bonfires trailed pillars of smoke into the sky. Shouts, screams, and the distinct clashing of metal on metal could be heard even from the tower upon which Kakashi resided. 

Amidst Konoha’s chaos, a small pocket of resistance was visible (what with it being the only location without fire and/or destruction). Kakashi was fairly certain that the safe zone surrounded Ichiraku’s ramen stand, but he couldn’t be sure- much of Konoha’s infrastructure had been moved or destroyed in the wake of this disaster.

Luckily, most of the training grounds looked fine, with the exception of number 44. However, that deathtrap usually had ominous screeching and smoke coming from it, so not so bad. The civilian sector appeared to be untouched as well, showing that there was some consideration afforded to those without the necessary skills to fight. 

Turning his gaze away from what would later cause a paperwork nightmare, Kakashi did what he did best, and decided to ignore the problem. He could deal with this after he had finished having his introspective emotional crisis. One problem at a time, as they say. 

Kakashi once again braced himself for the hell within his mind, knowing some of the memories it contained were far worse than the terror Konoha was experiencing now. No one could possibly be in as much trouble as he was!

 

Xxx 

 

Chouji feared for his life.

“And with this Ramen, blessed by the Orange Staff, I shall bring you into the covenant of our Brotherhood!” A crazed Suna jounin cried, throwing his arms to the air. The bright orange robe he wore became splattered with broth as he jostled the bowl in his hand. 

In front of the roof that the jounin stood upon, a crowd of followers that must have ranged in the hundreds cheered, the orange of their robes the only colour that was able to pierce the murky mist surrounding them.

Chouji cleared his throat from his kneeling position in front of the roof. “Uh, I just heard you guys were giving out free barbeque- this is a bit much for me,” Chouji interjected, letting out a nervous laugh as the two apostles of ‘The Orange’ on either side of him tightened their grip on his arms. The Suna shinobi in charge of the deranged cult paused in his sermon to induct the Akimichi into ‘The Orange’, and peered down.

“You don’t know what you need, son- that’s why we lured you here with the promise of barbeque!” the Suna jounin exclaimed. He then projected his voice to the audience once again with a subtle application of chakra to his throat. “Before I found ‘The Orange’, I too, was lost! So confused, placing silly bets on any shinobi that had caught her eye, supporting the sinking ship that was NejiNaru…” 

The leader paused in his speech and the audience momentarily ceased their fervent cult worship to bow their heads in memory of the fallen ship.

“But no longer!” The Suna Jounin proclaimed, previous vigour returned. “With the power of Ramen, the chosen of hers, we will divine the greatest secret of the universe- who Naruto will confess to… And become the winners of The Bet!” His balding head caught a trace gleam of light that had managed to leak through the mist, and his eyes contained a dark maddness. Shippers were crazy…

Chouji shifted uncomfortably, aware of the multitude of heads that turned to assess his every move. “Uh, I actually don’t care that much about The Bet, to be honest. Naruto’s my friend- it feels… wrong to bet on her personal life like this.”

Absolute silence deafened the Akimichi, and a heady cloud of killing intent began to press down on him.

“Sacrilege!” a member of the crowd called out, his rage of blue hair and pot-belly the only things distinguishing him from the masses. 

“You’re spitting in the face of the most important tradition in shinobi history!” Another member cried, sitting on a friends shoulders so that everyone in the crowd could see him as he chewed out the Akimichi heir. “The Bet has the most noble of origins- I heard that the Sandaime himself sanctioned it, and declared it a matter of global importance! This isn’t some petty bet to pass the time, or a joke!”

By now, the crowd was baying for blood, pressing in towards Chouji’s captive form. A little girl had just lifted a tomato to throw at the Akimichi heirs head when the Suna Jounin that had created the bat-shit crazy cult spoke.

“SILENCE!” he demanded. Instantly, the crowd abated, turning reverent eyes towards there mighty leader. 

“As a contender for The Bet, it is against our sacred laws to harm the Akimichi.” The mob began to mutter in protest, but a raised hand from their leader once again quelled them. “We took over this shopping district, knowing that it had a betting station. We shrouded it with mist to hide the wonders of our truth from the non-believers, and even still continue to battle the rebels who dare to face us. And now, we will use this Akimichi to our advantage. It is only he who has ever bested the ‘Orange Menace’ in a Ramen eating contest- let him prove himself worthy of his freedom. His eating of the sacred Ramen for our sake will allow us to divine the object of Naruto’s affection from the dregs of the broth! And if he fails? Why, then we’ll make him regret ever crossing us… Once The Bet has ended, of course.” 

The cult hollered and screamed their approval, and Chouji was hog-tied and hoisted onto a palanquin supported by a group of brawny Iwa-nin before he could even think of making a break for it. The Akimichi attempted to jostle himself out of the hold of his captors, but he already knew it was a lost cause. Surrounded by almost two hundred shipping crazed shinobi and civilians, in the middle of their mist cloaked territory, with no allies in sight? He was doomed. He needed a miracle for any hope of escape…

As he was dragged off to enter the ramen eating contest to end all ramen eating contests, Chouji cursed the Hokage. That bastard was off having some bullshit emotional crisis during Konoha’s hour of need, the third apocalypse, even worse than ‘The Genesis of the Tora Mission’! This was what he got for trying to buy Karui a nice dress?! He hadn’t been able to stomach ramen since that last blasted eating contest with Naruto- this was going to be absolute torture! Kakashi deserved everything coming his way.

If Chouji was lucky (which he clearly wasn’t, but he could hope), the Yondaime himself would come back to life to beat the shit out of the Hatake for his inept leadership.

Naruto had better get with the love of her life, cause Chouji was about to enter hell, and something good should come out of this damn bet.

The drums of ‘The Orange’ continued to pound…


	4. Eavesdropping Leads to Reality Warping

After the bell-test, Team 7 fell into a comfortable pattern.

They would meet at training ground 7, berate Kakashi for his lateness, lightly train, and complete one or two D-rank missions a day. Occasionally, the pattern would shift slightly- sometimes they would do more training, sometimes less, and every now and then they would get a day off.

All in all, there time as genin and jounin sensei was surprisingly peaceful. Naruto’s shy disposition faded as they grew to know one another, though Kakashi still caught the occasional blush, particularly when he praised her taijutsu and trapping skills…

What Kakashi was most proud of however was the developing bond between Naruto and Pi- _Sakura_. They weren’t necessarily friends yet, but Naruto’s initial outreached ‘hand’, feeding Sakura when she was tied to the post during the bell test, had begun the building of bridges between them. Naruto and Broody were mainly just rivals, constantly insulting each other, and Sakura was still mostly obsessed with the Uchiha who couldn’t care less, but hey, you couldn’t win them all. Kakashi was just happy to remain slack in his duties and oblivious to the dramas inherit with being the sensei of newbie pubescent ninjas.

The wave mission changed all of that.

“Run!” Kakashi screamed from his watery prison. “If you leave now, you may have a chance to save yourselves!”

…Damn C-rank curse. Of course life couldn’t be easy.

But Naruto continued to surprise- risking her life to steal back her hitai-ate, then coming up with another unpredictable and fool hardy plan to save _his_ ass. Now they were hiding out at the bridge builder’s home, and Kakashi was finally attempting the wondrous duty of teaching. Great…

Naruto in particular was having difficulties with the tree climbing exercise- she certainly wasn’t dead-last quality, but her skill set did not include the fine chakra control necessary to scale the tree. Sakura had mastered the technique on the first attempt, and Broody had learned it as well after a time. Days later, it was only Naruto in the clearing now, relentlessly charging at the poor tree, her kunai continually scaring its bark. He had left her to her own devices for a while now, but no results were forthcoming.

Kakashi decided to offer a few more words of wisdom.

“This isn’t something you can beat into submission to learn,” Kakashi called out. Naruto, startled by the voice of her sensei, wildly spun around and flung the kunai she held in Kakashi’s general direction. The throw went wide and sailed almost 5 meters to his left. Raising his single visible eyebrow, Kakashi watched as Naruto spluttered and reddened, clearly embarrassed of her less than stellar reaction.

“I get that you want to learn this as fast as possible, but sometimes you need to take things slow for them to work.” Kakashi assessed his student’s wary posture, and continued. “Take it one step at a time, okay? Try figuring out the level of chakra you need before trying to run up the bark. All good things come with dedication- not necessarily with brute force, though that can help, but mostly with subtle, fine details building up to something great.” Kakashi gave his blonde student a happy eye smile and turned to leave her to her pursuits.

“Good luck, Naruto. Anyone would be proud to call you their student.”

Kakashi was almost out of the clearing when he heard the next mumbled words that stopped him cold.

“Some things are worth the time… Not just this- but people too. A precious person…”

Kakashi quickly shut his ears to his student’s mutterings. He didn’t want to dwell on her words, so he high tailed it out of there. Precious person… that couldn’t be- no. Ignorance was bliss.

 

Xxx 

 

Ino shivered as she curled in upon herself, the crate she had holed up in not allowing for much breathing room. Her back was beginning to cramp, and there was an itch below her left knee that was begging to be scratched, but Ino didn’t dare to make any movements.

The sudden clatter of footsteps raced past her hiding place, and Ino tensed in preparation for her possible discovery, but the hurried stranger carried on, and she remained hidden. Letting out a shaky exhale, Ino frowned at her current situation. She, the beautiful Yamanaka heiress, had been reduced to hiding in a random fruit crate, from her fellow shinobi no less! If ever there was an injustice, this _had_ to be it.

She was kunoichi enough to admit her mistakes though, and she may have earned their ire… It was she who had accelerated The Bet, after all.

After the events in the store, most of the occupants had high tailed out, looking to place last minute bets at the secret betting stations. Ino had escaped along with them, though once the story had gotten out, she had to dodge the pursuits of a group of deranged Aburames. They, amongst many others, were less than pleased with Ino’s interference, and had decided that it was all Ino’s fault that they weren’t ready to place their bets.

The Yamanaka had been leading her pursuers on a wild goose chase for the past three hours, with Shino in particular a hard bug to lose, and her appearance showed it. Her once meticulous blonde hair was ratted and covered in dust, and the purple dress she had put on in the store was covered in rips and streaks of mud. It was her eyes that spoke the most of her misfortune though- wide and haunted, constantly twitching at the slightest of disturbances. 

Damn it all, she should have just asked Sakura! She hadn’t learned anything from her time shopping with Naruto… right?

Now that she was finally stationary and not running for her life, Ino took a moment to reflect on her time with her fellow blonde earlier that day. A single detail stood out above all the others.

“No, it couldn’t be…” Ino whispered, eyes flickering with her racing thoughts. That gift from so many years ago, with this particular lead… Connections began to form, various clues joining to form a surprising masterpiece within her mind.

“Holy shit, I know who Naruto’s going to confess to!” Invigorated by her discovery, Ino burst from her prison, terrifying a passing civilian who had foolishly been on her way to buy beets in the current chaos.

“Why the hell were you in a crate?!” the stunned woman asked, clutching her purse like a life line as her frazzled brown hair whipped with the wind.

“That doesn’t matter- what matters is that I’m gonna be rich!” Fist pumping the air, the previously down-trodden Yamanaka glowed with determination, the dirt and mud lining her skin insignificant in the face of her Uzumaki worthy grin.

“Suck it, Forehead- Yamanaka Ino still has some fight left in her!”

A cloaked figure observing from a nearby roof suddenly jumped down, terrifying the civilian even further. As the woman let out a garbed litany of swears at the ninja and dropped her bag, Ino looked back at her pursuer with a cocky grin.

“Catch me if you can, Shino,” Ino purred. Turning on her heel, a banner of dirtied blonde hair and her ripped purple dress trailing in her wake, Ino made her escape, racing to the nearest betting station.

“What a woman,” Shino mumbled.  After giving his head a quick shake, the Aburame continued his pursuit, racing to catch up to the cackling Yamanaka.

“Crazy shinobi and their messed up courting,” the civilian woman murmured. After patting down her green dress, she picked up the purse she had dropped upon Shino’s surprise arrival and began to walk down the street, carefully sidestepping broken glass and large stand up posters promoting different ‘ships’. On the many signs, graffiti had been used to paint and repaint over the current ship proclamation, with ‘SasuNaru’ and ‘GaaNaru’ the two in greatest conflict.

“This wouldn’t happen if they could have normal relationships and hobbies like the rest of us,” she mumbled, using the age-old practice that comes with being a resident of Konoha to ignore the shipping war happening in the square across from her. Shinobi would be shinobi, but she would have her beets, damnit!

 

Xxx

 

“It’s crazy out there, Kazekage-sama!” A haggled looking chunin exclaimed, eyes maddened and uniform covered in sand and grit. “The ‘GaaNaru’ supporters are determined to open a gateway to Konohagakure so that Naruto can reach you, and they were even discussing simply _pulling_ her towards Suna, but… I don’t think it’s _our_ Konoha we’re making contact with.” The chuunin absentmindedly rubbed at metal plate along his arm. The hiate-ate, which was usually a piece of pride for the Suna shinobi and kept impeccably polished, was dulled to a grey sheen, the weathering of the storm raging outside doing more to ruin it than the fiercest of sandstorms ever had.

The Kazekage had his back turned to the messenger, and was staring blankly out of the window in his office. He didn’t need anyone to tell him of the chaos Sunagakure was undergoing… He could see it clearly enough for himself.

Unlike in Konoha, there were no shipping wars occurring in Suna. Over 90 percent of the population were staunch GaaNaru supporters, and the few who were not were quiet with their opinions. They were in enemy territory, after all.

What Suna _did_ have was an overabundance of support for their national ship. Whether or not the other nations agreed, they _would_ make it sail.

Hence the portals to other dimensions littering his village.

There must have been only a dozen in total, but those were enough to cause havoc. Suna had never been the greatest at seals (hello, crazy Jinchuuriki’s that can’t sleep without having their souls eaten by a demon?) but they didn’t lack creativity or effort. It also helped that a shinobi had recently returned with seal schematics he had acquired through… highly secretive means… ( Which is code for eavesdropping on a drunken Naruto as she messed around with seals- Uzumaki’s always came up with their greatest works when inebriated.)

The results were mildly horrifying. Most of the attempted gateways to Konoha seemed to open up to blank nothingness that acted like black holes- the post office itself had been sucked up within one, but luckily everyone had been evacuated in time. You would think that would be enough of a wake-up call, but shippers were absolute nutjobs…

“Sir,” the chuunin continued, awkwardly shifting in place, “I don’t mean to be a nay-sayer, but… I don’t think Naruto plans to confess to you. Everyone here is clinging to a fool-hardy dream, and, pardon me for saying this, but… I think you should tell them so. Before one of those portals brings something _here_.”

Gaara didn’t reply for a moment, but after a pause, he sighed and hunched in on himself. He turned to face the anxious shinobi before him.

“Kensuke, I know she doesn’t plan to confess to me- I’ve known since the end of the fourth shinobi war.” Gaara’s eyes went distant as he absentmindedly murmured to himself, lost in his memories. “I saw her looking at _him_ , once the battle was finished- she had this… _look_ in her eyes.” Gaara traced the wooden grain of his desk, his body hunching in on itself as his voice trailed off to an almost illegible whisper.

“It was like _nothing_ mattered except for him. I was standing right next to her, but in that moment I might as well have been a ghost.” Gaara lifted desolate eyes to Kensuke, and managed a small, tired smile. “It was then that I knew I was no match against him- at least in her eyes. No, there is nothing in this world truly left for me…”

Gaara suddeny perked up, and beamed at the stunned Kensuke while flashing the victory sign. “Except the title of ‘victor’ once I win The Bet!”

Kensuke stared in dazed confusion at his leader, who was wearing an overly large and uncharacteristic grin. “But sir, _everyone_ knows you’re in love with her; _how_ can you take this so _easily_ -”

A heavy killing intent pressed down on the chuunin, stopping him immediately in his speech. Gaara’s grin had taken on a deranged edge, and he took a menacing step towards the chuunin, his head tilted in a lopsided and crazed manner.

“Kensuke, if I don’t use the possibly of winning The Bet as a coping mechanism, I’ll fly into a rage, the likes of which hasn’t been seen since I held Shukaka. _Would you like that to happen_?” Kensuke furiously shook his head, eyes wide and fearful. “I didn’t think so. So let’s just sit back and wait for this to all even itself out. As for the dimensional portals… Our village isn’t _that_ good at seals. I’m sure nothing will go too wron-”

BOOM!

Gaara and Kensuke froze. Out on the streets, a _nightmare_ emerged.

“Oh Kami, no! The end has come, _it has COME!”_

*Incoherent screaming*

Crrrracccckkkk- BANG. BANG. BANG.

Gaara and Kensuke turned towards the window. The chuunin promptly passed out at what he saw.

The Kazekage stared with wide eyes at the overwhelming sea of orange spilling from the many portals. “Lock down.” Gaara whispered. “LOCK DOWN!” The Suna black ops, who had been hidden within his office until now, raced away to carry out the order. Gaara strapped his gourd to his back, tied a headband around his forehead, and painted dual horizontal lines of black paint on either of his cheeks. With determined eyes, he smashed through his window, and unlike Hatake Kakashi, confronted the danger facing his village.

And so Sunagakure, for the first time in history, underwent a complete and total lock down. Not from outside threats, no. Instead, from the overwhelming mass of Narutos, many of which were violent, pranking obsessed _demons_ , that they had summoned from alternate dimensions into their midst.

This is what Suna got for eavesdropping on Naruto- _the complete and utter warping of their reality_.

Those poor fools…

 

Xxx

 

It was while they were recovering from the wave mission that Kakashi’s eavesdropping habit came to really bite him in the ass.

In his defence, Naruto had been rather quiet since the death of the fake hunter-nin, who she had apparently met before Kakashi had offered his words of advice. Currently, she and Sakura were sparring in the woods while Br- _Sasuke_ recovered from the injuries he had sustained defending Naruto. With nothing better to do, he decided to observe their fight, and possibly drop in to offer tips. It had nothing to do with him being worried for his students- nope, not at all…

After lightly sparring for about half an hour, the two kunoichi had decided to take a break, and were trading a water bottle back and forth as they cooled down. Kakashi lazily leaned against the trunk of the tree upon whose boughs he now relaxed, idly listening to their conversation below him.

“I need to get stronger,” Sakura began, eyes focused on some far off corner of the woods from her seated position against the trunk of a scarred tree- the same one Naruto had practiced her wall-walking on earlier.

Naruto, who was lying on the grass with her hands behind her head, tilted her head up to look up at her pink-haired teammate. “You will, Sakura…” she murmured. After a moment, she wrinkled her nose in distaste. “It’s not just for the teme that you’re doing this though, right?”

Sakura rolled her eyes, and threw a nearby twig at her teammate. “Don’t call Sasuke-kun teme, Naruto. And no, it’s not just for him.” A self-depreciating smile stretched across Sakura’s cheeks, and she sighed before continuing. “I was really useless during the wave mission. You, Kakashi-sensei, Sasuke-kun… You all fought your hardest. And I watched from the sidelines, doing nothing.”

Naruto was silent for a moment, before huffing and rolling to a seated position. Her orange jumpsuit was streaked with mud, and her hair was littered with leaves, but Naruto didn’t seem to care. “The past is the past Sakura- as long as you’re ready for the next fight, that’s good enough for me! No one’s perfect, after all.”

Sakura smiled in response to Naruto’s encouragement, and a comfortable silence fell upon the duo. Naruto busied herself with looking up to the distant clouds, humming quietly, while Sakura simply observed her ever-unpredictable teammate. After a moment, a sly and playful look slid onto Sakura’s face, and she drawled out, “Sasuke-kun’s perfect.”

An audible groan escaped Naruto’s lips, and she threw herself back to the grass to flop onto her back. “Always with the stupid teme, Sakura-chan…”

“Oh, come on, Naruto, even you have to admit he’s pretty amazing- the lone Uchiha of Konoha, the Rookie of the year… he even saved you from Haku during the wave mission!” Naruto threw her hands up to cover her face, and moaned like the very thought of Sasuke brought her pain.

“Okay, you might not be willing to admit he’s a great shinobi, but even you have to realize how attractive he is- his hair is never out of place, and his skin is always _perfect_. Part of the reason all the girls in our class tried to talk to him was to learn what kind of skin products he used…” Sakura finished with distant eyes, reminiscing on their academy days.

“Nah, I don’t like pretty boys. Not my type.”

Sakura blinked at Naruto’s admission, before narrowing her eyes at the blonde. “Alright, if you don’t think Sasuke-kun is attractive, who is? What’s your type?”

Naruto clearly wasn’t paying attention to what she was saying, and absentmindedly responded, “Not perfect guys. _Really_ attractive guys have scars. Especially on their faces- makes them look… _rugged_.”

Sakura stared with stunned eyes at her teammate, speechless at the blonde’s admission. Naruto, who had been absentmindedly fiddling with her hitai-ate, realized after a moment what she had said, her face instantly turning tomato red. Leaping to her feet, she exclaimed behind her to the still stunned Sakura, “Well, would you look at the time! Better get back to Tazuna’s, who knows when lunch’ll be, hehe…”

After awkwardly shifting in place, eyes darting in panic, Naruto made a break for it, running off in the direction of the bridge builder’s home. It took a moment for Sakura to process the previous conversation, but once she had she blinked her eyes rapidly before jumping to her feet.

“Get back here, Naruto! What do you mean facial scars?!” Racing off after her teammate, Sakura left the clearing behind, forgetting the water bottle she and her teammate had been sharing earlier.

Kakashi sat riveted to his position in his tree, eye sightlessly staring ahead. After a moment he raised his hand up absentmindedly to rub at his suddenly itchy left eye, the scar beneath twitching.

For the Hatake, reality threatened to warp beyond recognition... Luckily, Kakashi was used to living with madness- this too, for the sake of his fragile mental health, could be ignored. _It’s not like Naruto was attracted to men with scars, no siree!_

…That poor, poor fool.


	5. Shipping Wars and Origins

“Troublesome,” Nara Shikamaru murmured from his makeshift table, tilting his head to dodge an incoming kunai. ‘Makeshift’ because it was formed out of a few overturned vegetable crates and just large enough to hold the towering stacks of paper on it that threatened to tip with every wayward breeze.

The Nara was currently sitting outside of an old cabbage stand, which had been rolled over by an infuriated Akimichi earlier that day. The cabbage stand in question had been one of the many secret betting stations, originally set up because it was in a place Naruto would _never_ willingly go, (or could go, considering that ban was still in effect); the vegetable section of the market.  Ingenious planning, really. Or rather, planned _by_ a genius.

Only a Nara was allowed to run a betting station- at least within Konoha. Being too lazy to care about The Bet or the outcome of Naruto’s love life, it was only they who could be trusted to efficiently run what was considered the most important industry of Konoha with no foul play or leaked information.

Which was an absolute drag for the current Nara running this particular stand.

The Nara usually took turns operating the secret betting sites, and Shikamaru’s luck was apparently absolute shit- of course The Bet had to end on the day _he_ had to run the stand! The stand which was _crushed into rubble_ , so now he had to make do with some overturned crates. To make matters worse, a shipping war was in progress right in front of him, and Temari, his kind-of-sort-of-girlfriend, was the ring leader of one of the sides.

“SasuNaru!” Hagane Kotestu shouted, popping up from behind the barricade of boxes he and a large group of other shinobi had formed to the left of the stand, blocking the middle of the market.

“GaaNaru, you absolute moron!” Temari screeched back from her opposing fortress. The Suna delegates and other shinobi on her side were holed up in a considerably more impressive tower constructed from the remnants of a variety of food stands, mish mashed together into an unholy towering structure. It was the Frankenstein’s monster of defence structures, and leaned precariously with every heavy gust.

None of the ‘GaaNaru’ shippers seemed to notice, or if they did, give a shit, too caught up with their feud against the ‘SasuNaru’ shippers to care.

“My cabbages…” the poor man who was practically comatose beside Shikamaru whispered. The cabbage stand owner was hunched in upon himself, his eyes sightlessly staring at the ongoing conflict in front of them. Shikamaru couldn’t force himself to feel particularly sorry for the vegetable businessman- it was his own fault for selling out his stand to The Bet to make some extra cash! He should have known that shinobi were crazy, and that anyone even remotely connected to The Bet had no hope of coming out unscathed.

“It has to be Sasuke!” Shizune cried out, peeking over the tomato crate she currently hid behind. Genma, who was sharing her crate, threw a paint bomb at the opposing fortress to punctuate her words. “Naruto chased after him for years- I heard her, always nagging shishou for status reports on him. Clearly the concerns of someone in love!”

Kankurou snorted from his position beneath his sister, his face paint smudged into splotchy purple smears and his Karasu puppet a chewed up mess on his back. His arms, oddly enough, were raised floppily in the air, hanging invisible strings no one else could see (any Hyuuga that could was hidden away in their compound, too busy comforting the Hyuuga heiress).

“You idiot! Naruto loves her fellow jinchuuriki! During the… unfortunate chuunin exams, it was _she_ who helped him find his way, and gave him his dream to be Kazekage!” The force of Kankurou’s declaration caused his arms to shake, which in turn made the tower precariously lean. Quickly readjusting his hands, Kankurou corrected the tower with the chakra strings that were now seen to be the only thing keeping the tower standing.

“Sasuke was Naruto’s first kiss!” a purple haired civilian cried out.

“Not by choice,” Temari called down. “And besides- she risked her life to save Gaara from Akatstuki! That’s dedication to someone you love!”

“Yeah, well Sasuke and Naruto share an unbreakable bond!” Genma called from below, covertly shifting his body to block the actions of the dark-haired medic at his side, hiding that she was in the process of loading a modified senbon launcher. “The Rikudou Sennin himself confirmed their destined bond, and it was their love for each other that broke the cycle of hatred!”

“We heard things _very_ differently- I’m pretty sure the Sennin said they were his reincarnated descendants… that would make any relationship between them incest!” Temari finished with a triumphant smirk.

SasuNaru shippers gasped in unison at the enormous slight against their ship, and as one began to exude a terrifying amount of killing intent. A flurry of senbon flew towards the tower, and panicked screams could be heard as they met their marks. Kankurou, too busy managing his chakra strings, was unable to dodge the projectiles. The poison on the senbon quickly did their work, and as his eyes rolled back into his head, Kankurou fell, the chakra strings emanating from his hands fading into blue wisps, and then vanishing without a trace. The tower began to lean…

Kotetsu, the unspoken ringleader, took his place to stand upon one of the crates, and turned back to look at his comrades in arms. “They may take our lives, but they’ll never sink our ship!” Raising a sword that Shikamaru was sure had formed from nothing, the newfound leader yelled in defiance before turning to charge against the GaaNaru shippers, his fellow SasuNaru shippers racing after him.

The GaaNaru shippers responded to the challenge with violent enthusiasm- as one they descended from the monstrous tower. Temari herself glided down on her fan, before literally crashing into the fray. What followed was _chaos._

Shikamaru sighed tiredly as the fierce battle broke out in the market square. He rested his elbow on the ‘table’ and layed the side of his head in his propped hand as he considered the brawl, before letting out a snort. The Nara closed his eyes, and found himself wondering what the hell he had done to deserve _this._ What a drag…

His self-pitying was soon interrupted by a newcomer.

“Uh, excuse me, this is, uh, one of the betting stations… right?” Shikamaru drug his eyes open and lazily looked up at the intruder who dared to interrupt his attempted slumber. It was a Takigakure shinobi, probably one of the ones in the new Shinobi Village Exchange Program. His yellow eyes were twitching from side to side, and his curly black hair was a windswept mess, but his uniform itself was reasonably tidy- he must have escaped the worst of the bar-fight style brawls, then…

“Yeah- got a bet to place?”

“Uh, Yes! I’d like to place 2 000 Ryo on Inuzuka… Kiba? Pretty sure that’s his name.”

“One second,” Shikamaru mumbled, and began digging through the left most stack of paper. The Takigakure shinobi looked behind him at the current chaos, awestruck by the mindless destruction.

“Um, why isn’t the Hokage sorting this fight out? Actually, why isn’t he stopping any of this? I was just in the shopping district- there’s this creepy mist everywhere, and I’m pretty sure they’re doing some sort of… cult ritual in there to ‘determine the outcome of the bet’, involving _a lot_ of ramen. Shouldn’t the Hokage fix this? Or… is he, I don’t know, off reading porn somewhere?”

Shikamaru snorted in response, pausing in his search for the necessary paperwork. “I don’t know where he is, but knowing him he’s probably having an emotional crisis.” Ignoring the yellow eyed shinobi’s garbled “What?!”, Shikamaru resumed his search for the paper.

“Besides,” the Nara continued, “He doesn’t seem to read porn anymore- after Jiraiya-sama died, he refused to buy any of the copies under the new successor author. Which is a shame really- I’ve heard from Ino that they’re better than the original series.” Suddenly hissing in pain, Shikamaru whipped one of his hands back and stuck the pointer finger of his left hand in his mouth. “Troublesome paper cuts,” he mumbled.

Eventually, the Nara found the paper he needed within the monstrously large stack, and handed it over to the Takigakure shinobi to fill out. He held out his hand for the necessary money, and, after carefully counting the bills, placed it into a box that looked like it could double as a bear trap. As Shikamaru waited for the Takigakura shinobi to finish filling out his bet, he idly listened to a woman screaming as she ran away from the market, yelling something about ‘beets.’

Lazily he looked out to the square to watch Temari beat Kotetsu over the head with her fan, admiring the determined cast of her eyes (and the impressive heaves of her bust).

Shikamaru absentmindedly muttered, “Troublesome woman, refusing to see reason. It _can’t_ be Gaara- even the Kazekage knows that. Besides, Naruto has been in love with someone since The Bet was created, just after the wave mission…”

The Nara’s musings on the futility of the woman’s he kind-of-sort-of-was in love with’s bet were interrupted by a sudden BOOM! The monstrous tower had finally given out, and had crumpled in on itself as it crashed to the ground. Dust suddenly clouded the street from the force of its fall, and Shikamaru coughed and spluttered as he waved away the debris clouding around his mouth. He cast a discreet wind jutsu to clear the air around him, but only on a small scale so as to not disturb his papers.

Another shinobi apparently had a similar idea, because the next thing Shikamaru saw was a tornado whipping into formation, clearing away the debris… And the pile of bets that had been on his table.

Shikamaru stared blankly after the scattered papers, the papers that, if they were to be destroyed, would ruin the betting station’s worth of bets that had been created today…  The Nara had backups archives for all previous bets, which they kept copies of in each stand, but today alone had amassed an incredible amount which were not yet ‘insured’.

The voice of Nara Yoshino echoed like an ominous foretelling of doom in his head- “Those bets better not be one smudge out of place, or I’ll ground you for life!”

…A racing shinobi stepped on five papers in a row, slamming them directly into the mud as he attempted to throw his opponent off his back. A kunoichi’s wildly thrown kunai missed its intended target, and instead struck four of the papers from the air. The remaining mass of paper began to meet similar fates, one. _By. ONE_.

And Shikamaru Nara, for the second time in his life, _snapped_.

“My cabbages,” the original stall owner muttered once again, oblivious to the Nara that beside him rose out of his seat. Like a raging wave, cloying darkness swallowed the entire market. Within the man-made night, the unleashed beast proceeded to beat the _living shit_ out of everyone present.

Apparently, it _is_ possible for a Nara to not be lazy- you just have to drive them over the edge, and let the lingering threat of a mother’s punishment hang over their head.

Xxx

Shortly after returning from the wave mission, life returned to normal- or, as normal as life can get in a shinobi village.

The bonds between his students were definitely strengthening, and many other shinobi had commented on the marked change. Sakura and Naruto’s friendship was ever-growing, and the pink-haired civilian herself was working hard to be a kunoichi worthy of attention. Sasuke himself was actually commending her efforts! The relationship between the Uzumaki and Uchiha had also cooled considerably. They still weren’t exactly what Kakashi would call ‘friends’, but there was a newfound respect between them that _certainly_ hadn’t been there before.

Naruto was less likely to rant or complain about her teammate’s brooding ways, and Sasuke was easier going around the blonde. He had even cracked a smile at the last prank she had pulled on the village, an ingenious system of traps that resulted in the entire vegetable section of the market closing for a week due to a variety of chicken related incidences- it would take months for the stench to clear, and Naruto had been indefinitely banned from the premises of the vegetable market.

When asked where she had managed to acquire all the chickens necessary to pull off the pranks, Naruto had come up with some bullshit excuse that she, ‘Knew a guy from when I busted a chicken smuggling ring when I was in the academy, dattebayo!’. Honestly, who was she trying to fool? It was still a mystery where she got all those chickens, though…

Regardless, Kakashi figured things were finally looking up.

So of course the Sandaime had to pop his happy bubble of obliviousness.

“You want to what now?!” Kakashi exclaimed in panic, single eye wide with terror and body as tight as Gai’s buttocks in the face of his mischievously grinning leader.

“You heard me- I want to start a little… wager.” Sarutobi Hiruzen leaned back in his chair, and if he wasn’t so image-concerned he probably would have propped his feet on his paperwork covered desk. Giving a light smoke of his pipe, the Hokage’s eyes lit with amusement at the sight the shinobi in front of him made. “You’ve never had a problem with betting before- don’t tell me you’re _chickening_ out now?”

Kakashi cringed at the heavy handed pun, then sweated under his leader’s perusal of his form, hands clenched tightly together behind his back. Part of him wished Naruto was here in the office with him- she would have done something ridiculous by now that would have saved him from answering this particular question. Though, considering the details of the bet, it was probably for the best that she wasn’t here…

“Sir, I just feel that it would be highly… inappropriate of me to, to-”

“Betting on a genin’s love life isn’t the end of the world, Kakashi,” Hiruzen drawled out. Lightly rolling his eyes, he leaned forward to rest his chin on his clasped hands, elbows propped on his desk. “It’s a harmless little wager, just between you and me- not to be taken seriously. So I’ll say it again- I bet you that Naruto will eventually end up with Uchiha Sasuke- she’s already half in love with him!”

The Hokage innocently grinned at his frozen subordinate, inwardly chuckling at making the Hatake so uncomfortable. It served him right for always showing up late!

“…Sir, I may not want to bet with you, but I can tell you one thing- Naruto isn’t in love with Sasuke. She would rather give up pranking than be with him! I have _no_ idea where you could have come up with that.”

Hiruzen pouted at Kakashi, and the Hatake shuddered at the sight- old men should _not_ pout. That probably just shaved 20 years off his life span…

“Shortly after your mission to wave, Naruto and I had a little chat.” The Hokage looked to the side, and Kakashi followed his eyes to a picture on the desk. A little blonde girl was smiling enthusiastically from the frame, pig tails lopsided on her head and dirt smudging her whiskered cheeks.

“And you know what she asked me? She said- ‘Old-man, how do you know if you’re in love?’ You should have seen her, looking so serious- she could hardly meet my eyes! Apparently that Haku fellow she befriended on the wave mission left quite an impression on her. Learning about precious people… It really left its mark. And the young Uchiha, rescuing her from certain peril? Naruto seems to take after her mother in more than just personality…” Hiruzen’s eyes gained a misty quality as they lost focus, staring at some distant past.

Kakashi didn’t think Naruto would be so easily swayed with her affections- after all, Kakashi had also rescued her from the Demon Brothers, and she certainly didn’t like him, no siree! No, Naruto had never struck him as the type to moon after little boys. Considering the instability of her childhood, she would probably look for strength of character, steadfast loyalty, and a sense of humour (she did so love her pranks, after all). Sasuke just didn’t seem to fit. No, if Naruto did have a crush, it was on someone much, much different…

“Not to mention Sasuke’s newfound appreciation for her pranks!” Hiruzen crowed, interrupting Kakashi’s meandering thoughts. “She told me once, long ago when she was still in the academy, that the best person she knew was one who could handle a joke. She must have known, even then, that they could get on people’s nerves, but she almost treated them like… a test. A rite of passage, even. One that the young Uchiha has just passed.” Hiruzen once again leaned back in his chair, self-satisfied with his clear-cut evidence.

Realization hit Kakashi with the force of a falling eraser. But he did what he did best; smile and move along like a green maniac was on his tail.

“Mah, mah, Hokage-sama, if you’re pushing so hard, I guess I’ll see your bet. But I think that Naruto won’t end up with Sasuke- and that’s that.” Kakashi smiled with a plastic grin, the sharingan beneath his scarred eye twitching with repressed emotion.

“Excellent! I’ll just have my secretary finalize this bet. Does 1 000 ryo sound good to you?” Kakashi forced his head to bob in consent. “Good, good- Hitomi!”

At the sound of her name, the secretary in question strode into the room. She gave off a distinctly stern impression, with her orderly brown bob, wire rimmed glasses, and narrowed green eyes. She was clothed fully in black regulation ninja gear, and the only colour she sported was from the white wraps tying her pant legs. Her hands were occupied by a clipboard, and she tapped at it with a pen that looked like it could double as a knife. All in all, she was rather terrifying, in a grumpy, kill-your-joy-and-any-hope-of-reprieve-from-paperwork kind of way.

“Yes, Hokage-sama?” she clipped out.

“Take note of a bet made today- no, The Bet, between Kakashi and I. I think Naruto will eventually end up with Sasuke, but he thinks otherwise- on the table is 1 000 ryo.”

She stared blankly back at the Hokage. “You had me reschedule your appointment with the merchant guild members, and ignored your current paperwork, so that you could bet on the Orange Men- the Uzumaki’s love life?”

Hiruzen smiled cheerfully in response. “Exactly!”

“Very well, sir.” Her professional tone did little to hide her clear distaste, and she side-eyed Kakashi’s slouching form with narrowed eyes, apparently deciding that he was the source of the Hokage’s unseemly betting. She quickly wrote up the sum of their conversation on her clipboard, eyes furrowing in thought, absentmindedly making them sign the agreement she had written up. Eventually, she finished the task, but by now she seemed oddly thoughtful, and made frequent glances towards the paper in her hands. After giving a respectful nod to the Hokage, she pivoted on her heel and exited the room, leaving Kakashi to breathe easier now that the dragon of the tower was gone.

“I’ll take my leave then, Hokage-sama.” Kakashi made to escape the room, but Hiruzen motioned for him to stop before he could.

“I think we can both agree that it would be… for the best if Naruto were to never find out about this little wager of ours.” Kakashi inclined his head in agreement, and made to turn again, believing those were Hiruzan’s final words, but the Hokage wasn’t done. “And no foul play Kakashi- I don’t want you sabotaging Sasuke’s chances, or trying to speed up the outcome! The Bet will end when it ends, and not a moment sooner. This is Naruto’s personal life, after all.”

“…Of course, Hokage-sama.”

“Hitomi! You caught that, right?” Hiruzen shouted towards the hall.

After a moment, the muffled response came. “Yes sir!”

Kakashi finally escaped the Hokage’s office, tension fading as he crossed the doorway. As he made his way down the hallway, a peculiar sight caught his attention: the secretary, Hitomi, was currently huddled with a few of the other office workers, all of them discussing a sheet of paper on her desk. Fervent words were exchanged, and Hitomi was constantly making adjustments to the paper.

A trickle of unease crept up his spine, but Kakashi shook his head to clear his thoughts- he was far too paranoid. What was the worst that could happen? It was just a little bet, after all…


	6. Karma is Coming

Tenzo was currently contemplating the pros and cons of becoming a nuke-nin.

Sure, it would mean no health plan or pension and being hunted for the rest of his life, but _anything_ had to be better than staying in the hellish nightmare Konoha had become. To escape the shipping madness, he was currently hiding at training ground five. The training grounds, being one of Naruto’s prime hotspots, were the only large scale locations where no betting sites had been set up. As such, they were a refuge from every other shinobi that had been driven mad by The Bet and had swarmed the stations to have their bets placed.

Tenzo had been planning to simply wait out the disaster in his apartment, but the brawls going on in the shinobi housing sector had been downright _appalling_. The last he had seen of them, many of the buildings had been set on fire or configured into deathtraps to aid in the shipping warfare. As a user of Mokuton, Tenzo knew that it would be _him_ responsible for the majority of rebuilding. But not this time! He was a victim of this damn bet- he shouldn’t have to deal with the fallout!

Hence the contemplations of possible nuke-nin aspirations.

The mokuton wielder was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the approaching shinobi- the shinobi that was indirectly responsible for all of his current troubles.

“…and, that’s why you should give me a chance! I am a strong, independent kunoichi who don’t need no man, but, uh… I- I love you, and I want to be with you!... No, that’s no good either…” Naruto mumbled to herself, oblivious to her lone audience member who was frozen in shock at the sound of her voice. The Uzumaki was currently wandering the many trails, and was staring with furrowed brows at her feet as she made her way through the training grounds.

Tenzo had trouble picking up his jaw at the sight before him (because Naruto was wearing a dress- and planning out her _confession_ in front of him!), but he soon recovered and called out to the concentrated blonde with only a small quiver in his voice to hint at his unease.

“Uh, h-hey, Naruto… What are you doing out here?” Naruto whipped her head to Tenzo’s seated form, body tensing into a ready position, blue eyes narrowed and terrifying. After seeing who it was, she instantly relaxed, and sheepishly smiled at the previous member of her team. She absentmindedly reached up a hand to ruffle her short blonde hair.

“Sorry, Yamato, didn’t see you there! That’s, uh, a nice tree you’re sitting on. And I was… admiring the scenery?” At Tenzo’s disbelieving expression, Naruto’s smile dimmed and she sighed.

“No, that’s not it… I’m… Well I’m actually practising what I’m going to say to this guy; I’ve liked him for a long time now, and… I want him to finally accept my feelings for him.” Naruto made her way over to Tenzo, and sat beside him on the fallen tree. She didn’t seem to notice that her dress was becoming slightly dirty from where she sat, or that Tenzo had become as stiff as a board at her sudden proximity.

“I’ve been putting it off for so long cause I guess I was, I dunno, scared, but Ino convinced me to finally confront him about it. The thing is, I have _no_ idea what to say. How the hell do you tell someone you love them?! And make them acknowledge you, too, dattebayo!?” Naruto turned pleading eyes to Tenzo, who couldn’t force himself to turn away from her puppy dog expression.

“How did you make senpai notice you?” Naruto demanded.

“…What?” Tenzo feebly responded.

“You heard me! How did you get Kakashi-sensei to accept you as a, um, ‘respectable, mature adult capable of consenting to whatever they wish’?”

“…Isn’t that from the law in regards to relations between shinobi?”

“It doesn’t matter what it’s from!” Naruto exclaimed. She leaned forward and grabbed Tenzo by his vest to pull them face to face, her eyes wide and riveted to Tenzo’s. “I am freaking out here, preparing to confess to the love of my life, and you’re dicking around the answer I need! Please, Yamato- I _need_ to know- how do you make someone accept you as a responsible adult, worthy of acknowledgement? This isn’t something I can just charge into like I normally do!”

“Why not?” Tenzo mumbled out. Naruto blinked in surprise at Tenzo’s question, but narrowed her eyes after a moment.

“What’d ya mean ‘why not’? This isn’t something I can just beat up or therapy no jutsu! It’s the ‘subtle, fine details that build up to something great’.”

Tenzo stared considering at the blonde, whose chest was heaving from her previous rant. She twitched under his steady gaze, and removed her hands from his vest to do that odd nervous habit of hers- fiddling with the hitai-ate around her neck.

“Naruto, ‘subtle, fine details’ aren’t _you_ though. I think you should just straight up tell him. You just need to be confident- you can’t let this guy spin the conversation around, or get away from giving you an honest answer. So yes- you should just charge into this like you normally do, because from what I’ve seen, you always turn things around for the better in the most surprising of ways.”

Naruto gazed back at Tenzo with surprise, before her wide-eyed expression shifted into a sheepish smile. “First Ino, now you- giving me the push I really need to do this… You’re right! I’m gonna charge in and deal with this like ‘Rei-chan’, and make my ‘Hiro-kun’ acknowledge me! I can’t keep holding back because I’m scared of how this might turn out!” Naruto was grinning full force now, and Tenzo was almost swept up in the moment. He wasn’t thrown off enough to miss one detail in particular, though.

“…Aren’t Rei and Hiro names from one of the Icha Icha books?” Naruto coloured a bright red, and shifted her eyes back and forth as though looking for an escape.

“Oh, y’know, after all that time as Kakashi and Jiraiya’s student, I would obviously pick up some stuff, so that’s not weird at all…” The blonde nervously laughed.

 Naruto suddenly jumped to her feet, surprising Tenzo at the abruptness of the motion. “Thanks, Tenzo- I’m gonna go clean up a bit, maybe even put on some make up… And then I’m gonna tell him the truth, dattebayo!” Naruto beamed back at Tenzo and brandished the victory sign before finally racing away.

Tenzo hummed as he pondered their impromptu pep-talk. Naruto had noticed that she was dirty- apparently, she wasn’t as oblivious as people thought she was, and things you thought you knew about a person weren’t always as they seemed. People were always breaking past the expectations you had given them, because you only ever saw what you wanted to or expected to see. People were always maturing and changing…

Hell, Kakashi himself had certainly changed since Tenzo had first known him- he had even burned a copy of Icha Icha! If that wasn’t proof of finding maturity in unexpected places that defied all reason, he didn’t know what was!

Now; to be a nuke-nin or not to be- _that_ is the question.

Xxx

Kiba, for the second time that day, woke up in an unknown location after being kidnapped.

Absentmindedly raising a hand to rub the tiredness from his eyes, he froze at the realization that he could move his arms, and looked down. This time, he had not been bound, and was instead seated on a stool. Upon looking up, he was pleased to find not cloying darkness, but the interior of a familiar stand- Ichiraku’s.

“So you’re finally awake…” a voice to Kiba’s left droned. Whipping his head to the side, Kiba was surprised to find Iruka, as he had _never_ seen him before.

The academy teacher’s usually neat pony-tail was lopsided, and his chuunin vest was rumpled and open, decorated with splotches that Kiba was sure were dried blood. His knuckles were white as they gripped his chopsticks, and the ramen in front of him looked to be untouched. It was the dark bags and haunted quality of his old sensei’s eyes that really worried Kiba though- he had never seen Iruka so zombie-like before, and he had had to deal with Naruto during her worst pranking years!

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” Iruka quipped, not once removing his gaze from his untouched meal.

The Inuzuka jumped slightly, embarrassed that he had been caught staring. “Sorry, Iruka-sensei. Are- are you okay?”

“Oh yeah, I’m _just peachy_ ,” Iruka snipped back. After a moment, he sighed, and finally turned to look Kiba in the eyes. “Sorry for being so touchy, it’s been… A rough day. It looks like you haven’t had it so easy either- Takeshi dumped you in here earlier, said you had a run in with T and I…”

Kiba looked confusedly back at Iruka. “Takeshi?”

Iruka rolled his eyes with contained amusement, the emotion detracting from his previously ominous appearance. “Or Minion Number 6, as Anko likes to call him. That kid is way too eager to please…” A silence fell upon the two, only broken by the consistent sizzle of cooking food as Teuchi and Ayama puttered away behind the counter. After a moment, Kiba tensed, his memory finally catching up with him.

“Oh Kami, I’m a contender! I like Naruto, but not- not like that! Dating her would probably kill me, if someone pissed with the results of The Bet didn’t get to me first…” Kiba stared sightlessly at the counter, slowly beginning to hyperventilate. His internal pity party was broken by Iruka’s sudden snort of disbelief.

“Yeah, that’s not going to happen. Naruto sees you as a good friend, but she thinks you’re too immature to be serious relationship material. She also thinks you’re a bit of wimp because you couldn’t handle competing against her and Chouji in their eating contests.”

Kiba blinked dazedly at this new information. On one hand, he wasn’t in danger of being guilted into dating Naruto or killed because she had confessed to him, but on the other he was apparently an immature wimp in the blonde’s eyes.

A sudden thought occurred to Kiba- Ibiki had said Naruto would probably reveal information on who she liked to a male friend. If Iruka’s Intel was anything to go by, _he_ was that friend. Who else could it be?

“Iruka-sensei, you and Naruto are pretty close, right?” A panicked expression crossed Iruka’s features before he smoothed it over into an unreadable mask.

“Yes, we are… close.”

“Then you must know who she’s going to confess to!” Kiba exclaimed. Getting kidnapped might have turned out for the best- with help from Iruka, he could win The Bet!

Iruka’s expression was stony as he looked back at the Inuzuka. “You’re treading in dangerous waters, Kiba. I don’t appreciate all this snooping people have been doing into… Naruto’s personal life.”

“But Iruka-sensei-”

“If you try and ply me for information on this, you’ll end up like them.” Iruka tilted his head behind him, and Kiba turned around to follow the direction he had indicated. Hanging from their feet were six orange splattered shinobi covered in feathers, a sizeable lump forming on the closest one’s head from where he had been knocked out. Kiba was mildly terrified to note that some of them were _jounin_.

The Inuzuka turned back to meet the blank eyes of his companion, and audibly gulped. Scary…

“Uh, of course! It’s your private life too after all, haha…”

Iruka flinched, but after a moment dropped his blank mask and turned back to his ramen. “So, are you going to go place your bet?” he asked, attempting to resume the calm atmosphere of the stand that had been present before.

“Mmm… the rest of Konoha is a shit show right now, ain’t it?” Iruka nodded. “That’s what I figured… I don’t have a clue who she’s gonna confess to, to be honest. Besides, if you’ve become this scary because of The Bet, I don’t even wanna think about how bad everyone else is… If it’s alright with you, I’ll just wait out the storm here.” Iruka seemed to be happy with Kiba’s response, and motioned to Teuchi.

“A bowl of Miso on me,” Iruka said with a small smile.

“Coming right up,” Teuchi happily responded. A mischievous smile crept onto his face and he leaned over the counter. “It’s not going to work- that girl is an unstoppable force.” With that final parting quip, the chef retreated to the stove to cook the ramen, entering into quiet conversation with his daughter.

Iruka was still pale, but he turned to Kiba and made small conversation, slowly restoring the calm atmosphere of the stand.

“Iruka,” Kiba began, pausing from enjoying his ramen as he looked over to his old sensei, “…You do know who she likes then, right?”

Iruka was quiet for a moment, but eventually sighed and tiredly rubbed at his bagged eyes. He looked up at Kiba with an absolutely haunted expression. “Yes. I do. And that bastard is finally getting what he deserves.” Iruka turned back to his partially eaten ramen and starred into its depths like it contained the harbinger of the apocalypse. “Karma is coming…”

Xxx

It was after Naruto had returned from her training trip, Kakashi reminisced, that things _really_ turned for the worst…

“What did I do to deserve _this_?” Kakashi whimpered. Across from him, Jiraiya snickered, smirking behind his cup of sake.

The bar the two were currently in was somewhat shady, but it was renowned for being a place of secrecy- privacy seals decorating each of the booths ensured that. ‘The Broken Kunai’ was thus the perfect place for Kakashi to converse with Jiraiya. They had much to catch up on now that the sannin was back from his nearly three years long training trip.

“I don’t know why you’re panicking about this Kakashi. You should be proud of your student! She hasn’t just been editing them, either- she actually wrote the last one!”

Kakashi paled. “You mean Naruto _wrote_ ‘Icha Icha Sensei Sensei’?!

“Yep!” Jiraiya chirped. His eyes leered over at his twitching companion. “She was pretty good at writing the raunchy scenes, wasn’t she? And that storyline, the emotion! Absolutely fantastic. It’s almost like she had some personal inspiration helping her…” Jiraiya paused to take another sip of his sake.

“She’s secretly really proud of it,” the sannin continued, oblivious to Kakashi’s twitching form. “Doesn’t want many people knowing she’s the author, but she handed a few copies out to her friends to get their opinions on her writing. That chunin apparently gave it back, he practically had a conniption- but the Yamanaka with the knockers really liked it. Pretty sure she figured out it was Naruto writing them though…” Kakashi glued his eyes to the table between them, his untouched sake reflecting his distraught expression back.

“I’m gonna be perfectly honest Kakashi- this… situation reminds me of a student I used to teach back in Ame. Had the biggest crush on me, believe it or not. Anyways, I had to leave, and I never really cleared everything up between us. I still regret that, to be honest, considering it’s no longer possible for me to…” Jiraiya absentmindedly stirred a senbon in his cup, eyes glassy as he reminisced.

“…Jiraiya-sama, I’m sure Naruto doesn’t have a- a crush like your old student did. This is probably just a phase, or even a joke! She _loves_ pulling pranks. I remember Naruto saying that she had a huge prank in the works, and this it was going to fool everyone- this might be it!” Jiraiya was subtly leaning away from Kakashi by this point, eyes wide and posture clearly stating that he was weirded out. Probably worried that he would catch Kakashi’s ‘crazy’…

Noticing the sannin’s discomfort, Kakashi took a deep breath and continued in a less crazed manner. “So what if Naruto writes porn- _everyone_ has hobbies. The topic from her last book is a little… well. But like I said, it could just be a prank or, maybe… she _is_ like your other student, and… it’s about you?”

Jiraiya snorted, and turned disbelieving eyes on Kakashi. “Wow, you really like living in denial, don’t you? And that book definitely wasn’t about me. She acts nothing like Nagato did around me- he was always blushing, fiddling with that frog card by the door, giving me gushy eyes... She’s more like Konan was with me, to be honest. Liked me as a teacher, and saw me as a father-figure. Plus, remember that sparring-turned sex scene between ‘Rei, the former student’, and ‘Hiro, the scarred sensei’? Come on, who are you trying to fool here?”

Kakashi _vividly_ remember that particular scene. When Rei had- with her tongue… and Hiro had- in all those _positions_ … Oh Kami, Naruto had written that! He had basically gotten a sneak peek into her sexual fantasies!

Jiraiya lightly coughed to reclaim Kakashi’s attention. “I’m not gonna pull the godfather card, because I haven’t earned that privilege, and I understand that Naruto is mature enough to decide her own feelings, and make her own decisions. But let me make one thing _very_ clear.” Jiraiya loomed over Kakashi, eyes narrowed and emanating a heavy killing-intent. “Naruto is 16, and you’re current student. She will have no relationships whatsoever until she is at least 18, and a _consenting adult_. Have I made myself clear?” Kakashi frantically nodded. Jiraiya leaned back against his side of the booth with a self-satisfied air. “Good. I’m glad we understand each other.” Jiraiya smirked. “Besides, Naruto’s love life is pretty important- I’ve gotta a lot of money riding on it!”

For the rest of the evening, they entertained more political topics, such as Akatsuki and the new Kazekage. Eventually, the sannin left, dramatically exclaiming that the hot springs of Konoha were calling his name. He predictably left the Hatake with the bill.

As Kakashi fiddled with the receipt, he absentmindedly reached into his flack-jacket’s front pocket. Pulling free the book within, he stuffed the bill in his pocket so he could hold the book between his hands. He gave one longingly tender sweep of its cover, letting his fingers pause slightly as they traced the title. After a moment, his entire body tensed. His lone eye stared blankly at the lurid orange cover.

In a single frenzied movement, Kakashi dropped the book to the table and formed a rapid series of furious seals. The spark of lightning that formed between his hands shot towards his previously loved literature, igniting it into a flaming mess. Kakashi stiffly rose from the table, deactivating the privacy seal as he left to pay the bill.

Genma, along with Yamato and some of the other jounin who were enjoying their drinks in the various booths, looked up in surprise at the Hatake’s sudden exit. The senbon chewing shinobi looked back to Kakashi’s table, and blinked dazedly.

“Holy shit, did Kakashi just set porn on fire?!” Genma exclaimed.

Yamato smiled. “Senpai is finally maturing!”

The bartender, on the other hand, was not nearly as pleased, and stared dispassionately at the books smouldering remains. “Damn shinobi, always throwing hissy fits… That’s the fifth table set on fire this _week._ ”

Kakashi was heedless of their words, and forcefully relaxed his tensed muscles as he left the bar. Strolling out onto the street, hands nonchalantly stuffed in his pockets and back lazily hunched, he appeared calm and orderly. His eye occasionally twitched, but otherwise there were no indications of his turmoil within.

“Crazy sannin, stupid bet… Damn orange idiot…” Kakashi murmured. He took a heavy breath, and with a final exhale cleared away his lingering thoughts. _Nothing_ had happened in that bar. Jiraiya was delusional, and his gaki student was still a tomboy obsessed with ramen, _not_ some fictional crush. 

In ‘The Broken Kunai’, Icha Icha Sensei Sensei continued to burn…


	7. Meanwhile... Unlikely Alliances Form

“This is ridiculous! If anyone should be a contender, it should be me!” Sarutobi Konohamaru exclaimed, his face red with anger as he slammed his hands down on the counter in front of him.

To his left, a young Kusa genin snorted, drawing Konohamaru’s attention. She seemed familiar to him, but she gave no indication that she knew him, other than laughing at his current situation. He must have just seen her in passing…

Ignoring Konohamaru’s eyes that were narrowed upon her form, she leisurely raked her eyes up and down Konohamaru’s body and gave a petulant turn of her head, whipping her long brown hair in his face. She narrowed her blue eyes upon the list nailed to the wall behind the counter, ignoring the Sarutobi as he spat a lingering strand of her hair out of his mouth.

Cool air flowing down from a vent above the list ruffled it, but despite its slight movements, the writing on it was entirely legible. Nowhere on the list was the name ‘Konohamaru’.

“Pfft, don’t make me laugh- a shrimp like you has a snowball’s chance in hell. I’ve heard from a reliable source that she doesn’t like ‘little boys’.” The girl, who couldn’t have been older than twelve, shot a leery grin at the fuming Sarutobi. “Throwing a tantrum like this? Definitely a little boy... _But still old enough_ …”

“I’M EIGHTEEN! Besides, I have a closer relationship to her that any of _these_ morons. I was her student, and I was one of the first to acknowledge her- I should be on the list, not them!”

In front of the two shinobi, the Nara manning the betting station of the shinobi housing sector groaned. “I don’t care whether or not you think you should be added to the competitive list. Rules are rules, and you need at least a hundred votes cast in your name before you’ll even be considered. So why don’t you just _scram_.” A heavy killing intent emanated from the Nara, who Konohamaru now recognized as Hideyoshi, a usually mild-mannered member of the cryptic analysis division. Shadows along the walls began to flicker, some even beginning to mist off and coalesce into impenetrable darkness that swallowed the edges of the room from sight.

The young Sarutobi gaped at the pissed off Nara, and the Kusa genin by his side snickered, reaching forward to slug his dejected form playfully on the shoulder. Hideyoshi turned his hard gaze to the young girl, stopping her giggles immediately.

“Stop laughing- if you keep instigating fights around my stand, I’ll blacklist you from competing in The Bet. You almost destroyed the betting station earlier when you called ‘NaruHina’ the worst ship ever in front of that Hyuuga- he had finally left his compound, taking a break from comforting that poor, innocent and angelic Hyuuga Hinata... and was still high strung from his loss! If Yugao hadn’t stopped him, he would have jyuuken’ed this place to pieces! Do you want another lost betting station? DO YOU?!”

The girl instantly paled, and ducked her head down as she hurried out of betting station, her nerves sparking a trail of chakra behind her that disrupted the genjutsu on the door. The Nara snorted, and gave a nod to Yugao, who drifted from the shadows at the side of the room. Konohamaru jumped at her sudden appearance, but she paid him no mind as she re-applied a stream of chakra to the exit with a wave of her arm. Afterwards, she lifted a book from her pocket and began to read, wilfully ignorant of the chaos around her as shinobi raced in and out, placing their bets.

Konohamaru was about to leave the stand, when the lurid orange cover of the book in Yugao’s hand caught his eye. That was a limited edition copy of Icha Icha Sensei Sensei: Uncut!

“How did you manage to get a copy? The author only ever released six of them! And since when do you read Icha Icha?!” he exclaimed, eyes riveted to the book as Yugao lifted her eyes to inspect him. She casually flipped the book shut, and slid it into a pouch on her thigh.

“I was monitoring the vegetable market earlier.” She drawled, and withdrew her Katana from its holster to idly polish it. Konohamaru gulped as the metal gleamed in the light.

“A T and I chuunin was about to be crushed by an enraged SasuNaru fan- idiot chunin insinuated that the Uchiha had too much of a brother complex to ever notice his teammate or have even caught her eye. In exchange for getting him out intact, I took his limited edition novel. He claimed he received it from Naruto of all people, but I find that hard to believe…”

The purple-haired sword mistress lifted her eyes to the roof, and smiled in reminiscence. “I didn’t plan on reading it just yet, but… well, I can relate to it. Besides, the writing is actually quite good. And the relationship between Rei and Hiro, their real and pure love… it’s _beautiful_. The sex scenes are pretty great, too.”

Konohamaru choked at Yugao’s final words, but she had apparently had enough of their conversation. With a final polish of her blade, she slid it back into its holster and pulled out her book again, absolutely entranced in her reading. Konohamaru absentmindedly noted that she was about halfway in- she hadn’t reached the crazy plot twist yet, then.

Behind the counter of the betting station, the Nara in charge cleared his throat. He pointedly nodded towards the exit, the menacing shift of shadows highlighting his impatience.

Grumbling at the clear dismissal, Konohamaru left the stand, shivering as the chakra fuelling the genjustu washed over him. A quick glance backwards revealed a smooth, unblemished wall.

Naruto’s ineptitude with genjustu, and the fact that she lived closer to the red light section of town, made this spot a perfect hiding place for one of the betting stations. Currently, it wasn’t quite so hidden- shinobi were constantly streaming in and out of it, blurring the fake wall of the apartment building that concealed it. There wasn’t time to be careful with entrances and exits, though. The Bet would end today…

Konahamaru grouchily sauntered up a building to his left and perched himself upon a duplex next to it. With a frown, he observed the chaos before him.

The shinobi housing sector was comprised of over a dozen apartment buildings clustered around a variety of houses and condos gradually staggered in height. All were flat roofed, and the range of levels allowed shinobi to easily navigate the ninja highway. Currently, those same apartment buildings had become absolute _deathtraps_.

Some moron had come up with the astounding idea to rig his room, and by extension his apartment, so that no one could sneak in a find his collection of Intel on The Bet. _Of course_ everyone else decided to do the same. The result was a series of insanely trapped buildings that were constantly in danger of exploding at the slightest of disturbances.

A few shinobi had even decided traps weren’t a good enough preventative measure, and had simply set fire to their evidence- and their buildings. Columns of smoke pillared into the air, and Konohamaru was disturbed to note that many shinobi were still attempting to find info within the burning and/or trapped buildings. It didn’t seem to be going so well for them, if the screams, fires, and clanging of metal was anything to go by.

Konohamaru was broken from his musings by a sudden presence behind him, and with a quick shunshin he was in front of the intruder with a kunai to their throat.

“Holy shit, put the kunai down! I just want to talk!” the Kusa genin from earlier exclaimed, her eyes panicked as they locked onto the kunai gently pressed to her jugular.

The Sarutobi stared consideringly down at her (she was at least a foot shorter, the midget), before slipping his kunai back into his side holster. He narrowed his eyes upon her tensed form, and crossed his arms indignantly.

“What do you want, brat?” he drawled.

The genin had been nervously rubbing at her throat, but at Konohamaru’s words she puffed up, going red in the face as she exclaimed, “I’m not a brat- I’m Nana, genin of Kusa!”

Konohamaru waved away her words. “Yeah, yeah, brat- cut to the chase.”

Nana scrunched her face as though she was about to yell, but she stopped herself before she could, exhaling to calm her rage. She pierced Konohamaru with her pale blue eyes, cold as ice.

“I’ve got a bit of a proposition for you,” she drawled. “Everyone knows you’re bonkers for that blondie- but no one, including me, thinks you’ve got a shot at winning. I’m mostly pissed because I know I don’t have much of a chance to win The Bet- I don’t know anything really personal about Naruto except what I’ve heard in hearsay.”

Konohamaru narrowed his eyes. “Where are you going with this, midget?”

The genin pursed her lips, but bit out an answer. “I want you to help me rig and steal the betting papers from the betting station.”

Konohamaru froze. Then broke out into raucous laughter.

“Oh Kami, you’re insane!” he laughed, bending over with the force of his guffaws.

Nana’s face reddened. “No, I’m not!”

“You want to try and steal bets from a psycho Nara and his sword master guard- of course you’re crazy!” Konohamaru exclaimed. “Ever since the vegetable market betting station was lost, the other stand managers have been completely psycho- did you see the freaky crap he was doing with the shadows? That’s super powerful stuff! The Bet has driven some of the Nara to _not be lazy_. They’re terrifying!”

Nana anxiously stared down at her hands as she fiddled with the long sleeves of her fishnet undershirt. After a moment, she stilled her hands and defiantly looked back up at the amused Sarutobi. “You want your name on that list, right? Then you have to ‘fix’ some of the bets to be about you! While we’re at it, I’ll scope out who… certain people have bet on. I don’t know much about Naruto, but I _do_ know who would.”

Konohamaru had stopped breaking out into snickers and was now considering her carefully. Nana wasn’t very intimidating- she had a cute button nose, a round face that still had traces of baby fat, and she was _tiny_. The fishnet sleeves she had been fiddling with earlier were at least a size to long, and the green shirt she wore over top hung baggy on her- it seemed to be in a near perpetual state of falling off her right shoulder. Add that to her large black ninja pants that had been wrapped to hell and back to keep them in order around her ankles, and she seemed like a child playing dress up. But her gaze was determined, and Konohamaru found himself impressed despite himself. On closer look, she _did_ seem kind of familiar though…

“Alright, I’m _somewhat_ interested in your plan. But how do you plan on tricking a Nara? They’re geniuses, and right now the one at the betting station is on hyper alert. Don’t even get me started on Yugao- she was in ANBU!”

Nana smirked. “I’ve been in Konoha for the past month on the shinobi village exchange program, and this betting station is one of the places and people I’ve been scoping out. There’s a ventilation shaft leading in from the roof that opens right in front of the list, behind the counter. No one really pays attention to it because it’s a sheer drop, and too tiny of a gap for any normal person to fit.” Nana smirked. “I, however, am very tiny, and I have some sandals that allow me to stick to surfaces without chakra. I can sneak down the vent, get the info, and get out, lickety-split.”

“…Do I need to repeat myself? _There is a high strung Nara in there and an ex- ANBU black ops_. Not to mention all the people racing in and out to place their bets. _Someone_ is going to notice you.”

Nana flipped her hair, smug as a cat that had caught the canary. “I’m not stupid, like some people,” Nana drawled, ignoring Konohamaru’s indignant “Hey!”

“The betting stations have look outs that monitor for threats- they’re usually hidden, but I managed to sneak a peak of one of them earlier this week. If you henge’d into him, and gave Yugao and that Nara- Hideyoshi, I think his name was- a bogus reason to put the station on lockdown and leave, I could sneak in and do my part.”

Konohamaru stared at her with wide eyes. “This… is actually starting to sound like a decent plan. But who’s the guard? And what kind of danger could actually lure them out?”

The Kusa genin huffed. “Guy named Aoba- you know him?” At Konohamaru’s nod, she continued. “As for the danger… well, uh… that’s why I picked you. I’ve heard rumours that Naruto has some sort of ‘Sexy-jutsu’, and that she taught it, along with her signature techniques, the rasengan and the kage-bunshin, to you. Besides- you’re her previous student. You _know_ her, and how she acts. I figured if ‘Naruto’ were to appear, asking why there’s a genjutsu on the wall of one of the apartment buildings… Well, why don’t you let that little head of yours think for once. _It would be absolute chaos_.”

The Sarutobi was in awe. “Holy shit, this plan isn’t half bad.. _._ And, well, it _is_ the last day of The Bet- if I was going to do something crazy, _now_ would be the time to do it. _”_  His considerate expression morphed into a look of confusion that twisted his mouth into a frown. He narrowed his eyes on the smug girl in front of him. “Wait as second, what did you say before about my head- _”_

“Not important!” Nana interrupted. Suddenly nervous, she anxiously met Konohamaru’s eyes, and absentmindedly scuffed her shoes on the tiling of the roof. “So… are you in?”

The Sarutobi’s growing grin, which was lit up with light from the flaming buildings around him, was answer enough. 

Xxx

Ino slid to her feet, coming out of her previous roll and sprinting just in time to dodge the cloud of insects that had swarmed her previous position. Chancing a quick look over her shoulder, she grinned at what she saw- the numerous bugs that had attempted to catch her had instead been caught themselves. A careful application of a sticking seal to thin streams of gauze from the overhanging roof Ino had been under before had trapped them to the hanging threads. But Ino didn’t bask in the victory, and pushed on, knowing that the trap wouldn’t slow down Shino for long.

She continued to race down twisting alleys, occasionally circling around various brawls. Her dress was no longer purple. Instead, it had become an off-colour brown. On top of that, she was covered in soot from a backfired fire jutsu she had used in an earlier escape. Despite this, an enormous grin was stretched across her cheeks. This was the most fun she had had in years!

After she had escaped the fruit crate, Ino had lead Shino on a merry chase, eventually losing him near the shinobi retail section. She had then looped back towards the vegetable market to place her bet, but by the time she had arrived she was already too late. A thick, impenetrable darkness had shrouded the market, and Ino hadn’t been crazy enough to enter the terrain of a clearly psychopathic Nara.

Making the detour towards the no-longer-viable betting station had cost her, and she was once again on the run from the predatory Aburame. But Ino would prevail! Despite the, quite frankly, awful odds.

She went through a quick count of the different betting stations as she weaved through a series of crumbled buildings, idly powering chakra to her legs to jump over a particularly large clump of rubble. The hospital wasn’t an option- Forehead had apparently formed some sort of mob following to help her control that one. The shinobi housing sector station was surrounded by fire and deathtraps- no way was she risking _that_ shitshow... There were probably a few more sites that were safe, but Ino wasn’t privy to the locations of all of them. No, the only site Ino knew the location of was the one she was on her way to. The betting station in the shopping district…

A kunai suddenly streaked past her head, shedding a few of her blonde hairs to reveal the senbon she had nestled in the strands. Ino lifted her head, the attack breaking her from her thoughts.

“Shino!” Ino exclaimed, a laugh escaping her lips. “You’re gonna get it now! No one messes with my hair!” Ino whipped around, somersaulting as she did to avoid a flurry of senbon. She rose again to her feet, a katana she had nicked from a past out chuunin earlier sliding into her left hand from the makeshift holster she had tied across her back. But it wasn’t Shino who had thrown that kunai. No, it was-

“Girly, you’re gonna wish I was you’re buggy boyfriend,” Mitarashi Anko drawled, idly spinning a kunai around her right pinky finger as she advanced towards the now frozen Yamanaka. A myriad collection of other T and I shinobi began to step away from various hiding places, forming a loose semi-circle around the Yamanaka heiress.

“You were the one that started this whole mess, so in a way it’s your fault this is happening.” Anko smirked, pausing in her steps and lowering the kunai to her side as she placed her other hand on her hip. “You’re gonna tell us everything you know- or not being able to place your bet will be the least of your worries…”

Ino ignored the snickers from Anko’s Minions, and analyzed the situation. It seemed hopeless, the odds insurmountable. But Ino wasn’t about to give up- she knew she could win The Bet! She wasn’t about to let anyone, even Mitarashi Anko, get in the way of her goal!

She just needed some time to prepare an escape. Once she made it to the shopping district, with its murky mist, she would probably be safe, for a relative meaning of the word… But anything had to be better that facing off against Mitarashi Anko and her Minions!

“It’s kinda weird that you would expect me to know,” Ino nonchalantly drawled, covertly lifting her right hand to slide through her knotted locks. “Naruto’s such a tomboy; she would probably tell a male friend if she had someone she was interested in.”

Anko snorted. “That’s what we thought, but the Inuzuka who was the most likely option was useless, and any of her male friends she would have told ended up being contenders for The Bet anyways.”

Ino hummed, idly staring at her right hand’s nails like she was unaffected by the vultures slowly closing in for the kill. “What about Iruka-sensei? They’re always going to that ramen stand together.”

Anko, surprisingly, flinched. “Iruka… is terrifying. He took out one of _Kiri’s ANBU black ops_ , for kami’s sake. Left him out on the street tied up like he was a pig ready for roasting! I’m not crazy enough to mess around with _that_ psycho nut.”

The Yamanaka took a moment to wonder what the world had come to that _Anko_ of all people was calling _Iruka-sensei_ a psycho nut. The world really was ending, wasn’t it?

Ino rubbed her free hand’s fingers together, the slight trembling of the Katana in her left belaying the nerves she felt but wasn’t allowing to sneak into her voice. “I can see why you wouldn’t want to mess around with him… But why me? I know as much as you guys- Naruto is a tough nut to crack.”

The trench coat clad kunoichi began to stroll towards Ino, a smile more like a sneer stretching across her face. “Oh, honey, were doing this to you because you do know something; otherwise, you wouldn’t be running towards cult-central. Now stop stalling- my snakes are so _anxious_ to meet- AH!”

Ino didn’t let Anko finish her sentence, aiming for the element of surprise. The senbon that she had slid out of her hair, and the strand of her golden locks that she had rolled onto it, stabbed into Anko’s throat. They made an excellent medium for her mind-transfer, and Ino launched her consciousness at the snake summoner with a speed she had never reached before.

Quickly taking control of Anko’s body, she whipped the senbon that the T and I member had been holding in her hands at the numerous Minions. Two, caught by surprise, were taken out by hitting a nerve on their throats, but four attackers still remained, apparently better practiced at avoiding Anko’s commonly thrown weapon of choice. Must be the senior members of the Minion squad left then- damnit!

One, wearing goggles, made a brake for her unconscious body. Ino heaved her possessed form across the distance, parrying his swinging kunai with one of her own. Lashing out a leg at his feet, she was unsurprised when he jumped to avoid her assault, but was ready. She snapped the same leg back around to into his stomach, sending him careening to the ground in a winded mess. Turning to her left, she diverted a punch from the second attacker with an upwards swipe of her forearm, but was unable to dodge his kick to her right side.

Anko’s body was pushed harshly to the left, but Ino fell into a roll to reduce the ground’s impact and stumbled to her feet. She sprinted back towards her body, which the chuunin that had kicked her away was currently lifting up with the help of one of his remaining comrades.

“Stop right there!” the one on the left called, and held a kunai to the hair of Ino’s body. “One move and you’ll be a baldy!”

Ino wasn’t about to give up just yet, and employed the master of all diversion tactics- she ripped open Anko’s coat and fishnet shirt with one quick jerk of her kunai-wielding hands, and continued running to her captive body, regardless of her now free… ‘assets’.

The two holding her body gaped back at her, and the female one on the right whispered, “I have seen heaven, and it is _glorious_.” Ino punched her square in the nose, before spinning towards the second chuunin and delivering a quick chop to his neck.

Ino smirked. Absolutely typical- anyone would fall in the face of Anko’s… Key qualities. Nobody messes with Yamanaka I-

“No sudden movements,” the fourth Minion whispered as he held a senbon to the neck of the possessed Anko. A quick peripheral check revealed that he had trained another on Ino’s unconscious body with his free hand- if she tried to return to herself, he would knock her out before she had time to retaliate.

The chuunin she had kicked in the stomach at the start was now stumbling to his feet, though he still breathed heavily from having the air knocked out of him. The one she had punched in the face also rose, still blushing as she cradled her bleeding nose. The fourth, who she had chopped the neck of, remained unconscious, but it didn’t matter.

She was surrounded.

The two that had just re-entered the battle again picked up her body, and _again_ held a kunai to her unconscious form’s hair. “So, Yamanaka?” her senbon wielding captor whispered. “Are you going to tell us what you know? Be careful what you say- we’re T and I, and we’ll know if you’re lying…”

Ino was trapped- but she didn’t want to give up her information. They hadn’t earned this information on The Bet! _She_ had! But… her _hair_ …

“Going once, going twice,” the chuunin sneered. The one with the bleeding nose raised her hand to end it all. Ino closed Anko’s eyes.

BZZZZZ. Ino opened her eyes, just in time to see the two that had been holding her body begin to lean to the side. The chuunin that had been holding the senbon to her neck teetered as well. The insect that had bitten him flew away, its task accomplished. The chuunin’s eyes were wide and panicked, but he was unable to do anything as he lost control of his body, just like his fellow minions. Ino felt her possessed form begin to droop, and made the split second decision to return to her falling body.

Ino expected to meet the ground like her currently falling captors, but a pair of steady arms caught her around her shoulder and waist before she could. Ino lifted her eyes to meet her rescuer’s. The glasses he usually wore were missing, but otherwise a streak of dirt on his face along with a light singe to his coat were the only indicators that he had been chasing Ino for most of the day.

“Couldn’t let them do it,” Shino whispered.

Ino found her eyes riveted to Shino’s, the flecks of green in the brown of them catching the light. “W-why?” she managed to fumble out, the tension of the moment pressing down on her.

“…Why? Because I couldn’t let them go after the woman I’ve been chasing.” He lifted his hand from Ino’s waist to nervously scratch at his nose. “Besides, I really like your hair,” he mumbled.

Ino was quiet for a moment, before shining a small but genuine smile at her saviour. “Hey, Shino…”

“Yes?” he instantly replied, shifting her in his arms to that she was more comfortable, their faces even closer than before.

The Yamanaka’s smile took on a crooked edge. “Would you like to come with me to win The Bet?”

The barest hint of a smile was visible underneath the collar of his jacket, but Ino could see it easily from this close distance. “It would be my pleasure. Why? Because you are an incredible woman.”


	8. It's Always The 'Normal' Ones

Sakura stared dispassionately at the glibbering chuunin and jounin kneeled before her.

“You came to my hospital, hoping to steal my Intel. You led an assault, set fires, and attempted to blow apart my base with some stupid _canon_ , causing disorder and chaos. And yet, when you are inevitably caught, you plead for mercy? Fools…” Sakura leaned back in her cushioned chair, folding her hands over her chest and crossing her legs. The black suit she wore and the large mahogany desk in front of her added to the image of her power, but it was the stony expression on her face that really consolidated her position as the boss of the Sakura Gang.

The kneeling chuunin, apparently having grown a spine, raised his head. He glared challengingly into the unimpressed green chips of ice masquerading as eyes that were embedded in the face of demon before him.

“You’ll pay for this, Haruno! Taking over the hospital like you did, using your information on The Bet to usurp power… justice will come, and revenge is a dish best served cold!”

Sakura’s lips twitched upwards into a humourless grin. “It’s funny that you think you can scare me… and you’re wrong; revenge is best served _hot_.” The pink-haired mob boss lifted her eyes to her minions, three of which were looming behind the prisoners and holding steady the seals that ensured her prisoners compliance.

“Take them away to the cells- and burn their bets,” Sakura demanded.

The previously defiant chunin instantly changed his tune. “I-I was just kidding, Sakura!  You are a kind, benevolent leader, the hospital obviously is your territory, and we should never have led that foolish assault… Please let us go! We will spread word that you’re as kind and merciful as-as… The gentle and angelic Hyuuga Hinata!”

Sakura did nothing to stop her servants from dragging away the interlopers, and remained unaffected by their cries and pleas, their curses and blitherings. And for that matter, mad ravings- who could possibly even claim to be as nice as Hinata, after all? That girl didn’t have a cruel bone in her body! The day that Hinata crushed so much as a _fly_ would probably be the end of the world…

“It’s too bad I’m not kind or merciful.” Sakura tilted a hand up, absentmindedly giving a few puffs to a cigar that seemingly appeared out of nowhere. It was only her in her office now, other than the grumpy Nara organizing some strangely bulging papers in the corner. Sakura gestured towards the Nara, and with a long-suffering sigh, her prisoner set two pieces of paper from her pile on fire.

“Never should have set up a station here,” the female Nara mumbled. “Was a good idea at the time, considering Naruto’s healing factor. Should have known the ‘normal’ member of Team 7 was the most bat-shit crazy of all. She’ll get her karmic retribution for usurping my betting station though, yes she will…” The Nara tiredly reached for a pen, her eyes momentarily glinting at the pink-haired kunoichi.

Sakura ignored the mutterings of dissent from the Nara, knowing that she would continue to do her job if she knew what was good for her. _Everyone_ here would do their jobs- if they wanted the information she had hoarded for years, they would have to. Who was the most powerful member of Team 7 now! Sasuke was off on some bullshit self-discovery field trip, Naruto was mushy with love, and Kakashi was having an emotional crisis- it was Sakura who had created a following for herself, who had taken control over a sizeable sector of Konoha. Who’s laughing now, Ino-pig!

Sakura’s inner musings were interrupted by a sudden BANG! from the hallway outside her office. It was immediately followed a series of muffled thumps- then silence. Sakura perked up, a small frown emerging through her mask of stone. _What the hell was that?_

“Junko, report! What is going on out there?!” the pink-haired mob boss demanded. Silence was the only response. Sakura began to rise from her desk, a trickle of worry leaking into the back of her mind despite her outwardly self-assured attitude. As the Haruno made her way to the door, she was interrupted by it crashing off its hinges towards her.

Somersaulting to the side, Sakura dodged the projectile, then slid to her feet. She made a break for the now door-less entry, fluidly pulling a kunai from her side holster attached to her suit. Preparing to engage the new adversary, Sakura froze in her attack when the interloper came into view.

Tsunade entered the office with a confident stride, head high and gaze focused on her student. Sakura automatically stood to attention, her newfound power not enough to override years of deferring to the woman before her.

“Shishou, what are you doing here?! I thought you were in Hot Spring country taking a vacation!”

Tsunade crossed her arms under her considerable bust, and raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “I was- until I heard that The Bet was about to finish. Do you really think I would _miss it_? I thought you were supposed to be the smart member of Team 7,” Tsunade dragged considering eyes over her student’s suit clad form, “but apparently you’re the one secretly hungry for a power trip. Which says a lot, considering Naruto and Sasuke _both_ wanted to be Hokage...”

Sakura shifted uneasily under her former sensei’s eyes, before wrestling herself under control. “Well, I understand why you’re in Konoha, but why are you here? In the hospital?”

Tsunade’s eyes narrowed. “A little birdy told me that you had Intel on The Bet.” Tsunade ignored Sakura’s cries of, “It was Ino-Pig, wasn’t it?! That bitch!”, and pushed on. “I was surprised at first, because _surely_ my old student would have told me, her gambling loving sensei, if she had information on the _biggest bet_ in all of Konoha’s history!”

Sakura wilted under Tsunade’s glare. “I’m sorry shishou, it’s just that…”

“What!? Spit it out, Sakura!”

“…You’re bad luck! If you bet on the same person as me, I would lose The Bet!”

Silence descended between the two kunoichi. Sakura looked to the side as she attempted to hide her reddened face, and Tsunade’s expression had gone carefully blank. “I think, Sakura, it would be best if you disbanded the Sakura Gang. You seem to have forgotten that you’re not the only one with Intel. If you don’t tell me what you know, I’ll reveal what you said when you were drunk at the hospital’s last summer party…”

Sakura instantly paled.

“Take that, Pinky!” the Nara in the corner cried out. The slug summons that had been hidden on her stack of papers disappeared with a puff, and after receiving a head bob from Tsunade, she scooped her papers into a bag and stormed out of the room. Before she left through the open doorway, she turned back to Sakura’s stunned form, and after shifting the bag’s handle into the crook of her arm, flipped dual birds at the wanna-be mob boss. Revenge completed, she escaped her temporary prison.

“Mei-chan was always my favourite Nara,” Tsunade drawled, breaking Sakura from her motionless stupor. 

“…I’ll tell you shishou, just don’t tell anyone about… THAT.”                             

Tsunade snorted. “Fine. Though honestly, I don’t see why you’re so embarrassed about what you said when you were drunk- sure, those eyebrows, but-”

“Ah, one of my pieces of Intel actually happened in front of you, shishou!” Sakura interrupted, a twitching smile doing little to hide the deranged look in her eyes. “It was after Naruto came back from her training trip, when you were assigning the new Team 7 a mission…”

Xxx

Kakashi lethargically forced his legs to move, slowly leading his team into the mission office. He absentmindedly waved to Iruka, who was off in the corner drowning under a recent backlash of paperwork. Behind him, Sakura and Naruto were cheerfully bickering, unsubtly ignoring their pale-faced new teammate. Yamato simply looked long-suffering as Sai attempted to converse with him, and glared at his other three team members for abandoning him to the creepily smiling artist.

“Come on Naruto, it had to have been you!” Sakura exclaimed, slyly smiling at her blonde friend. “Who else would have been ballsy enough to prank _ANBU?_ I heard the sticking seals are the best quality anyone has ever seen- they still can’t get those pictures down! As someone trained by Jiraiya, only _you_ could have done it!”

Naruto smirked, and humbly replied, “I can neither confirm nor deny…” An overly dreamy look swept across her face, and she turned her gaze to a far off corner of the room. “All I can say is that whoever pulled that prank is _clearly_ an incredible, sexy, mastermind. Why, I was so impressed with that prank, I could kiss them!”

Sakura giggled, and playfully slugged her grinning friend on the shoulder as a repeated thunking echoed in the background. “So humble, Naruto- of course you would be impressed with your own prank!”

Naruto grinned back conspiratorially at the pink-haired kunoichi, but a sudden motion from Yamato ended their conversation. The mokuton wielder pointedly tilted his head in the direction they had been walking, towards the mission dispensary.

Tsunade, for once, was manning the position in the mission office, probably taking a leaf out of the Sandaime’s book and using mission assignments as a way to stay connected to her shinobi. Kakashi made his way to her desk, nodding to Shizune, who was once again acting as her assistant.

“Team 7, reporting for duty,” Kakashi drawled.

Tsunade shifted her attention from the paper in front of her to glare at the masked shinobi. “About time- you’re two hours late! I was getting old waiting, and I was about to give this mission away to the next team that walked in!” Kakashi opened his mouth to make an outlandish excuse, but Naruto beat him to the punch.

“We’re here now, Baa-chan!” Naruto exclaimed, squinting her eyes and unleashing her signature Uzumaki grin. The orange clad kunoichi planted her hands on her hips, and stood defiantly before the Hokage. “Besides, you’re already old, so it’s okay!”

“Brat! Respect you’re superiors!”

“Don’t you mean elders?”

“You-” Tsunade raised her fist, preparing to strike out at the cheeky blonde, but a quick tug on her arm from Shizune, who gave a pointed look towards the looming stack of paperwork, defused her growing rage. Taking in a heavy breath, then slowly exhaling, she calmed herself. She turned her narrowed eyes back on Team 7.

“Control you’re team, Kakashi, or I’ll-” Tsunade suddenly paused in her rant, and stared in befuddlement at the slouching silver-haired shinobi. Kakashi felt slightly nervous under her frantic perusal of his form. Was she assessing him for crazy? Was he going to have to do another psych eval?!

“Where’s that damn book of Jiraiya’s you’re always reading?!”

Kakashi froze.

Sakura and Naruto blinked in shock, and whipped their heads to study their sensei. Tsunade was right- there was no book in sight! 

Kakashi drooped under the sudden attention from his students and the Hokage. Yamato cheerfully smiled at Tsunade. “Senpai is finally growing out of that old obsession, and has been making headway into becoming a mature adult like I had asked him to be! Just the other day, I even saw him _burn_ a copy- I’m so proud of you, Senpai!” Kakashi twitched under the mokuton wielder’s sudden praise, and his hands involuntarily spasmed.

Naruto continued to stare in stunned disbelief, but Sakura had dragged herself out of her shock. She beamed. “Kakashi-sensei, I’m proud of you too!”

Kakashi deflated even further.

“I never would have seen this coming,” Tsunade mumbled. “People that get into that series never get out…”

Sai perked to attention, deciding to add his own two cents. “I heard only old, unattractive nobodies read Icha Icha- I’m surprised you stopped reading it, Kakashi-taichou.”

Kakashi made no move to defend himself, and instead blankly stared ahead. He had been under so much emotional distress lately that he was no longer capably of giving a shit. This day could not get any worse…

Naruto reddened, eyes narrowing furiously on her male teammate. She opened her mouth, preparing to unleash a heavy rant, but she was interrupted by Tsunade’s sudden chuckle. “I do know a lot of old people that read that crap, but trust me, attractive people read that garbage too. Sarutobi-sensei was addicted to porn, back in the day.” Tsunade’s eyes went glassy as she reminisced.

Sakura blinked again. “You… thought the Sandaime was attractive?”

Tsunade snorted. “Believe it or not, I even used to have a crush on him- I always liked older men. Dan himself was five years older than me.”

Sai turned his plastic grin towards Naruto. “So, she-man, considering you always say that you’re not like your ‘Granny’, does that mean you’re a ‘cougar’? A ‘cradle-snatcher’?... Is that why you’re always hanging out with the Sandaime’s grandson?”

Naruto lit up with unholy rage. “I’M GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU PALE-ASSED BASTARD!”

Sakura and Yamato lashed out to restrain their enraged blonde teammate. Kakashi ignored their chaos, and stood to the side as he attempted to block out their insanity. If he wasn’t careful, he might catch it- science hadn’t proven insanity was a disease capable of being spread yet, but he couldn’t be too careful!

Eventually, the blonde cooled down, and was released. She shot a last angry glare at her teammate before turning her gaze to a far off corner of the room, her cheeks dusting a light pink.

“For your information Sai, sometimes me and Granny _are_ kinda similar. I like older guys too- they’re _wayyyy_ more attractive than little boys like _you_.”

Tsunade snickered. “Sure, gaki. But you don’t have to pretend that’s what you like to make a point against you’re teammate. Kakashi, are you ready for that mission?”

The Hatake in question stared blankly at the Hokage’s desk, and at some point throughout their ordeal he had moved himself even _farther_ away from his students. He looked… _haunted_.

“Kakashi! Take the damn mission!” The Hokage snapped Kakashi from his daze, and after reading the mission parameters, he motioned for his team to follow him out of the mission office.

Sakura, who had been glancing between her blonde teammate and Kakashi, cracked a devious smile, and then leisurely made her way after her sensei. She dragged her dazed orange teammate behind her, the blonde oblivious to her pink-haired teammate’s actions as she stared over her shoulder into the mission office, her gaze blank and unfocused.

Yamato attempted to coax Kakashi into some small talk, but the Hatake was unresponsive.

Liking older men… Jumping up to defend the qualities of Icha Icha readers… _Never happened, never happened_ , Kakashi furiously tried to convince himself.

But by now there were enough pieces. The puzzle was forming, heedless of Kakashi’s attempts to dismantle it within his mind. You can’t ignore the truth forever- but by Kami, _he would try_.

Xxx

“Holy shit,” Tsunade whispered. “You mean…”

Sakura smirked. “That moron has been in love with him for years- and unlike the rest of Konoha, I noticed. I understand why you didn’t- it’s hard to see if you look too closely.”

Tsunade didn’t respond for a moment, instead staring sightlessly down at the ground. Eventually she lifted her eyes to meet Sakura’s, and threw her arms in the air. “I get it now, but why the hell did it have to be _Hatake?”_


	9. Spoilers and Youth

“I take it back, this was a terrible plan!” Konohamaru screamed. Nana didn’t respond- she was too busy throwing explosive tags over her shoulder, both of them flinching in their escape as the apartment building they were racing through periodically shook. The Sarutobi whimpered when he heard Yugao’s screams of rage draw even closer- she was still pretty pissed, then…

Konohamaru picked up the pace, absentmindedly slinging the lagging Nana onto his back, and slid around a bend in the hallway. He left chakra footprints in his wake that would degrade the floor and possibly trigger some sensitive traps littered throughout the building-hopefully that would slow down Yugao.

The apartment building they were in was about to collapse, they had a psychopathic ANBU on their tail, and even if they managed to escape, other shinobi would be baying for their blood once they learned that it was _them_ that had caused the current chaos on the streets. How had it all gone so terribly wrong?

In hindsight, their plan was _too_ perfect to work.

It started off well. Konohamaru may not have had stupidly large chakra reserves like Naruto, but he had enough to pull off a kage-bunshin capable of using jutsu. Konohamaru had then henge’d himself to look like Aoba, and anchored his chakra to a focal point on his back. Doing so made it a large weakness, but also made the illusion more realistic and able to withstand minor force, which would be necessary when walking into the same building as an ex-ANBU.

Nana had begun to descend the ventilation shaft, and Konohamaru had initiated the first phase of the plan: His clone, which was henge’d using the sexy jutsu to look exactly like Naruto, had strolled down the street. Henge’d as Aoba, he rushed to the betting station, ready to report. Then, things began to go _horribly_ , though in a way that was still according to plan.

“Heeyyyy, I was on my way to the Hokage monument, and I was kinda wondering… why are people running in and out of that wall over there? Actually, why are the buildings on fire? Is this some sort of game, dattebayo? Why wasn’t I invited!?”

Every shinobi in the vicinity froze. Two kunoichi, who had been in the process of hauling the unconscious form of a Kumokagure chunin away stopped mid-kidnapping on a nearby roof. A group of shinobi that were setting fire to their apartment building stared with wide eyes at the confused blonde. Rock Lee, who was casually strolling through the streets, lost in thought, was the victim of a pair of shinobi dropping their flaming Intel on him from the roof of a duplex.

No one paid mind to Lee cries, “This Isn’t Very Youthful! Fire Is Ba- MY EYEBROWS- MY HAIR!” They were too busy staring at the whiskered blonde standing in the middle of the street, her signature orange jacket tied around her waist while her hands crossed indignantly over her chest.

Then, hell descended.

“BURN IT ALL! DESTROY THE EVIDENCE!” One shinobi screamed. As a single, frenzied entity, all the shinobi in the vicinity followed his command.

The clone, making a rasengan and yelling “I’M GONNA FIND OUT WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON, DATTEBAYO!” completed the image. Konohamaru snuck into the betting station, henge’d as Aoba and ready to enact phase two.

“Hideyoshi, you have to put this place on lockdown- Naruto’s outside, and she wants to know what’s going on!” ‘Aoba’ exclaimed, huffing and out of breath as he raced into the stand. Still all according to plan…

Yugao jumped to her feet, absentmindedly pocketing her novel, before turning to the paling Nara. Hideyoshi clenched the counter in front of him with white knuckled hands, before letting out a shaky breath. “Everyone out!” he demanded. Loiterers of the betting station instantly cleared out at his command, not willing to piss off the high strung Nara.

Hideyoshi motioned for Yugao and ‘Aoba’ to follow him, and strode to the shadowy side of the room. He waved away the darkness to reveal another entrance, which was sealed tightly with what appeared to be at least an A-class lock. Yugao prowled forward, eyes narrowed and serious, and broke open the heavy latch that had kept it closed with a single chakra powered slice of her arm. Hideyoshi slipped into the open doorway.

The ex-ANBU shunshin’ed towards the counter, and slammed her hand on a seal that had been imbedded in the wood, causing the main entrance to become lit with an ominous blue glow. Precautions in place, Yugao calmly walked towards the entrance of the tunnel with ‘Aoba’ trailing after her. The tunnel itself was dark and damp, but surprisingly wide at approximately three metes across, and high enough that ‘Aoba’ could just graze the roof if he stretched his hands.

Hideyoshi and Yugao each quickly formed a chakra light, and ‘Aoba’ hastened to match their actions. Without the light from the jutsu, it would have been impossible to see farther down the tunnel-only a small portion was illuminated from the open door leading back to the betting station. (Konohamaru was surprised by how long it was- from what he could see, it must have lead beneath the entire housing sector!)

Partway through they’re journey, ‘Aoba’, who was busy attempting to keep his chakra ball alight (Konohamaru had never been very good at this particular jutsu), stumbled against a ledge on his left that was sticking out. It’s empty holder suggested that it had at one point held a candle of some kind, but currently all it seemed good for was catching unawares shinobi painfully in the thigh. He easily reclaimed his footing, and continued on, the pain not enough to make him cry out- that might ruin his cover!

‘Aoba’ and Yugao continued down the tunnel, but paused in their tracks when they realized Hideyoshi wasn’t following them.  Looking back over their shoulders in confusion, they were treated to the image of the frozen Nara. Hideyoshi  stared at Aoba with narrowed eyes.

“Three years ago, Aoba Yamashiro was stabbed in his left thigh with a high heel for accidently insulting Yamanaka Ino’s hair. It’s been a weakness of his ever since, though he’s never made that knowledge public. _Aoba_ would have stumbled and fallen, or at least been affected by the pain.” Hideyoshi’s lips curled downwards, and his next words came out as a snarl- “ _You’re_ not Aoba.”

And _that’s_ when the plan was smashed into a million little pieces.

Yugao froze for a moment, before whipping her head back down the tunnel towards the betting station. “A diversion!” she hissed. With a fluid motion, she unsheathed the blade she had been polishing earlier and raced back to where they had come from.

She had probably left Hideyoshi behind because the danger to The Bet had overridden her common sense, which was good news for Konohamaru- one enemy was more than enough.

The enraged Nara lunged towards Konohamaru, whose rolled to the side, jostling the focal point on his back. His henge dropped. The limited light made it difficult to see, but the encroaching darkness was hard to miss. Hideyoshi whipped back around towards the Sarutobi, and smiled a deranged smile.

“ _Light’s out,”_ he giggled manically. Konohamaru’s vision was instantly swallowed in darkness, but he didn’t allow himself to panic. He immediately dropped to the ground and rolled to the side of the wall, careful to not make a sound. While Naras could control shadows, even they wouldn’t be able to see in impenetrable darkness such as this. Hideyoshi’s shadow lunged towards Konohamaru’s previous position, barely missing him.

The Sarutobi slid to his feet. He threw the first thing he could reach from his pockets to the floor, desperate to create some kind of diversion. He was apparently in luck once again, because he had grabbed a small packet of over a dozen pressure activated firework cracklers (thank you Naruto for giving him pranking supplies!) The miniature fireworks sparked to life as they contacted the ground, their noise and brightness almost unbearable in the tight, dark confines of the tunnel.

Konohamaru used the Nara’s moment of disorientation from the fireworks to throw one of his kunai from his holster, handle first. The wood contacted the Nara’s temple, sending him crashing to the ground. Hideyoshi may have been scary with his shadows earlier, but he was part of the cryptic analysis division, and had never been much of a combatant.

His enemy was handled. Konohamaru raced down the tunnel and back to the door, ducking into the bright confines of the betting station.

Yugao had Nana pinned to the counter, her back to the Sarutobi as she held her Katana to the Kusa genin’s throat. She wouldn’t actually hurt the genin, Konohamaru was sure of that, but she would turn her in as a criminal that had dared to interfere with The Bet… Which was actually might be worse than getting stabbed. The Sarutobi was tempted to turn back, but something inside of his chest caught- Nana was small and helpless in the face of the kunoichi’s wrath. If Naruto was here, she would save her…

His mind was made up. Konohamaru took a shaky step forward and sealed his fate.

“Hiro turns out to be the samurai from the beginning whose clan was killed by Rei’s psychopathic uncle, Hana ends up dying against the forces of ‘The Dawn’, and Hiro leaves Rei behind so that he can restore his honour- on top of that, the prefix lied- there is no sequel!”

Yugao froze, her grip on her Katana slackening. Konohamaru didn’t waste the opportunity- he raced forward and wrenched Nana from her position on the counter, the ex-ANBU making no move to stop him. She was in no condition to fight them, and was muttering to herself- “ _No, that can’t be, it can’t be, if it ends like that, theremustbeasequel, no, nononononono_ -”. 

Konohamaru, knowing that the tight confines of the tunnel would doom them once Yugao broke from her stupor, raced towards the main entrance that had been sealed earlier.

Seals used to generate shields are usually impenetrable, as long as they’re given enough time to be set in place. The matrix of this particular seal ensured that no outside harm would be able to crush the betting station, and that the stand itself in emergencies would survive.

But the seal only worked in one direction- against _outside_ threats.

Konohamaru broke through the door like it was made of rice paper. The flames that sporadically dotted the street edged towards the doorway, a creeping menace that no one paid attention to…

“Thanks… for saving me.” Nana mumbled. Konohamaru turned incredulous eyes at the genin, gobsmacked by her complete 180 in attitude. After a moment, the normal Nana made her reappearance. “But- what the hell happened back there?!” Nana exclaimed as they raced into a nearby apartment. Konohamaru was still jittery with nerves, and he had to duck out of the way of a suddenly falling beam, so it took him a moment to reply.

“I fucked up- Hideyoshi spotted a flaw in my impersonation, and-” Konohamaru and Nana paused as an ungodly scream of _pure an unadulterated rage_ swept passed them, a haze of killing intent in its wake. Ebizo, who had been sneaking out of the apartment with stolen Intel in hand, froze.

“Oh _Kami,_ that was Yugao; I’d recognize that awful scream _anywhere_. Whoever she’s pissed off at is dead meat…”

Konohamaru and Nana shared a despairing look, before simultaneously turning and running down the hallway. Moments after they had raced away, the wall beside the main door to the apartment _imploded._

Uzuki Yugao stepped through the newly created hole, eyes demonic and hair floating around her, the killing intent emanating from her so thick that it buoyed her purple strands. As she raced off in pursuit of her prey, Ebizo sweat dropped, and anxiously fiddled with his glasses. _Those kids are goners…Wait a second- was that Konohamaru?!_

Which brings us back to the present.

Konohamaru turned down the hallway, and was relieved to see a window- a possible escape! With a final burst of strength he didn’t know he had, the Sarutobi pressed on, just in time to miss Yugao’s clawed hand lashing out for his scarf. He burst through the window, spraying glass shards in all directions as he fell towards the roof of the building beside the apartment. Dropping into a roll to reduce the impact was difficult with Nana hanging like a limpet on his back, and the Sarutobi lost precious seconds readjusting his lopsided equilibrium.

A Katana slid in front of his throat, pinning him in place in front of the deranged maniac before him.

“ _You ruined Icha Icha for me_ ,” Yugao hissed. “ _Prepare to experience hell.”_ Nana trembled on his back, and tightened her grip around his shoulders and waist. Konohamaru was too terrified to harp at her for digging her bony knees into his sides.

As Yugao leaned closer, probably to knock Konohamaru out and carry out her dastardly revenge, the Sarutobi closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable pain.

“…‘Be confident, don’t let him spin the conversation around. Just… _charge in_ ’. I can do this- _I can do this!_ ”

The three shinobi locked in a one sided face-off slowly turned towards the direction of the voice. An absentminded blonde woman strolled past them on the roof, her blue dress becoming wrinkled as her hands fiddled with the hem. The beautiful woman suddenly stopped, and turned curious blue eyes upon the frozen forms of Yugao, Konohamaru, and Nana. The Katana against Konohamaru’s throat twitched.

Naruto beamed. “Hey, minion! Hey Yugao-senpai! And hey… kid? Wait… I know you! You’re that girl that’s always following Konohamaru around ‘cause you have a crush on him!”

On his back, Nana stiffened. Konohamaru was too shocked to do anything other than gape.

Naruto continued on, oblivious to the effect she was having on her audience. “…Anyways, it’s a good thing I ran into you Yugao-senpai! I… I need your help to…” Naruto’s face twisted into an expression of absolute disgust. “…Put on some make-up. After all, ‘It’s about making an impression!’ I need to catch him off guard!” Naruto nodded to herself, agreeing with whoever had spoken the words before. She fist pumped the air. “I’m gonna knock the socks off of him!”

An awkward silence descended. None of her audience knew what to do other than gape. Naruto herself wasn’t all sunshine in and rainbows. The confidence of her previous words was belied by the slight fidgeting of her hand that was still holding onto her dress. She was clearly nervous, despite the image she outwardly projected.

The three members of Naruto’s audience remained frozen, even as time stretched. Nana had buried her face in Konohamaru’s scarf, and the Sarutobi himself looked like he was about to pass out. Yugao’s demonic grin was still in place on her face, but her eyes had become panicked at Naruto’s appearance.

“So, like I was saying- can you help me Yugao-senpai? Pllleeaaassseee?” Naruto’s eyes turned glossy with unshed tears, her cherubic expression amplified by the cute outfit she was wearing.

Like so many others before her, Yugao fell victim of the dreaded ‘puppy dog eyes.’

“…Very well.” Yugao slid her Katana from its position across Konohamaru’s throat back into its sheath, and walked forwards towards Naruto as though in a daze. The blonde in question beamed at the ex-ANBU, and happily linked their arms together.

“Thank you so much Yugao! I just really want to surprise him, y’know? Ino said as a kunoichi, my appearance should be a weapon!” Naruto seemed oblivious to the turmoil around her as she dragged the nearly catatonic Yugao away. They had just reached the edge of the roof when Naruto came to a sudden stop, wrenching the dazed Yugao to a halt with her. She turned her head, and shot a dazzling smile back at the frozen duo.

“Hey minion, don’t go down onto the street, okay? Some nutjobs are setting buildings on fire! Don’t want you getting hurt, dattebayo! And you- Kusa genin- good luck! Also, wish _me_ luck- I’ll be confessing to the love of my life!” With that parting advice and quip, Naruto skipped away in the direction of her apartment, the speck of her blue dress eventually becoming too far away for Konohamaru to see.

A tense silence hung between the remaining occupants of the roof, the desolate screams of rage and pain along with the torrents of smoke pillaring into the air adding to the atmosphere.

Konohamaru suddenly broke into snickers, breaking the ice.

“Yugao just got dragged off like a sack of potatoes by the boss! We lucked out!” Konohamaru continued to laugh, and Nana peeked her eyes up from the edge of his scarf. A hint of a cocky smile edged into existence until Konohamaru turned his head to look at the genin clinging to his back. Nana immediately hid behind her shield of choice again.

“Look,” Konohamaru began, “I know what it’s like to have a crush on someone older- I’m not gonna hold this against you, or make fun of you for it. Kami knows enough people made fun of me for liking Naruto…” The Sarutobi’s voice trailed off, before he gave a small shake of his head. He locked his gaze with Nana’s slightly incredulous eyes, and continued with a small, nervous smile.

“I don’t feel the same. No point in leading you on or ignoring it. You’re, like, twelve! I’m eighteen! It wouldn’t work out.” Nana began to withdraw into her baggy clothes, but Konohamaru wasn’t done. “I can’t say I’ll ever return your feelings, but I can say this- you are a crazy badass, who came up with a plan to steal stuff on _The Bet_ from a _pissed off Nara_. You’re pretty high up in my books, and I wouldn’t mind being your friend… How does that sound?”

Nana didn’t reply right away, but after a moment, she shot a small quirk of her lips back at Konohamaru. “That sounds great,” she whispered. After a moment, Nana let go of Konohamaru’s back to stand on her own two feet. She made a show of patting down her baggy clothes, and petulantly raised her nose like Konohamaru’s very presence was an affront to her tastes. The Sarutobi simply smiled at the sight.

The genin indignantly huffed. “I don’t know why I even like you- I think it might have just been because I thought your scarf was cool, but after seeing how uncool _you_ are, I might have to change my pursuits… Besides, it was _you_ that messed up my great plan, after all.”

“Hey!”

Nana continued on, smugly smiling as she ignored Konohamaru’s outburst. “I, on the other hand, carried out my part _perfectly_.” From within the confines of her baggy green shirt, the Kusa genin withdrew a stack of papers. She deviously grinned at Konohamaru. “Am I incredible, or am I incredible?”

Konohamaru gaped at her. “B-but Yugao caught you- how’d you manage to get them in time!?”

Nana disinterestedly stared down at her nails. “I know, I know, I’m amazing. A moron like you could only hope to be as talented as me… I didn’t manage to rig your name though- I only had enough time to grab the papers once I heard that ANBU racing down the tunnel.”

The Sarutobi hummed, and made to respond, but an ominous chill creeping up his spine froze him in place. His clone had finally popped…

Screams of outrage from the streets crept up towards the frozen duo in a cacophony of anger.

“WE’LL GET YOU FOR THIS SARUTOBI! AND YOU’RE LITTLE MINION, TOO!”

“…That was Hideyoshi, wasn’t it?” Nana blankly asked.

“Yep.”

“KONOHAMARU, HOW DARE YOU MESS WITH THE SACRED BET!”

“…And there’s Ebizo…” Konohamaru whispered, face beginning to pale.

“WE’RE GOING TO USE THE BURNING REMNANTS OF YOUR DIGNITY TO LIGHT THE FIRES OF OUR VICTORY- TRACKER TEAM, ASSEMBLE!”

“…He’s assembling a mob to chase us for messing with the betting station, which will probably end with us being burned at the stake, isn’t he?”

“Most likely.”

For a moment, neither of them moved. Then, in a synchronized motion of frenzied panic, they sprinted for the edge of the roof. Aoba, the real one, was patrolling above them on a taller building, and observed their abrupt departure.

“I’ve got a visual,” the serious man whispered into his walkie-talkie. He paused to listen to the screaming person on the other end, and a light frown graced his features as he held the walkie-talkie away from his ear- Hideyoshi was loud! “I don’t like the sounds of this… I really don’t think they deserve that much of a punishment. It’s not like they caused any _serious_ harm, just a few stolen papers, really-”

Whoooosssshhhhh….. BOOM!

The betting station below _exploded._ The sealing matrix, ignited from the flames that had leaked through the entrance, discharged its remaining chakra in a fiery explosion. Aoba watched with wide eyes as ash drifted from the wreckage. A shinobi outside its crumbling doors collapsed to his knees. “NOOOOOOO!”

Aoba froze. Slowly, his face warped into a crazed grin, and with madness in his eyes, he tracked the movements of the terrified duo that had managed to outwit a Nara. Aoba absentmindedly scratched at his thigh, rubbing the scar that twitched with his sudden anticipation.

“I’m going to catch those bastards, and stop them from placing their bets, _if it’s the last thing I do_.”

Xxx 

Kakashi opened his eyes. By now, it was late afternoon, and a slight chill was beginning to creep in, a bite present in the wind that hadn’t been there before. Without really seeing, he stared out at Konoha. A raging bonfire had ignited in the shinobi housing sector, the vegetable section of the market was now coated in impenetrable darkness, and the mist in the shopping district had spread to encompass the shinobi retail sector as well. Sounds of battle continued to echo.

Kakashi ignored the outside conflict to finish dealing with the turmoil he had spent the day confronting. The pieces of the puzzle that Kakashi had spent almost a decade ignoring finally joined.

He knew who Naruto was going to confess to by the end of the day.

The Hatake turned his gaze the blue sky, and thought of Minato. Who would probably escape from the afterlife to kill him if he let things pan out as they were going to. After all, Kakashi would be breaking his ‘sacred oath’. But what was he supposed to do? Naruto was an unstoppable force- and did he _really_ want to stop her?...

If Kushina was here, what would she say? She had loved her daughter, and had always been more open-minded that her husband. She would have been so happy that her daughter had found someone she loved, regardless of the barriers in the way.

Minato… he would have been an overprotective father. But there was something Kakashi had forgotten about his former sensei until now. He would have loved his daughter more than anything. He would have wanted her to be happy. And all the evidence that Kakashi had… Pointed to her future happiness resting with a _certain man_ … A man she _loved._

All of this… It scared Kakashi. Emotions were terrifying! But if anyone deserved happiness, it was Naruto. Kakashi found himself smiling despite the chaos. Because he was done running from the truth- and he finally knew what he was going to do.

Minato might come back from the afterlife to kill him, but Naruto was worth it. And honestly, it was kind of a stupid promise to have a fourteen year old make, in hindsight. So what if Naruto fell in love with someone older than her?

She was more than ready to decide her own future. Kakashi wasn’t going to ignore this any longer, or stand in the way of her final dream- and neither would he let anyone _else_ prevent Naruto from confessing to the love of her life.

Kakashi was finally done with his emotional crisis. He was a mature, responsible adult, and he would face this like the Hokage he was. If Tenzo wasn’t moping around the training grounds, he would definitely  be proud of him And Kurenai could definitely suck it! Shows her for betting at the last jounin conference that Kakashi would crack from repressing his ‘man pain’!

Kakashi stood, shaking out his legs as he did to get the blood running through them again. Ignoring the prickling spikes as his legs woke up, he made his way to the edge of the roof and walked down. He began to weave his way through the debris and battles, lazily adjusting his path to avoid countless kunai and explosive tags.

There was someone he needed to see. Someone who also had to be forced to acknowledge the truth, who had to accept the inevitable. A certain man needed to understand that Naruto was going to confess, whether he wanted her to or not.

It was not a conversation he looked forward to.

Just as he reached a rather quiet alley, he had to jump to avoid an incoming green battering ram charging in his direction. As he touched back down to solid ground, the battering ram turned, revealing itself to be Rock Lee- but sans eyebrows and with his signature bowl cut singed to non-existence. His now bald head gleamed in the light.

Lee sheepishly rubbed the back of his head as Kakashi stared at him in bewilderment.

“Sorry, Hokage-Sama, I Was In A Hurry!” Lee exclaimed Youthfully!Tm, saluting Kakashi as he did.

“Mah, mah, don’t worry about it… Where were you off to?” Kakashi asked.

Lee shifted uncomfortably. “Ah, After The _Unyouthful_ Events Of Today, I Decided To Keep Gai-Sensei Company. But Gai-Sensei Told Me I Couldn’t Stay At His House- He Said That Because Naruto Was Embracing Her Springtime Of Youth, It Was Time For Me To Embrace Mine! He Revealed That There Was Hope For My Love For Sakura, Because Of The Events Of The Last Hospital Party, Whatever _That_ Was… I Was Thus On My Way To The Hospital!- But On My Way There, I Was On The Wrong End Of A Flaming Beast From The Sky…” Lee smiled self-depreciatingly. “My Beautiful Blossom Will Probably Reject Me, Especially Now That I Have Lost My Youthful Hair, But I Will Not Give Up!”

Kakashi stared consideringly down at the green clad jounin. “Do you know why she keeps saying no to you?” Lee blinked in surprise, and made to speak, but Kakashi interrupted him before he could.

“It’s because you let her walk all over you. Sakura’s a tough girl, and should be treated as such, but you shouldn’t cater to every whim of her’s either. She gets stupid ideas in her head sometimes, and she needs someone willing to tell her when she’s acting crazy. I’m not saying you should try to force her into something, because that’s _wrong_ , but you should stand your ground. Don’t treat her badly- but don’t let her treat _you_ badly either. The way to earn Sakura’s love is to earn her respect.”

Lee stared in awe at the silver-haired shinobi, stars twinkling in his eyes. Kakashi was mildly disturbed to see tears beginning to form.

“Earn Sakura’s Respect… Thank You Sir! You Are More Youthful Than I Could Ever Dream To Be! Maybe There _Is_ Hope!”

Kakashi knew that there was _definitely_ hope. He had alluded to what happened at the last hospital party to Gai, though only Tsunade and the rest of Team Seven knew the full details. Who would have known Sakura was that appreciative of the kid’s enthusiasm and… Anatomy? Loose lips sank ships, and Sakura could not hold her liquor to save her soul. It usually made for good potential blackmail, though.

Kakashi smiled at the praise. “No problem, Lee. I was actually wondering if you could tell me something…”

“Anything, Hokage-Sama!”

“…Where would I find Umino Iruka?”

Lee paled. “He Is At Ichiraku’s Ramen Stand- But Be Careful! Umino-San Has Been Rather… _Unyouthful_ Today!” Lee shifted his eyes from side to side, before leaning in to whisper conspiratorially to his lone audience member. “I heard he took out a jounin for breathing too loud near him… Scary!”

Kakashi waved away Lee’s concerns. “I’ll be fine. Thanks for the help!”

As Lee cheerfully departed for the hospital, the Hokage grimaced. This might be more difficult than he had thought if Iruka was acting this violently…

Regardless, he continued on- this time towards Ichiraku’s.


	10. New Crazy in Cult Central

Kiba laughed so hard he began to snort, and had to lean against the counter of the ramen stand to remain upright.

“Holy shit, that prank was yours?! We always thought it was Naruto’s!” Kiba exclaimed. His eyes were watering from laughing so hard, and were riveted on the man before him.

Iruka modestly smiled, and idly scratched at the scar across his nose. “Once a prankster, always a prankster, as they say. Besides, they had been getting uppity, and interrupted one of my classes for a field exercise. They had it coming!”

Kiba spluttered. “But- but pranking _ANBU_. Man, Iruka-sensei, you are _ballsy_. I heard the director’s head is still blue, and that they never figured out how to remove those pictures of all them without their masks from the walls.”

Iruka lightly smirked. “I’ve always been good at sticking seals- besides, I don’t get caught. Who would ever suspect me, respectable chuunin Umino Iruka, goody-two-shoes extraordinaire, to ever even think of crossing ninja black opps?”

Kiba shook his head, still smiling. His day spent with his old sensei had been pretty great, to be honest- they had traded ninja tips, tales of bogus missions, and currently, funny stories. Iruka was pretty chill outside of the classroom- hell, he apparently even read Icha Icha! Who would have thought the academy sensei could be so cool?

The Inuzuka still kept up his guard a little, though. Earlier, a heavily panting Kiri jounin had burst into Ichiraku’s and demanded that Iruka give him any Intel he had on The Bet. His eyes had been crazed, and his white hair a ratted mess, but his sword was still sharp, and the easy way that the intruder had held it showed he was no amateur. The Inuzuka had risen, preparing to confront the shipping crazed attacker, but Iruka had beaten him to the punch- literally.

Kiba was a firsthand witness to the usually mild-mannered chuunin’s brutality. That poor Kiri shinobi left the stand with his hands and feet tied together behind his back, an apple shoved in his mouth, and covered in cooking oil.

Iruka-sensei was _scary_. Couldn’t be too careful around him…

The academy sensei was still smiling, and opened his mouth to share another tale, but his eyes suddenly fixated on something behind Kiba. He froze, his expression turning carefully blank. Kiba whipped his head over his shoulder- _what had made Iruka act like this_?

Kakashi strolled into the stand, his eyes immediately locking on Iruka. He made his way over to the only open stool beside the academy sensei, and leisurely sat down, the image of lazy calm. The tension in the stand ratcheted up to the next level, and Kiba felt goose bumps ripple into being along his arms.

“Hello, Iruka- and Kiba.” Kakashi drawled.

Iruka twitched, his eyes narrowing upon the Hatake. His previous conversation with Kiba was forgotten. “…Hello, Hokage-sama. What brings you here, to Ichiraku’s?”

“Mah, mah, Iruka, no need to play dumb. We both know why I’m here.” Kakashi leaned forwards, resting his left elbow on the counter as he turned right to face Iruka. “It’s time to accept the facts, and face the truth.” He smiled cheerfully, contradicting the tension between them.

Iruka was frozen under Kakashi’s gaze, but after a moment he broke from his stupor. “…You’re too happy about this… Don’t tell me…” Iruka narrowed his eyes, anger leaking into his voice. “… _You’re actually okay with this?!”_

Kakashi hummed. “I understand why you’re upset. But I think you’re overreacting. And that says a lot, coming from me- I’m supposed to be the emotionally inept one, not you.”

Iruka was shaking with repressed emotion, so incensed that he didn’t seem capable of speaking. Kiba darted his eyes back and forth between the two, his brow furrowed in confusion.

“What the hell are you two going on about?!” Kiba interrupted. Iruka’s eyes shifted to Kiba at his sudden question.  He took a deep breath, and then released a shaky exhale. Emotions now under a semblance of control, he ground out an answer.

“Kakashi, like me, knows who Naruto will confess too. However-” Iruka’s eyes flashed, his hands tightening into white-knuckled fists in his lap, “he seems to be perfectly fine with her choice of... pursuits. Despite the obvious reasons he should be just as against it as I am!”

Kiba blinked. “Why the hell shouldn’t Naruto confess to whoever she wants to? She’s an adult- she’s smart enough to make her own decisions.”

Iruka was momentarily thrown off by Kiba’s remark, but clipped out a quick retort. “Trust me, the person she’s set her sights on… isn’t good enough for her. The age gap, for one, and don’t even get me started on the unprofessional character of any relationship between them. Naruto shouldn’t love someone who _used to be her sensei_.”

The Umino seemed lost to his own internal despair, and raised his hands to clutch at his head. He was oblivious to his fellow stand occupants, and was beginning to incoherently mutter under his breath, but Kiba was no longer paying attention to him. Instead, his gaze was riveted on Kakashi.

_No_ , Kiba thought to himself _, it couldn’t be_ …

Kakashi levelled a cool stare on the catatonic Umino.“You’re only looking at this from the worst possible angle,” Kakashi drawled. Iruka was jolted out of his internal musings, and looked back at the Hokage. “The age gap isn’t really that important- my own grandparents were seventeen years apart, and you never would have seen a more in love couple. I’ll admit, the previous relationship… it’s part of why I ignored the signs for years. But Naruto isn’t anyone’s student anymore. She’s a responsible adult, and the literal saviour of the shinobi world. I think it’s about time we realized that… I have- so why can’t you?”

Kakashi finished his speech with a considering stare at the Umino, whose blank face betrayed none of the emotions he felt. He opened his mouth to refute the Hatake, but Kiba interrupted him.

“Why does this bug you so much?!” the Inuzuka demanded, leaning forwards in his seat as he pushed on. “I mean, I kinda get where you’re coming from, but screening Naruto’s love life, is just… wrong! She deserves to be treated as more than some little kid. Hell! She’s gonna be Hokage someday- if you can’t trust her with this, how could you ever trust her with the village?”

Iruka shifted uncomfortably under Kiba’s heavy glare, his hands winding together in his lap. “Kiba, I think you’re missing the main reason why I’m so against this, I-”

“No!” Kiba exclaimed. “I think it’s _you_ that’s missing the main reason this isn’t a problem!” Kiba exhaled, and shrunk a little on himself when he realized he had a captive audience. Kakashi, Iruka, and even Teuchi and Ayame, who had paused in their cooking, were all hanging onto his every word. Kiba shook away his nerves with a dog-like shake of his head, and continued.

“Sensei being in a relationship with their students… That is a problem. But Naruto isn’t anyone’s student anymore, just like Kakashi said. I don’t think she really _sees_ anyone as her sensei anymore either, other than Jiraiya-sama. It takes two to have a teaching relationship- and Naruto certainly doesn’t see it that way… ‘Cause of one reason.” Kiba paused, before finishing off at a whisper. “She’s in _love._ And I think Naruto deserves, more than anything, the chance to be happy. Are you really gonna stand in the way of that, Iruka-sensei?”

Everyone in the stand was silent. Iruka was frozen in place, eyes fixed sightlessly on some far off spot. After a moment, he cracked under the pressure, and let out a small sigh, his hands loosening in his lap. He smiled self-depreciatingly. “This is my karma for all those pranks over the years, isn’t it? I’m finally getting what I deserve…”

Kiba snorted. “I don’t know, Iruka-sensei, you had to put up with Naruto during her academy days, when she would always prank you, nag at you for extra taijutsu lessons, and make you check out her traps- sometimes by catching you in them! That was probably punishment enough.”

Iruka raised his right hand from his lap and idly traced the wooden grain of the counter in front of him. “No, Naruto’s pranks never really bothered me- I have a pretty good sense of humour. Besides, her first prank on me was the reason we ever _became_ friends.” Iruka quirked his lips at the fond memory, but Kakashi clearing his throat interrupted his trailing thoughts. Iruka cheeks reddened with embarrassment, and he finished off his lingering answer.

“As for the extra training… it was my way of acknowledging her, and she became a better shinobi because of that extra practice. And she became an even better shinobi, mature and strong, once she was _your_ student.” Iruka sighed. “This was inevitable, wasn’t it? Pretending she was still the same kid… It was never going to stop her.”

Kakashi smirked, removed his arms from the counter to cross them over his chest, and finally re-joined the conversation. “I think you should just give her the chance to prove her maturity- it’s her future, after all. Besides, she may even change your mind. She _is_ the ‘Most Unpredictable Kunoichi’.”

After a quiet moment, Iruka laughed, small and soft. “She is an adult, isn’t she?… I may still not agree with this,” he mused, “because I’m not sure if she’s _really_ in love… but I think I’ll let her make the decision on what she wants for herself.” Iruka slyly looked over at Kakashi. “You had an emotional crisis coming to terms with this, didn’t you?”

The Hatake sheepishly shrugged. “Wouldn’t anyone in my position? Kami, I was so worried Minato was going to come back from the afterlife to _kill me_ if I accepted the truth and broke my promise to him.”

Kiba’s snickering interrupted Kakashi’s admission. “That’s stupid- Naruto would just punch her old man in the face if he tried to stop her from being with the guy she was in love with.”

Kakashi blinked, before a surprised laugh escaped him. “Mah, Kiba, you sure are the wise one today, aren’t you? Making Iruka see the error of his plan to stop Naruto from confessing, calling me out on my, in hindsight, silly fears… You actually have a pretty good head on your shoulders.” Kakashi eyes took on a dazed quality, and he turned to Iruka. “How is it that it’s the youngest guy here, the human shield, and the Inuzuka to boot that’s that most emotionally stable? The apocalypse really is happening…”

“Hey!” Kiba interrupted, reddening at Kakashi’s backhanded compliment.

Kakashi simply smiled. “My work here is done. It’s been a pleasure talking with you, Iruka, Kiba.” Kakashi slid to his feet, and began to meander his way out of the stand.

Kiba watched the Hokage leave, a quick scope of his direction showing that he was heading off towards the Hokage monument.

“Makes sense,” Kiba mumbled quietly to himself. “The monument… it’s one of Naruto’s favourite places. Pretty private, too. There’s no betting stations anywhere near it. If he goes there… and Naruto confesses… there won’t be anybody around to make her nervous, or cause her to chicken out.” Kiba smiled. “Good luck, Naruto…”

Iruka raised his head to look consideringly at Kiba. “Don’t go crazy on me now, Kiba. If you start muttering to yourself all the time, you won’t be the last emotionally stable shinobi in Konoha anymore,” the academy sensei finished with a sly grin.

“Hey!” Kiba barked with a laugh, leaning over to lightly punch the grinning man in the shoulder. The tension that had been brought to the stand with the Hokage faded, and peace was once again restored with Iruka’s joking manner.

As he sat at Ichiraku’s and slowly returned to conversing with Iruka and joking around with Ayame, Kiba found himself wondering. If he really wanted, he could go to a betting station right now and win The Bet…

Iruka suddenly laughed at a joke of Teuchi’s, spitting up the ramen he had been eating. Ayame giggled, before turning to Kiba and asking him if he “wanted something else to eat, on the house!” Kiba smiled. He would rather stay here over the insanity of Konaha’s current shipping madness any day, bet or no bet.

No wonder Naruto liked this ramen stand so much- it was a home away from home. And the person she loved? Well, Kakashi must be a part of that home too…

Xxx

Sakura let out a heavy groan, and pillowed her head into her arms that were propped up on the dinky little desk in front of her.

To her side, sitting in the desk she occupied not so long ago, Tsunade snorted, and leaned back with her hands behind her head. “This is what you get for hiding precious Intel from me, Sakura. Besides- the ‘Slug Gang’ has a much better ring to it, don’t you think?”

“…Damn Nara… stupid bet… s’not fair-… should be the ‘Sucker Gang’...” Tsunade couldn’t hear everything Sakura mumbled due to her words being muffled by her arms, but she got the gist of it.

“Oh, stop complaining- at least you’ll still be rich once Naruto confesses.” Sakura lifted her head, her hair mussed and face pale. _She seemed to finally be over the worst of her downfall, though_ , Tsunade mused to herself. With a hum, the lone remaining sannin rose to her feet, and made her way to doorway, which still lacked a door from her abrupt entrance earlier that day.

Tsunade cocked her head behind her, and drawled out, “No use sitting around waiting for The Bet to end- we might as well do something useful. Now that the hospitals open again, patients should be flooding in. I could use your help to deal with the injuries…”

For a moment, Sakura stared blank faced at the ex-Hokage in front her. Finally, she let out a sigh. With a small smile, she rose to her feet, and despite her emotional exhaustion, beamed at her sensei. “Let’s do this then, shannaro!”

Tsunade grinned back at her, and together, they went to deal with the continuing aftermath of the greatest bet to ever exist.

Using her usurped power, Tsunade quickly took control of the situation- “Everyone trained in first aid, follow Sakura! Anyone not- code B12! Find any injured shinobi and bring them back to the hospital. Make sure to spread the word that the hospital is once again open for patients!”

The Bet may have driven most of the shinobi in the elemental nations to madness, but under direct order from the imposing figure of a woman born to lead, (and who _had_ lead them in the past), they quickly shaped up.

“YES MA’AM.”

Xxx

Ino wrenched Shino by the hand, pulling him out of the way just in time to save him from the suddenly descending net.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, still holding her hand as they continued to sprint through the misty alley. Ino rolled her eyes and let herself be guided through the minefield of traps, occasionally asserting her superiority by saving Shino himself from a hidden trap. They were almost there…

After they had cleaned out their pockets, they had left the semi-nude Anko and her Minions in the alley. The two had then continued on with their perilous quest to reach the betting station in the shopping district. Shino had been… _surprised_ by her choice of bet _. (“-Ka-Ka-Ka,”_ he had incoherently  stuttered, staring at her with disbelieving eyes when she told him who their hopes were riding on. Ino had snorted, and continued to drag his nearly catatonic form by the hand). However, he had soon overcome his shock with the skill of a true Aburame, and they had seamlessly worked together since.

They had managed to enter the shopping district almost a half hour ago, but making their way through towards the betting station was slow. It didn’t help that this was apparently cult central, or that the station itself was in a salon (a place Naruto would _never_ willingly go), which was across the entire district.

“On your left; 3, 2, 1-” Shino whispered, and swung  Ino around by the arm as he finished his count. Ino lashed out with a furious kick, deflecting a fuuma shuriken that had flown from seemingly nowhere (this mist was starting to get really annoying!).  With her remaining momentum, she swung back to Shino’s side, and they continued on their journey.

Also, the _damn traps_. They were everywhere, and the mist made avoiding them a real pain!

The gradually louder sound of banging drums brought them to a halt. Ino made a split second decision as the ominous Thump! Thump! came closer. She pushed the Aburame into the crumbling remains of a nearby store, and jumped in after him to hide within the rubble.

The unlikely duo peered over the edge of a broken-in window, eyes furiously attempting to cut through the opaque mist.

A large, indistinct shape approached, vaguely brownish –yellow, though the colour of the massive blob was coming into better focus as it drew nearer. Quiet chanting could be heard from the large mass of what was now revealed to be people, all dressed in the same horrendous orange outfit. Ino narrowed her eyes at the sight- those people had _terrible_ fashion sense.

Shino’s hand tensed in hers when the approaching mob came to a sudden stop in the middle of the street. By now, their chanting was understandable.

“By the power of Orange, The Bet is ours, the Ramen our meal, the Broth our drink… By the power of Orange…” they droned on.

“These guys are nut jobs,” Ino muttered. She tugged at Shino’s hand, and gestured to the back of the decrepit store. “Let’s escape out the back- we have to get to the betting station before it’s too late.”

Shino nodded, and they slowly slid along the ground, careful to not disturb any broken glass. They had made it halfway through the store when a sudden cry chilled Ino to the bone, freezing her in her tracks.

“I don’t want to eat anymore ramen!” a familiar voice called out. Ino whipped up her head, heedless of Shino’s attempts to drag her back to the safety of the ground.

In the midst of the mob was Chouji, tied to a palanquin supported by three brawny Iwa-nin. His stomach was bloated, and his eyes held such despair that Ino was able to see it from even her distance away. A cloaked figure at his side raised a pair of chopsticks to his mouth.

“To divine the answer, someone must eat the sacred Ramen… 42 bowls of it, as Naruto had done upon her return from exile!”

The woman ignored Chouj’s exclamation, “It was her training trip, damnit! Not some religious exile!” and shoved the heaping chopsticks into the Akimichi’s mouth while he was still yelling. The Akimichi resisted the food, and attempted to spit it out, but the woman at his side was having none of his rebellious attitude.

“If you don’t eat this Ramen, I’ll turn you into a pincushion!” she exclaimed. Eventually, with much threat of stabbing and a forceful hand to his mouth to make him chew, she managed to get the Akimichi to chow down the rest of the mouthful.

“Bowl Number 36!” the woman cried out, raising her hands dramatically to the sky. The empty ramen bowl flew from her hand, and a large scramble broke out as members of the mob attempted to catch it.

Ino turned back to her companion. “We have to help him, Shino!” she furiously whispered. “Chouji has avoided ramen since his last eating contest with Naruto- this is probably worse than torture for him!”

Shino raised his free hand to rub at his forehead, gaze locked with Ino’s, frustration and hopelessness leaking into his eyes. He furrowed his brow as he responded. “There is nothing we can do. Why? There are far too many of them- in the face of their collective force, there is no way for us find a favourable outcome.”

Ino huffed through her nose, anger shining in her eyes, but after a moment the rage left her. She deflated with a sigh into Shino’s side. He lifted his arm to accommodate her, and gently stroked the ragged mess of her hair.

“I know you’re right,” she whispered. “But he’s my teammate… If only those bastards weren’t so crazed with shipping…”

After a moment, Ino grudgingly lifted herself from the Aburame’s side, and began to once again crawl towards the back of the store. “Come on- we have a bet to win.”

Shino hadn’t moved from his spot- he was frozen still with shock, eyes wide and unseeing.

“Shino?” Ino called back.

The Aburame turned to the Yamanaka, a grin slowly stretching to spread across his entire face. “Wouldn’t it be terrible, for a group as shipping crazed as this,” Shino murmured, eyes alight with unholy glee, “to find out that The Bet has already finished, before they could divine the answer? Why, I’m sure there would be an uprising, infighting to the highest degree as they attempted to take out their anger on each other… Too ‘shipping crazed’ to question if it’s the truth...”

Ino stared back with wide eyes, before beaming at the Aburame. “You’re a genius!” she whispered. She lunged forward from her kneeling position, back into the Aburame’s lap, sending them thumping to the ground. Smiling lips joined as they shared an explosive kiss, eyes both closing in bliss. After a moment, they broke apart. Shino reached up a hand to cup Ino’s face while his other fell to rest easily on her hip, and the Yamanaka fisted her hands in his soot covered coat.

“Well, m’lady,” Shino said with a wry grin, helping Ino to her feet with the hand around her waist as he stood. “Shall be go… Fuck some shit up?”

Ino charmingly smiled back. “I would love to!”

Joined at the hip, they made their way out onto the street.

“That was amazing!” Ino obnoxiously exclaimed, turning to Shino with stars in her eyes. “Who would have thought it would be _him?_ ” A large portion of the mob turned at Ino’s exclamation, eyes wary but curious.

“It was the obvious outcome, really,” Shino loudly pondered, acting oblivious to the numerous eyes upon him. “I’m just glad it’s over- now, I can go cash in.”

Furious mutterings broke out in the orange sea of people as they looked consideringly at the Aburame. Some whispered to themselves- “No, it couldn’t be… is The Bet?...”

“What the hell are you talking about?” demanded a balding Suna jounin that was standing in front of Chouji’s palanquin, interrupting the mutterings of the crowd as they instinctively turned to hear his words. “You’re interrupting an important ritual to determine the winner of The Bet! Leave now, or face the consequences of ‘The Orange’…”

The mob, under some unspoken command, began to surround the seemingly unworried duo, much like Anko’s Minions had circled Ino earlier. The Yamanaka was not nervous like she had been then, though- the solid weight at her side was encouragement enough.

“Determine the outcome of The Bet?” Ino asked back, and then let out a breathy laugh. “How silly! The Bet finished just twenty minutes ago!”

Shino nodded. “Yes- we saw Naruto confess to him near the vegetable market. This ritual of ‘The Orange’ is foolish- why? Because you are already much too late…”

Some of the crowd began to angrily advance towards the duo, unbelieving of their “Blasphemy against The Orange!”, but most were staring with wide eyes at the at the unlikely partners, and others still had turned to face the Suna Jounin in front of the palanquin, killing intent slowly beginning to form into a heavy cloud within the air.

The mist, which had cloaked the shopping district the entire day, began to dissipate as many of the shinobi who had been holding the jutsu lost concentration, the emotional blow of The Bet’s possible completion sending some of them to their knees. The Killing intent itself carved a path through the fog, allowing light to finally pierce down and illuminate the increasingly panicked faces of the crowd.

“Lies!” the woman feeding Chouji his 37th bowl of ramen cried. “We couldn’t have missed it- the Ramen would have foretold it. It was my salvation after shipping NejiNaru for years! This has to be a lie- we- we couldn’t have _missed_ it...”

Ino snorted, and turned disinterested eyes down at her nails. “Believe whatever helps you sleep at night,” she drawled, “but we’re going to go cash in on our win. We only came here because the Nara in charge of the vegetable market betting station went crazy and lost control, probably from having to deal with all the people who were angry about _losing_ The Bet… Just. _Like_. _YOU_.”

For a single, shaky moment, no one made a move. Then, after a tense pause, absolute _chaos_ descended.

“I only joined this goddamn cult to win The Bet!” a furious kunoichi cried, ripping away her orange robe.

“This cult only got me to join because it promised it was legit, blessed with Naruto’s favourite food… and I believed it!” another exclaimed. He turned rage filled eyes at the inner circle of Ramen zealots, who had congregated around their balding leading as tensions began to rise.

“Get them!” Tenten cried, throwing off her cowl to reveal that it was _she_ who had been feeding Chouji the sacred ramen this entire time. “I wasted my entire day forcing ramen down my friend’s throat- you’ll pay for this!”

As one collective rage filled entity, the previous members of ‘The Orange’ turned on their leaders, crazed no longer with shipping, but _revenge._

Ino and Shino weaved through the chaotic battlefield, ducking under countless kunai and shuriken. At one point, a screaming member of ‘The Orange’ almost managed to hit them with a torrent of ramen from a large pot, but a quick shunshin saved them from a salty end.

The Yamanaka heiress let go of Shino’s hand to race to Chouji’s fallen palanquin, quickly undoing the knots that had tied him. With a groan, the Akimichi rose, Shino giving him a hand to help him stand.

“Chouji, we have to get out of here!” Ino furiously whispered, tugging on her teammate’s arm. “Things are about to get even crazier- if you stay here, overeating will be the _least_ of your problems…” Shino nodded grimly at the Akimichi, giving his wordless agreement with Ino.

Chouji shook his head, and gently pulled his arm away from Ino’s grip. “I’m sorry, but there’s something I have to do,” he whispered. An unholy fire lit within his eyes, and with a deranged smile he proclaimed, “DEATH TO ‘THE ORANGE’!” After giving one last borderline psychotic smile to the stunned duo, he charged back into the fray, using his clan techniques to turn into a raging ball of ramen-induced fury.

Ino blinked, before letting out a small laugh. She turned back to Shino and extended her hand once again. “Well, _partner_ , lets extend our reach,” she drawled.

Shino’s eyes crinkled with his smile as he took the Yamanaka’s hand. “…To the stars above _._ ” Ino beamed at Shino- he had understood the reference! They seamlessly joined hands, and raced back through the raging battle.

Now that the mist was gone, it was easier to spot any lurking traps, and the duo swiftly made their way to the salon. Ducking under a hanging beam, they entered the battered looking shop, the door swaying loosely on one hinge.

The Nara in charge spastically lifted his head at the sound of their entry. He menacingly raised a kunai at their approach. “NOT ONE MORE STEP!” he yelled, eyes crazed. The counter he stood behind was riddled with gouges and burn marks, and to its side the unconscious forms of some orange robed figures could be seen.

“ARE YOU ONE OF THOSE ORANGE BASTARDS?!” he demanded. “WEARING NORMAL CLOTHES WON’T FOOL ME- I WON’T LET THIS BETTING STATION BE TAKEN LIKE THE HOSPITAL’S, LOST LIKE THE VEGETABLE MARKET’S, OR BURNED DOWN LIKE THE SHINOBI HOUSING SECTOR’S!”

The duo blinked in surprise at the Nara’s uncharacteristic exclamation- lot of Nara’s were going crazy today, it seemed…

“We have no relation to the cultists,” Shino slowly said. “In fact, we just disbanded their organization. So why are we here, you ask?”

Ino cautiously approached, raising placating hands. “We’re just here to make a bet,” she calmly intoned, continuing Shino’s sentence.

The Nara wearily inspected the two as they approached the counter, but after a moment his tension faded and he let out a sigh. “This entire goddamn day has been the worst drag _ever_ ,” he mumbled. After a moment, he shook his head, and in a more professional tone asked them- “What is your bet?”

A heaping mess of ryo was promptly dumped on the counter, emerging from within a sealing scroll Shino had kept safe in his jacket. Ino added more to the pile, fisting out wads of paper bills from within her shoes and the confines of her bra.

The Nara blinked in surprise at the small _fortune_ in front of him. “How the hell…” he whispered.

“I always keep an emergency fund on my person,” Shino drawled.

Ino grinned. “And I made sure to take out my life savings before I even took Naruto out on her shopping trip this morning. I added even more to it today- shinobi, after all, are great pick-pockets- especially when their victim is a semi-nude snake-summoner that _deserves_ it.”

The Nara blinked, then sighed and rubbed at his eyes. “I don’t even want to know. Well then, what’s your bet?”

The duo smiled evilly. “All of it,” Shino began.

Ino smirked as she finished the answer. “On…”

The Nara froze after the Yamanaka said the name, and then broke out into obnoxious laughter. “You can’t be serious!” he wheezed out. “That’s a losing bet if I’ve ever heard one!” Still breaking out into giggles occasionally, the runner of the shopping district betting station collected the money, and had the duo sign the necessary paperwork.

It had taken a mad race against Shino, beating Anko at her own game, and destroying a cult, but Ino had finally done it. She had accomplished her goal- the entire reason she had blackmailed Naruto into shopping with her. As Ino finished signing her name with a flourish of the pen, she triumphantly smiled. So what if she broke the rules of The Bet, and accidently started the apocalypse?  Naruto was about to confess thanks to her actions, and find the happiness that she deserved with the man she loved…

And Ino would be all the richer for it.

The cherry on top of her fantastic day was holding her hand. Ino had gotten the most exciting date of her life, with hopefully more to come. Sai was a distant memory compared to Shino. Who need an artist with a tragic backstory? With Shino, she could laugh, smile, and be appreciated for exactly who she was.

Bet or no bet- Ino had already won.

Together, Ino and Shino left the shop with hands joined tightly together, grins wide on their faces as they headed towards the Hokage monument to face the end. The end… of The Bet.


	11. The Reason For Ramen

Kakashi looked down on the village, his position from the Hokage monument letting him see all the destruction that had occurred during the hellish day.

The fires in the shinobi housing sector had only just begun to be put out. The hospital was a slowly recovering warzone. The shopping district was a misty nightmare, though the fog was gradually fading as Kakashi’s stared down towards its midst. The vegetable market was cloaked in an impenetrable darkness, and the tower that had been erected within it earlier that day was nowhere in sight.

Kakashi let out a tired sigh, and flopped backwards onto his back, staring up towards the slightly cloudy sky as a freckled, flustered chuunin raced by. He traced the movements of the cumulus clouds, finding peace in their lazy movements through the blue above.

There would be no peace on the ground.

Once the outcome of The Bet was revealed, he would probably have another uprising on his hands. From clips of conversation Kakashi had heard on his walk here, other villages were much the same- Suna was under full lockdown, and Iwa had apparently been swallowed into a mountain. How the hell that had happened, he had _no_ clue. Shipping crazed people always seemed capable of the impossible.

For now, Kakashi let his worries fade. The sky was blue, the breeze was calm, and the day was warm. Hell could wait till tomorrow. This was (hopefully) going to be the happiest day of Naruto’s life, after all…

The day she finally confessed to the love of her life, her most precious person. Maybe the terrible things that happened today balanced out- Naruto’s happiness was _surely_ worth the current and future fallout.

…Right?

“Oh Kami, who am I kidding!?” Kakashi suddenly exclaimed. Throwing his hands to his face he moaned in despair. “Everything is going to become ten times worse when everyone finds out!” The Hatake feebly whimpered like a kicked dog, then sat up to hold his knees to his chest. He began rocking back and forth, his eyes going delirious with sheer terror.

“The paperwork nightmare after this... I’m never gonna catch a break! This really is the apocalypse!”

 

Xxx

 

Kiba was having an awesome day.

It had started off pretty rocky, what with kidnapping and all, but his time at Ichiraku’s had been great. Hell, he had also gotten to learn that he was (apparently) the only emotionally stable person left in the whole village!

There was something in the back of his mind that kept him from falling into complete bliss, though. He couldn’t place exactly what the feeling was, but it felt like he was _missing_ something. What the hell he possibly could have missed, Kiba had no clue. It probably wasn’t that important…

A sudden scent caught his attention, a whiff of lemon and sunshine, bright and popping. Kiba turned towards the entrance of the stand- who was ballsy enough to intrude on the territory of Umino Iruka?

A smoking hot blonde poked her head into the stand, hands clasped tightly in front of her sky blue dress. The leanly muscled contours of her arms and legs did little to detract from the obvious curves of her bust, waist and hips. A sharp canine peaked out to worry at her slightly chapped bottom lip, and her rounded cheeks held only a slight gleam of makeup. Her eyes completed the image, bluer than the clearest sky, and fixed just to the left of the Inuzuka. Kiba swallowed audibly at the sight she made.

Kiba tried to open his mouth to say something, _anything_ , but found himself frozen- she was one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen! Was she actually going to come into the ramen stand? Kiba couldn’t be that lucky… But if she did, he wasn’t gonna complain, no siree!

At his side, Iruka tensed, eyes widening as he took in the blonde.

The woman slowly made her way into the stand, her stride slow and deliberate, her gaze solid and focused. Her hands were nervously fidgeting with each other, but otherwise she presented an illusion of calm. She was halfway to the counter when Kiba finally found his voice.

“H-hey!” Kiba managed to choke out, his throat suddenly dry. “W-who’re you? Wouldn’t expect a dolled-up girl like you to drop by this little ramen stand…” _Oh Kami he sounded like an idiot- he was so nervous!_

The blonde paused in her walk, and gave Kiba an incredulous look. She planted her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes. “What the hell, Kiba? It’s _me_. Don’t tell me you’ve gone blind! And… why’re you here, dattebayo?”

Kiba froze again, his mouth hanging open. An unintelligible _squeak_ left his lips. _Holy shit, this beautiful blonde… it was-_

“…Hello, Naruto.” Iruka spoke up. Naruto instantly whipped her head to face him, gaze determined. Kiba looked back as well, and saw in Iruka’s eyes a deep resignation.

“…Hey, Iruka.” Naruto whispered. She cautiously approached the empty seat at Iruka’s side, and after a moment, sat down, gingerly placing her clasped hands on the counter. She flitted her eyes to Kiba’s still gaping form, a small frown forming on her usually smiling face. She looked back and forth between Kiba and Iruka, her eyes becoming slightly panicked.

After a moment, she calmed herself, and a determined gleam once again entered her eyes. Giving one last piercing look at the gaping Inuzuka, she shook her head and turned back to the tense man at her side.

“I-I’ve got something I need to tell you…” she mumbled, gaze not once erring from the man in front of her. Iruka remained motionless.

As she took a moment to collect herself, Kiba broke out of his stupor and stared consideringly at the blonde. The whiskers that usually marked her cheeks were covered by light makeup, and she must have put on some perfume. All that, including the dress, made him not feel too bad for not recognizing her- hell, he had almost never seen her without at least some orange on before!

 _But… Why the hell was she here_? Kiba wondered. After a moment, the obvious conclusion came, and Kiba felt like an idiot for not realizing the clear truth sooner. She must have come here because she wanted to tell Iruka first, and collect herself at her home-away-from-home before she confessed!

Kiba found himself smiling slightly. Of course Naruto would tell her oldest friend her plan before she carried it out. And coming here… She was probably going to buy a bowl of ramen before she left. Nothing like a reassuring bowl of ramen for the woman who was obsessed with it!

Honestly, she hardly needed a reason to enjoy her favourite food, but here one was- a calming meal before she confessed to a certain Hokage.

Kiba slyly looked over at the frozen form of Iruka. That the Umino had chosen to hole out at Ichiraku’s made a certain amount of sense too- he had been planning to talk Naruto out of her confession! By waiting at the one place she was sure to go, Iruka was guaranteed an opportunity to say his piece. It must be kind of weird to have Kiba here to witness that conversation, but Iruka had never voiced any concerns on Kiba waiting out the apocalypse at the ramen stand, so he figured it was okay that he was here to witness Naruto sharing her plans with Iruka.

Kiba’s musings were interrupted as Naruto cleared her throat. The blonde had finally collected herself, and was ready to continue her speech.

“I’ve wanted to tell you this for a long time…” she whispered. She folded her hands into her lap, and scrunched the fabric of her dress between her fingers, eyes still locked to Iruka’s. After audibly gulping, she opened her mouth to speak again, but Iruka interrupted her before she could continue.

“Naruto, please- _please_ don’t- if you do, you can _never_ go back, and things will never be the same,” he begged. “I know it’s your decision- that damn Hokage and Kiba made me realize that much- but I still don’t think this is the right choice. And I still don’t think that these feelings you have are one-hundred percent legitimate.” Iruka bowed his head, and clenched his hands together on top of the counter like he was grounding himself through an immense pain.

“So please, before it’s too late- _turn back_.” Kiba couldn’t see Iruka’s eyes because the man was turned away from him and looking at Naruto, but the absolute amount of pain in his words surprised the Inuzuka. He really was bothered by the fact that Naruto loved Kakashi, wasn’t he?

The Hokage-to-be was having none of Iruka’s blitherings. A fire had lit within her eyes, and she tenderly lifted Iruka’s hands into her own. She linked their fingers together, offering a pillar of solidarity to the anxious Umino.

“No, Iruka.” She whispered. “No more running.” She took in a heavy breath, and Iruka tensed like he was preparing for a blow. Kiba anxiously held his breath. _Go Naruto! Tell him that Kakashi’s the man for you!_

Naruto exhaled, and smiled a small, shaky smile at the man before her. “Umino Iruka, I’m in love with you.”

…WHAT.

Iruka began to speak, oblivious to Kiba destroyed perception of reality. “B-but how do you know its love?! You’re almost ten years younger than me- for Kami’s sake, I used to be your sensei! For all you know, this is some childhood infatuation that you just haven’t had the time to get over yet. Please- just, just think about this for a second! How can you be sure?!”

Naruto stared calmly back at Iruka, still smiling in the face of his nervous ramblings. The shakiness that had been with her since she had entered the stand was finally gone. She pulled on the hands she had clasped with Iruka’s, and leaned in closer to him, gently stroking a thumb over his knuckles when he tensed.

“I- I feel so free, now,” she whispered. “I love you _. I love you_. I love you! No matter how much you say I don’t, it’s still the truth. So what if you’re older? I don’t got time for little boys. And being my old sensei… well, you weren’t my sensei when we first became friends, and you’re not anymore- haven’t been for ten years. _This_ is my choice.” A shadow flickered across her face, and her gaze shuttered. The callused fingers of Naruto’s hand stopped stroking Iruka’s.

“But… if you honestly can never return my feelings, if this is pointless… tell me right now. Don’t run away, or worry about hurting my feelings. I’ve been waiting six years to tell you this- I don’t want to wait another six trying to figure out if you’ll ever see me the way I see you.” Naruto’s lips pursed and her entire body locked in on itself.

“Do I have a chance?” she whispered, eyes wide and impossibly blue.

Iruka was quiet as he stared at the beautiful woman before him. After a moment, he finally heaved out a sigh and responded. “I- I need to know something first,” he mumbled. Iruka clenched their hands tighter, but Naruto seemed oblivious to his tightening grip, her entire focus hanging upon his every word.

“…How do you know you love me?” he finished, staring at her with desperate eyes.

Naruto blinked, before beaming back at him, cutting through the tension like sunshine through a fog. “That’s easy!” she exclaimed. A sheepish smile took over her face, and she lifted a hand from their clasped ones to nervously fiddle with the hiate-ate around her neck. “I gotta tell you another secret for it to make sense though- okay?”

Iruka jerkily nodded, and managed a weak grin. “This secret can’t be near as much of a bomb as the one you just dropped. I just- I have to know that this is for the right reasons- that you’re not being misled in _any_ way.”

The blonde gave a determined nod, before shifting slightly in her seat. She gently lowered her hand back to Iruka’s. “This is something I’ve never told ANYONE. Like, I told a few people how a felt about you, but _no one_ knows about this- it’s something I’ve kept secret for, like, fifteen years…” Naruto trailed off, eyes reminiscing.

Iruka, who was hinged on her every word, made a small noise of surprise. The tiny, normalish action broke Naruto from her stupor. She gave him another small smile, which he instinctually returned. He always returned her smiles- even back when no one else would. Naruto took in a heavy breath, and finally delivering the greatest secret she had ever kept.

“Ramen is okay.” She intoned, gaze levelled and serious.

Iruka was frozen for a moment. Then, the reality of Naruto words hit him and he groaned.  “Naruto, everyone knows you like ramen- that’s not a secret. And that doesn’t explain _at all_ why you think you’re in love with me! Please, Naruto- I _need_ more than jokes right now!”

Naruto puffed out her cheeks indignantly. “No, you don’t get it; _ramen is okay_. It’s not bad, but it’s not great, either. It’s way too salty, and once you eat all the noodles, it’s just spicy broth. Jeeze, it’s not really that healthy, either! Sweet things at least taste super good to make up for the fact that they suck for you!”

Iruka seemed dazed, and he shook his head like he was trying to ground himself through his disorientating thoughts. “But- that doesn’t make sense... You _love_ ramen. You’re- you’re always eating it, and if anyone asks what you want to eat, you’ll always choose ramen over anything else. You make me buy it for you every time I take you out to eat! If you’re telling the truth, and you honestly don’t care that much for it, then why have you been eating it all these years? Why would you pretend you love it!?”

Naruto’s cheeks reddened, and she smiled at the flustered Umino. “Because… the first time someone ever made me feel like I was important… like someone cared about me… we were at a ramen stand.”

Iruka froze. Naruto continued to meet his gaze, eyes crinkling with her smile.

“I eat ramen, because whenever I eat it, it reminds me of _who_ I always ate it with… and it reminds me of what my life used to be like. I used to be alone, and I was so cold, so _empty_. The villagers all avoided me, y’know, and the old man wasn’t really a big part in my life until after my third year in the academy… I didn’t know what being warm and happy was like, and, and if you hadn’t been there… I still might not. All those times you’d take me out for ramen, when I was in the academy and after I’d left, you’d always be there, ready with that smile, that laugh- just for me… And suddenly, the world was brighter.” Naruto trailed off, lost in some distant memory. After a moment, she pulled herself back into the present, and gave Iruka her signature Uzumaki grin.

“So no. I don’t really care for ramen. But I love it because it reminds me of _every happy memory I have with you._ I didn’t realize exactly what that meant- that I _loved_ you- until I learned what precious people were, but it still stands.” Naruto seemed to glow with quiet happiness, and she finished her last words off at a whisper.

“You’re Umino Iruka. You crinkle your nose and scar when you smile, and you never let your hair down unless you’re in your house. You’re kinda bossy, but that’s because you’re strong and know your shit better than anyone- and _refuse_ to take shit from others. You love murder mysteries, and keep track of more gossip than a middle age woman. You’re a prankster at heart, but you don’t joke around when I need you most. Kami, just _seeing_ you brightens my day, makes my heart beat faster, and I can’t help but smile when you smile back… I _know_ that I might be able to live without you. But _I don’t want to_. A life without hearing your laugh, seeing your smile, or ever feeling your hand put this hiate-ate around my neck… Isn’t really a life at all. Because… well. Because you’re Umino Iruka; my reason for ramen. And _that’s_ why I love you.”

Iruka was speechless. His eyes were blown wide with his surprise and awe, and he thoughtlessly began to roll Naruto’s fingers through his own. Naruto was still smiling, but her eyes took on a nervous cast. She anxiously bit her lip, eyes riveted and waiting for Iruka’s reaction.

After a moment, Iruka blinked, and his face crinkled into a wide grin. He broke out into bright laughter, finally untethered. Lightly shaking his head, he turned a smaller and more nervous grin at the dazed blonde. “Of all the ways to prove you love someone…” he mumbled. Gently, he lifted their clasped hands, and leaned in towards the blushing woman. “But… you’ve finally convinced me this is _real-_ that you really _do_ love me. You’ve grown up from the kid in orange, always yelling you were going to be Hokage. You are a determined, beautiful, and _incredible_ woman. You said that a life without me isn’t really a life at all… But the reverse is true, too. Naruto- I don’t want to live a life without seeing _your_ smile, hearing _your_ laugh. I- I’ve been ignoring the signs for years- at first, because you _were_ too young. But… for the last three years- I’ve known. That I was lying not just to you, but to myself as well.”

Iruka seemed finally at peace, and his eyes filled with a gentle love directed solely for the wide-eyed woman sitting beside him. He leaned forward and gave a light kiss to her hand, which was still clasped in his own, and whispered, “You’ve got _one hell of a chance_ , Naruto.”

It was Naruto’s turn to freeze in shock. Bright blue eyes met amused brown, and after a moment a look of pure, unadultered joy swallowed her previous surprise.

“THIS IS THE BEST DAY _EVER_!” she exclaimed, and leaned forward to peck the unprepared Umino on the cheek. He instantly blushed, and though for a second he seemed like he was going to instinctively reprimand her, the reality of what had just occurred to him seemingly dawned on him. Instead, rolled his eyes and simply basked in Naruto’s happiness.

“It’s about damn time!” Teuchi, who had been unnoticed till now, exclaimed. Iruka and Naruto jerked in surprise, and their hands broke apart, each instinctively whipping towards the direction of the voice. Behind the counter, Teuchi was smugly smiling at the duo, his arms crossed satisfactorily across his chest and his gaze proud. At his side, Ayame at hearts in her eyes, and she flickered her eyes back and forth between Naruto and Iruka. She let out a happy squeal.

“Congratulations!” she beamed. “We’ve been rooting for you guys _forever_.”

Iruka sighed and shook his head at her words, but Naruto shot Ayame the victory sign, and the girls shared a commiserating wink.

“How long’s forever?” Iruka suspiciously asked, looking towards Teuchi as the blonde at his side excitedly conversed with the brown haired girl.

“Since she came back from that training trip,” Teuchi responded with a smirk. “I didn’t support it before then because she was too young, but… she really came into her own once she came back. I’m glad you finally got your head out of your ass and accepted what anyone who saw the signs knew was inevitable.”

The cook then gave a pointed look towards the catatonic form of Kiba, who was sightlessly staring at the empty bowl of ramen in front of him and muttering incoherent words under his breath. Iruka winced at the sight the Inuzuka made, and bashfully looked back at Teuchi, who simply raised a brow.

“Trying to use that kid as a human shield, hoping that his presence here would make Naruto chicken out… It was a smart plan, but you’ve probably ruined any remaining sanity he had. And that says a lot, considering he was the last emotionally stable shinobi left in Konoha.” Teuchi rolled his eyes at Iruka’s ashamed expression, and turned back to his cooking prep work.

Naruto noticed the despondent attitude of the man beside her, and scooted her chair closer so that their sides were touching. Her cheeks momentarily reddened at the contact, but she shook away her nerves and turned serious eyes on the Umino.

“I don’t wanna rush ya into this, but I was wondering…” Naruto shrunk a little as Iruka lifted his gaze to hers, but steeled herself and determinedly pressed on. “Would ya- would you like to go on a date? With me?” Naruto’s eyes took on an injured puppy dog quality, and soulfully gazed into Iruka’s.

The academy sensei had a lot of practice saying no to such expressions due to working in the academy (hell, he could even turn down Inuzuka’s that used it!), but for once he found himself caving in. He didn’t feel near as guilty doing so as he would have thought.

“I- I’d like that.” He whispered with a smile.

Naruto beamed back, and impulsively grabbed his left hand with her right one, idly resting them on their touching thighs. “Great!” She shyly smiled at the Umino, and slowly leaned over to rest her head on his shoulder. Iruka made no move to stop her, and she relaxed completely into his side.

“Just… not Ichiraku’s, okay?” she mumbled, words muffled by Iruka’s chuunin vest. “I could do without ramen for a while. Besides, if you’re eating with me, _any_ food will taste good.” Iruka hummed his agreement, and the two spoke no more words.

The atmosphere of the stand was calm, the home-away-from-home of the two shinobi bringing them to peace. Despite his fears for the future, Iruka found himself less worried than he had been in… well, _years_. The things he had been clinging to to avoid this, they all seemed so _silly_ now. Sure, they had been valid concerns, and he was sure others would make a fuss as well about the age difference and him being her old sensei - _especially_ because people would be pissed off from The Bet. Sometimes though, you had to face the truth. And right now, with a beautiful woman that loved him at his side, he felt that maybe, just maybe… he was finally done running.

THUMP!

Iruka was broken from his thoughts at the sudden sound, and Naruto lifted her head from his shoulder to peer around him. Kiba, who had been having one hell of reality crisis, had finally caved in to his shock. The Inuzuka must have fainted in his chair, and slouched to the side, because he was currently in crumpled heap on the ground. A slight sheen of red in his hair, and a quick glance at the counter, revealed he had had smoked his crown onto the corner of the counter as he fell.

The academy sensei slid from his seat to inspect Kiba’s fallen form, gently probing the swelling flesh covered by his wild hair. Iruka sighed, and turned his head away from Kiba to meet Naruto’s worried eyes. “Would you like to come with me to take him to the hospital? He might have a concussion.”

Naruto firmly nodded, and jumped down from her stool to help the Umino support Kiba between them as they stood. Iruka gave a nod to Teuchi, who waved them away, and the duo made their way out onto the street.

The blonde excitedly beamed at the Umino as they stepped onto the road. “I can’t wait to tell Sakura about all of this- she’s gonna flip when she realizes _I_ have a date and _she_ doesn’t. Serves her right... Did ya know that at the hospital party last summer, she admitted when she was drunk that she thought Bushy Brows was hot in spandex? She kept glubbering that she wished he would ask her out like a normal person ‘cause he was “real, kind, determined, and not hung up on a ramen addict like a pretentious emo”. Honestly, I think she just needs to get her head out of her ass and tell him she likes him herself, instead of waiting for him to do it how she wants.”

Iruka blinked in surprise, before laughing. “That sounds like Sakura. Did you hear about Shino, though? Last I heard, he’s apparently been head over heels for Ino since she stabbed Aoba in the thigh with a high heel for complaining that she spent too much time on her hair.”

“That was years ago!” Naruto exclaimed, eyes riveted to Iruka’s. “Betcha haven’t’ heard about why Genma’s always wearing that headband of his though…” Naruto drawled, and coyly fluttered her lashes at the Umino.

He slyly smiled back. “Naruto, I’m the _reason_ he has to wear that headband.”

Naruto broke into giggles. “No! Really!?”

The two continued to converse, laughing as they shared stories, things more comfortable and easy between them than they had been in years. It was different now- they had always trusted each other, but… for the past few years, things between them had always had an underlying tension despite how much they enjoyed spending time with each other. Naruto had been carefully toeing the line, hoping for something more but scared to lose her most precious friend. Iruka had just been straight up terrified, of both Naruto’s feelings and his own…

That tension was gone. And if there were lingering glances and shy smiles in its place, well… Iruka was done running. He had finally broken past his old image of Naruto- that she was just a kid with a crush. He had accepted the reality of what he felt for the Hokage-to-be… And now? Neither of them was about to deny themselves the happiness they had always found in each other.

“Is… that Naruto? Isn’t she supposed to be off confessing to the love of her life?” a dazed shinobi muttered, he, along with the Akimichi at his side, freezing in their race across the rooftops as they looked down upon the smiling duo. Other shinobi on the street also stopped in their movements, confusedly looking at the smiling pair that was dragging the comatose form of Inuzuka Kiba in the direction of the Sakura- no, not anymore… The _Slug_ gang’s territory.

Iruka and Naruto didn’t pay a lick of attention to the mutterings of the shinobi that parted around them, or the ruin of the streets. People in love tend to be pretty oblivious.

 

Xxx

 

Far off on top of the Hokage monument, Hatake Kakashi broke from his despair at the future paperwork to smile at the clouds, ignoring the approaching figures of two shinobi for the peaceful sky.

“Mah, paperwork and Minato’s stupid promise or not, at least that damn bet of Sarutobi’s is finally finished,” he mumbled.

In retrospect, Iruka and Naruto… it was obvious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *Starts coughing from laughing so hard, but continues to grin* So… Surprise? Huge kudos to the people that figured it out before this chapter- air high fives to you guys! This has been the end game since the start of the story. Kakashi was the ultimate red herring, but if you look back, a little bit of Iruka is in all the flashbacks. Helpful hint- all that blushing of Naruto’s? She’s always touching a certain hiate-ate when she does. The same one Iruka gave her…
> 
> Now that the surprise is finally revealed, I can also say where I got my inspiration from. Way back, when I was reading ‘Making Arrangements’, an awesome female Naruto fic, I thought to myself- Ah, Naruto is in love with her scarred sensei, who is older than her... Huh- coincidence. That could be about Iruka too, haha- wait. Waaiiittt… Oh holy crap that could be an awesome story and Kakashi would be a red herring woah woah WOAH!... I need to write this.
> 
> And here we are.
> 
> Though, I should probably make clear- there is still one obstacle left in the way of IruNaru truly setting sail… *Cough*Mob of crazy ninja shippers holding Naruto’s dream of being Hokage hostage*Cough*.


	12. Fallout and Flameout

“Tsunade-sama, reports say that though fighting in the shopping district is ongoing, the cult of ‘The Orange’ has been disbanded. Still no word from within the vegetable market… But the fires in the housing sector have finally stopped burning, though last I heard, they were planning some sort of ‘Trial of the Damned’…” The shinobi giving the report frowned, and nervously scratched at his freckled cheek. “Apparently, some Kusa genin and the Sarutobi brat were responsible for, ‘All of this’? I-I wasn’t too clear on the details… I’m sorry!”

Tsunade hummed, and waved away the brown-haired chuunin’s apology. “No worries, Takeshi- it’s going to be a shit show out there for a while, I don’t expect you to know everything. Just let me know when you find anything else out.”

Takeshi stared back at her with awe. “So kind… so merciful… Anko-sama is nothing compared to you!”

“Uh, sure… Actually, would you be able to tell me where Hatake Kakashi is? It’s of the utmost importance.”

The chuunin stiffened to attention, gaze unnaturally focused on Tsunade. “The Hokage is currently on top of the Hokage Monument- he was alone last time I saw him, and apparently cloud watching.”

Tsunade blinked. “Huh. Little bit of time left, then… Thank you for your help, Takeshi.” With an absent minded wave, the legendary sucker signalled for the chuunin to leave. After giving her a deep bow, Takeshi raced away, an enraptured smile planted on his face.

The Senju stared blankly after the chuunin’s retreating form. T and I shinobi were nuts…

“Shishou!” Tsunade pivoted at the sudden call, her old student striding into view. The pink-haired woman had traded her previous suit for hospital scrubs, and with her doctor’s coat on and hair up, she (thankfully) no longer looked like a mob boss. With purposeful strides and a determined expression, she pushed past the milling crowd congesting the hallway, which was packed now that they were dealing with the fallout of The Bet.

“Shishou, I heard from one of my patients that the fight in the shopping district broke out because Naruto had confessed- do you think she has? Is The Bet over?!”

Sakura came to a halt in front of the surprised Senju. Tsunade rubbed a hand against her chin, but otherwise didn’t seem worried. “Don’t worry, Sakura. I just heard from a messenger that Kakashi is alone on top of the monument- this Bet’s still alive and kicking.”

Sakura hummed, and together they made their way out of the hallway that was next to the emergency room. The situation was finally under control, and it looked like the two kunoichi could finally take a break, or at least start dealing with some of the many low-risk patients. They had just entered a crowded lobby that was filled to the brim with waiting patients when a sudden cry stopped them cold in their tracks.

“Hey, Baa-chan! We need your help!”

In a synchronized movement, every person in the vicinity jerked their heads in the direction of the obnoxious voice.

Striding through the main doors, an unlikely trio emerged, two of them supporting the third that was being drug between their arms. Other than the unconscious Kiba, Naruto and Iruka made quite a pair- the usually immaculate chuunin was wearing a blood-splattered jacket, and his brown hair, always so orderly, was lop-sided, his pony tail almost falling out. On the other hand, the orange obsessed blonde had none of her favourite colour in sight. Instead, she wore a lovely blue dress, and her face even held traces of makeup. She looked stunning, and almost appeared to glow with the force of her smile. Sakura had to rub at her eyes and do a double take.

Naruto’s smile took on a nervous edge, and she raised her free hand to scratch at the back of her head as everyone in the lobby stared with riveted eyes at her, and only her.

“Naruto, what the hell are you doing here!?” Sakura exclaimed. Naruto puffed out her cheeks in confusion, while Iruka, with a voice of long-suffering that only comes with those familiar to teaching, piped in.

“Sakura, this is a _hospital_ \- we’re here because Kiba here might have a concussion.” Naruto empathetically nodded to punctuate the chuunin’s words.

Disgruntled muttering broke out in the lobby, and a few shinobi stared at Naruto with petrified awe. Most though were content with simply watching and waiting to see what would happen next. A single jounin with a splinted leg withdrew a bag of popcorn from his knapsack, and quietly munched away.

Tsunade cut through the mutterings of the crowd, instantly silencing the lingering conversations as she spoke. “Naruto, I heard from someone that you have certain... _plans_ today.” Tsunade spun around and pointed at an uninjured, brown-haired civilian that was watching Naruto with unblinking eyes. “You!” she exclaimed.

“Me?!” the man asked, pointing in befuddlement to himself as he stared in confusion at the serious form of the ex-Hokage.

“Yes, you! Go help Iruka carry Kiba to an empty seat- Naruto has _more important_ things to do right now.”

The members of the lobby began to furiously nod their heads in agreement with Tsunade, and the previously confused man let out a quiet “Oh!” of understanding. After giving the Senju an exaggerated wink, he began to stroll across the lobby to the bemused forms of Iruka and Naruto (and Kiba, but he was in no position to be confused.)

“Uh, baa-chan, you’re old age must be getting to you- I don’t need this guy to help Kiba, me and ‘Ruka can do that ourselves.” Naruto’s nose wrinkled as she pursed her lips, and at her side the Umino seemed mildly amused. The blonde turned her head to share a look with the academy sensei, and they automatically smiled at each other, blushes decorating their cheeks.

Naruto turned her head away from Iruka’s to narrow her eyes at the approaching man. With a quiet squeak, the civilian backpedalled away from Naruto’s determined gaze, and slipped back into the crowd.

Anxious mutterings broke out, and Sakura shot Naruto an incredulous look. “Naruto, you don’t have time for this- you need to go confess to the love of your life!”

A few members of the crowd gasped.

“Is she allowed to do that? It feels like she’s breaking one of the rules of The Bet…” an injured previous member of ‘The Orange’ whispered.

“Naruto better go confess to Chouji, I need the cash!”

“Man, Naruto looks _super_ hot right now… maybe even better looking than Anko-sama!” A woman with a recently broken nose exclaimed.

Naruto was seemingly oblivious to the crowd’s mutterings, and narrowed her eyes at Sakura. The Uzumaki spoke slowly to the medic like she was an idiot of the highest degree. “Sakura, I don’t _need_ to leave the hospital to confess to the guy I’m in love with- I already did!”

Everyone in the room froze.

The Uzumaki continued on with a smile. “I even have a date planned! How do you like them apples, Haruno!”

Most of the crowd were too stunned to speak. The brown haired man that had attempted to help carry Kiba whispered to himself- “Holy shit, it’s _done_ … But who did she confess to!?”

Tsunade was unable to move or speak. Sakura, on the other hand, was violently shaking, and a deranged edge had entered her eyes. “N-no! You couldn’t have confessed! Kakashi’s alone on top of the Hokage monument, and you’ve been in love with him since you were twelve, and, and-”

Naruto wrinkled her nose. “Kakashi-sensei? I don’t like him like that at all! Besides, aren’t he and Tenzo together? Hell, I even asked Tenzo for relationship advice!”

The leader of the Slug Gang had finally found her voice. “T-then who?! Who in the world did you confess too, gaki?!” With bated breath, everyone in the lobby waited intently for Naruto’s answer, some of them mumbling predictions to themselves.

Ebizo muttered from the side, shifting the singed form of his comrade as he pondered.  “Maybe it’s Kiba, and he fainted after she told him…”

“It hasth to be Gaara, it _hasth_ to be…” Kankurou slurred, still feeling the effects from the poison he had been afflicted with earlier from Shizune’s senbon launcher. (How the hell he had managed to escape the hellish vegetable market, no one was quite sure.)

“Killer Bee, the soaring dove, is the only one, she could ever love…” a fervent Kumo-nin whispered.

The moment of truth dawned. After blinking in surprise at Sakura, Naruto turned to Iruka with a questioning look. The chuunin rolled his eyes, but gave a slight nod of his head, a small smile forming on his tanned face.

Naruto turned back to the waiting crowd and flashed her signature Uzumaki grin. “I confessed to Iruka, obviously!”

…Everyone froze, for a second time.

The Uzumaki grinned at the brown haired chuunin, who continued to shyly smile back. Taking a moment to readjust Kiba, they continued on their way through the lobby, oblivious to the catatonic forms of the crowd.

“As long as we reach one of the hospital rooms, I could probably do the basic first aid myself.” Iruka murmured quietly to Naruto. The blonde instantly perked to attention at the sound of his voice.

“You probably should, ‘Ruka, everyone else is acting wayyy too weird to be much help.” Naruto leaned over Kiba to peck Iruka on the corner of the mouth, and his face instantly went tomato red. “Luckily, _you’re_ here to help- you’re amazing!” Iruka stuttered out a humble protest, and Naruto continued to cheerfully grin. Together, they left the main entrance and continued on towards the hospital rooms.

In the lobby, the near comatose forms of 116 people returned to lucidity. Identical looks of sheer horror spread across their faces, and a bag of popcorn was dropped to the ground. Sakura began to twitch, her eyes wide and unseeing.

And then the screaming started.

 

Xxx

 

“You have been found guilty of many terrible crimes!” Hideyoshi exclaimed. He turned with raised arms to the torch and pitchfork wielding crowd, and pointed backwards at the bound forms of Konohamaru and Nana. “Impersonating Naruto, attempting to steal information on The Bet, and destroying a betting station? I say guilty!” The crowd down on the street howled their approval.

“This isn’t a fair trial!” Konohamaru protested, straining against the ropes that bound him. “We didn’t set the betting station on fire- you guys did that yourselves by lighting all the apartments around it up!”

Killing intent emanated from the crowd, and Aoba yanked on Konohamaru’s scarf, whipping the Sarutobi around to meet his deranged eyes. “Don’t you _dare_ try and weasel your way out of this. I’m glad I caught you before you reached another betting station- you probably would have destroyed that one too!”

Nana trembled beside Konohamaru, and the two huddled closer together under Aoba’s mad gaze.

The Nara continued to speak, heedless of Aoba words to their prisoners. “In accordance with justice, to the right the terrible wrongs committed, the punishment of this ‘Trial of the Damned’ shall be…” Hideyoshi paused, and his brow wrinkled in confusion. “Actually, what the hell can we use as punishment? The shinobi nations are at peace! Without consent from a kage, we can’t cause any shinobi life-threatening harm…” Anxious muttering broke out in the mob below, and suggestions were quickly fired up to the confused Nara.

“Blow up all their stuff for blowing up the station!”

“Force the Sarutobi into permanent woman form!”

“Blacklist them from The Bet!”

“Make them Anko’s minions!” At the final suggestion, everyone in the crowd paused in their ranting and turned to stare in disgust at the sheepish jounin that had offered the suggestion.

Hideyoshi pursed his lips. “ _That_ would be cruel and inhumane torture- we don’t want them _dead_. Alas, I know now what their punishment will be!” With bated breath, the mob waited, and the Nara declared the solution with a manic grin. “We will make them-”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Everyone in the shinobi housing sector froze at the sudden exclamation. The bawling form of Ebizo raced through the puzzled crowd, only to dramatically collapse at the edge of the stage that had been formed through an earth jutsu to hold the captured criminals. The tokubetsu-jounin raised his tear-streaked face to Hideyoshi.

“Sir, I was taking some of our wounded from here to the hospital- and I’ve learned the horrifying truth!”

Hideyoshi stiffened. “What truth?! What the hell happened at the hospital?!”

Ebizo whimpered. “Naruto arrived with an injured comrade, and said- said that she had confessed!” The man shifted so that he was leaning against the stage, then gave a heart wrenching  cry, and threw his head down into his crossed arms, his emotional anguish (and melodrama) too much to bear.

Countless gasps met the shivering man’s words, and as one the mob closed in around him, attention drawn away from Konohamaru and Nana. Aoba raced towards the collapsed tokubetsu-jounin, heaved him up by his vest, and vigorously began to shake him back and forth.

“WHO? Who did Naruto confess to!? Answer me, damnit!”

The glasses clad man slowly lifted his head, and though he whispered the answer, everyone heard his next words (they were all channelling chakra to their ears to make sure they did).

“ _Umino Iruka_.”

…WHAT.

Whereas the reactions of the hospital had been to freeze, then scream, the occupants of the shinobi housing sector were… slightly more explosive.

“Lies!” Aoba cried, dropping Ebizo to the ground as he threw his hands to clutch at his head. Around him, killing intent began to emanate again from the crowd.

“This is bullshit! That would never happen!”

“Naruto was supposed to confess to Kiba!”

“This has to be a genjutsu- we have to free ourselves from the illusion with fire!”

That final comment was well received by the crowd. As one, they lifted their flaming torches and let out an almighty cry as they raced away to ignite the few structures that had escaped the earlier flames. Hideyoshi was oblivious to the rage of those around him- he simply stared at his hands, looking absolutely lost. For the second time that day, the housing sector was set alight.

On the stage, a pile of empty ropes was set aflame by a drifting spark…

 

Xxx

 

Yamato cocked his head to the side, intently listening to the sound of distant explosions. He paused in his walk to the shinobi housing sector, and lifted his eyes to watch the reformed  pillars of smoke trail into the sky. He had only just started to make his way back from the training grounds because the fires had finally been put out, but apparently, that was no longer the case.

“Nuke-nin it is, then,” he mumbled. The mokuton user pivoted on his heel and strode away in the opposite direction.

 

Xxx

 

The darkness had swallowed _everything._

The Beast loomed in its midst, and drug a bloodied hand through its dishevelled hair, the tie that usually kept it in place long since gone. Narrowed eyes peered forward. Before today, The Beast wouldn’t have been able to see through the dark, but things had changed- _it_ had changed.

Absentmindedly, The Beast reached into the pocket of its jounin jacket as it planted its foot on the prone form of one of its many victims. With steady movements, it ignited the cigarette that it had drawn out, and idly gave it a few puffs. The smoke was calming, and the slight gleam of light from its end shone like a beacon in the dark. The dart’s shaky glow illuminated a piece of paper that drifted across The Beast’s field of few. With a lightning fast movement, it swiped the paper from the air.

The Beast purposefully began to stride away from the pile of its unconscious victims as it read the words upon the paper. Not a single one of its movements was wasteful, and there were no hesitation in its actions. Nothing about it could ever be described as lazy.

The Beast let out a light snort at the contents of the page that proclaimed the bet of a Kiri chuunin, before setting the sheet alight with its cigarette. The glow of the burning paper reflected against its eyes, and The Beast turned its attention to the only other conscious person in its dark domain.

The woman stared back with narrowed eyes, the momentary light allowing her to make out The Beast’s form. Her arms were indignantly crossed in front of her, and her right eyebrow was raised. Other than a light trail of dirt on her cheek, nothing about her appearance was out of place.

The Beast strolled toward her, and absentmindedly noted that the woman would no longer be able to see him clearly now that the paper had burned to ash. Only its cigarette would be visible, a single glowing spark in the darkness.

Yet her face held no fear as she gazed upon its shadowy form. It made sense to The Beast- she was a warrior goddess who felt no fear, could face death with a grin on her face, and an incredible woman who-

“Shikamaru, you’ve had enough time to work through your mental breakdown- it’s time to go. You need to clean all the blood off of you, and sort out all the shit you’ve caused here.” Temari drawled.

…could never stop nagging. Troublesome woman…

Temari lifted an unimpressed eyebrow at Shikamaru’s lack of response. “By this point, I’m sick and tired of this damn bet- I’m leaving, and I’m not going to come back till I’ve relaxed a little. I appreciate that you didn’t go psycho on me, and allowed my brother to leave, but it’s time to end this.”

Shikamaru let out a sigh, and replied in a gravelly voice. “Fine. I’ll meet you at the nearest town’s hot springs once I sort out the mess from The Bet’s fallout. Considering Naruto’s going to, or has already confessed to Iruka, there’s probably going to be absolute chaos.” The Suna-jounin’s eyes widened comically.

“Iruka?! Since when has she been in love with-”

The Nara interrupted the raving woman in front of him with a lightning fast kiss. With his newfound ability to see in the dark, Shikamaru was treated to lovely sight of Temari, blushing and speechless.

“I’ll tell you later how this all happened,” Shikamaru rumbled. He gently swung his arm around the stunned kunoichi’s shoulders, and guided her to the fringe of his territory. Together, they broke through the shadowy barrier and into the light.

Shikamaru closed his eyes against the harsh rays of the setting sun, but didn’t need sight to feel Temari lean over to gently peck him on the cheek. “I’ll see you later, Nara,” she purred.

Through squinted eyes, the Nara watched her sashay away, down the ruined street and out of sight. Shikamaru smirked to himself, and raised his cigarette to give it another puff, before dropping it to the ground and crushing it under his heel. He strode away from the cloying darkness, its penetrating black slowly fading away as he, the source of the darkness, left it behind. Trails of black vapour slid continually off of his form, but Shikamaru pressed on, determination in every stride, narrowed calculation in his eyes.

Soon, he would restore peace to the village… or snap again in the process. The tightly coiled muscles of The Beast readied for action.

_This_ is what you get when a Nara isn’t lazy.

 

Xxx

 

“Hinata-sama, Naruto has finally confessed!” Hinata, who had been in the process of stuffing her face with cinnamon buns, froze. At her side, her sister Hanabi fervently gestured across her neck for the Hyuuga messenger to _shut the fuck up_ , but the damage was already done. Hinata lifted crinkled eyes to the trembling branch member before her, an overly happy smile on her face.

“Who, Teru-kun? Who has Naruto confessed to?” Teru darted his eyes to Hanabi’s terrified form, and audibly swallowed as he turned back to the ominous expression on his clan leader’s face.

“Uh, from the direct words of Uzumaki herself, she confessed to… Umino Iruka.” For a moment, everyone in the main Hyuuga sitting room was quiet. Other clan members, who had been anxiously listening in on the conversation from the sides of the room at various tables, waited tensely for Hinata’s reaction. Finally, the Hyuuga leader broke from her frozen stupor.

“…Iruka, you say? It was my old academy sensei that stole her from me?” Hinata’s smile took on a demented edge. “Always taking her out for ramen… I should have known it would be that _slimy bastard_ from the start.” Teru froze at Hinata’s sudden swear- she was never this crude!

The Hyuuga boss snapped her fingers. “Yes Hinata-sama?” two branch members immediately asked, quickly darting in front of Teru to take a knee before the serene faced woman.

“Ah, it’s quite a shame… I liked Iruka! Kenta, Raiku, would you please assemble the clan for battle? Make sure that we enlist the help of any other shinobi we can. _We have a ship to set on fire.”_ The two branch members immediately hurried away to carry out her orders. Hinata rose smoothly from her chair, and with elegant steps made her way to the exit of the room. She cocked her head behind her at the frozen members of her clan, many of which were still seated in their chairs. A clan elder was comically frozen in place, cinnamon bun raised to his mouth mid-bite.

“Well? What are you waiting for?” Hinata cheerfully asked. “We have a _woman stealing bastard_ to destroy.” Hinata pivoted on her heel, gracefully exiting the room. With shaky steps, the remaining Hyuuga trailed after her, discarding their dress robes as they went, readying for battle.

Only Hanabi remained in the sitting room. She watched with wide eyes as her previously distraught sister went out, clan in tow, to unleash fury upon the man that had stolen her one true love. It had taken the shipping apocalypse, but it had happened. The once kind, gentle, and angelic Hyuuga Hinata… had gone _psycho._

Hanabi shivered, and stared down at her untouched dessert. _Iruka was a goner…_

 

Xxx

 

Far away in Suna, its citizens no longer could be bothered to care about The Bet- they had a much bigger problem on their hands…

“Away with you, foul demon!” Gaara screamed, sweeping the lunging Naruto back through its portal with a torrent of sand. Beside him, one of the few remaining seal ‘masters’ of Suna threw a hastily scrawled seal inscribed on a kunai through the black hole that gaped above the hospital. As the kunai slipped through, the portal warped in on itself, swirling into non-existence.

Any triumph that may have been felt upon that victory was short lived as Gaara turned to confront another enemy- there always seemed to be another, especially with those damn kage-bunshin! Dozens of other portals still lingered throughout his village.

A passing orange figure wearing a ridiculous mask raced by. “Woo! This is the best vacation I’ve had in years!” Gaara didn’t share the invaders enthusiasm, as a particularly large BOOM! echoed down the street from the direction the masked shinobi had come. Orange mist spread outwards, cloaking the street in neon darkness.

“Awesome prank! But make sure to use some ramen next time- like this!” At those words, another invader that was perched on a nearby roof unleashed a sea of ramen from a storage scroll he had pulled from the confines of his orange jacket, crashing towards Sunagakure like a raging tsunami.

The Kazekage’s eyebrow twitched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was mostly a filler chapter (terrible, I know), but the next one will have the dreaded mob- the mob that Kiba himself was worried would kill him if Naruto had confessed to him… Iruka and Naruto are in for a reality check, because there is still a last obstacle in the way of their love.


	13. Naruto's Greatest Dream

Iruka lifted his green tinged hands from Kiba’s head, and turned to smile at the anxious form of Naruto crouched beside him. “Kiba’s going to be fine- he’ll have quite the headache when he wakes up, but there should be no lasting damage.”

Naruto beamed at Iruka, and lightly slugged him on the shoulder. “Obviously- he had you here to help him!” After Naruto’s exclamation, neither of them spoke, each quietly observing each other. Finally, Naruto’s lips quirked upwards and she broke the silence. “Iruka,” she whispered, “would you like to go on that date?”

Iruka was motionless under Naruto’s gaze, but after a moment a sheepish look took over his features. “I really wasn’t planning on this happening, and I can’t even think of anywhere to take you off the top of my head- are you sure you still want to have it today?”

“That’s okay-” Naruto said with a beaming grin, “I just want to spend time with you!” Naruto gently leaned into Iruka’s side, her blonde hair sweeping in front of her face to shield her nervous expression from Iruka’s gaze. “For our first date… would you like to go, uh, watch the sunset from the Hokage Monument? It’s kinda cheesy, but- um…”

Iruka slyly grinned at the flustered blonde, and carefully laid his arm across her shoulders as he guided her to the exit of the hospital room. “Naruto, isn’t that the same kind of first date that Hiro and Rei had? You’re quite the romantic…”

Naruto nearly tripped over her feet. She pulled Iruka to a halt beside her. “You- you read it?!” Naruto widened her eyes at the smug man pressed against her side. “But- you gave it back, I thought…”

Iruka snorted. “Of course I read it- once you read Icha Icha, you’re a fan for life. Besides- it was written beautifully.” Iruka’s quiet praise towards the surprised blonde faded into a slightly haunted expression. “Once I read the ending though, and realized… well, that was a _bit much_ for me to handle at the time.”

Naruto furiously blushed, and huddled into Iruka’s side. They had just turned the corner of the hallway, and had almost reached the back exit.

“But, uh, Naruto…” The Uzumaki muffled out a questioning noise, face firmly pressed into Iruka’s grubby jacket. “Icha Icha Sensei Sensei has a bit more… _raunchy_ of a first date then I’ll be comfortable having for a while…”

The Uzumaki groaned, and Iruka laughed, raising his hand from Naruto’s bare shoulder to ruffle her fluff of blonde hair. Gently, Iruka began to ask her about her writing, and what she planned on publishing next. Naruto slowly withdrew from her shell as she shared her future plans with him, a quiet harmony restored between them. Iruka’s arm stayed around her shoulders.

As he listened to the excited blonde at his side, Iruka found himself musing upon the Hokage Monument that they would have their first date at. The same rock face that would hopefully one day hold Naruto’s visage, completing the dream she had had even before he had come into her life.

His lips quirked down into a small frown.

A quick glance towards Naruto returned the smile to his face, but it now had a melancholy edge. _Naruto’s greatest dream…_

Together, they left the hospital, and breached the cool air of the summer evening.

 

Xxx

 

Kiba woke for the third time that day in an unknown location. Once was happenstance, twice was a coincidence, but three times was a pattern! Was Kiba prime kidnapping material or something? This was getting ridiculous!

With a hiss of pain, he lifted himself from the tangle of blankets, pressing his hand to his head in an attempt to alleviate the pressure building behind his eyes.  With a narrowed gaze, he looked around the room. _Why the hell would his newest kidnapper take him to the hospital?_

And then it all came rushing back. Naruto and… _and_ …

Kiba’s face smoothed into an unreadable mask, other than his left eye, which began to nearly imperceptibly twitch. His hands clenched onto the sheets pooling around his legs, and with frigid movements he stared out the window situated to his left. During times of reality crisis, it was only nature that was sure to remain consistent, after all. And what a beautiful distraction nature made- the sun hanged low, painting the sky a brilliant orange.

…No, not all the orange was from the sun- some of it was from… Kiba shakily stumbled to his feet, and plastered himself to the glass of his window. Down below, crowding the streets as it meandered its way along the roads, was a mob bearing hundreds of burning torches. Kiba anxiously followed the flow of their travel, like a snake sliding its way too its prey…

Towards the Hokage monument.

 

Xxx

 

Hyuuga Hinata smiled serenely, and turned to face the throng of people behind her. “Today, we seek justice! Today, we seek retribution!” The crowd howled its approval, and guided by the many Hyuuga pressing it on, made its way through the streets.

Hinata swivelled her head to lock her eyes upon the monument that looked over the village. Scouts had spotted _that man_ making his way to its rocky slope, with his arm around Hinata’s angel. The audacity of it made her blood _boil._

“Today,” Hinata whispered, “we seek _revenge_.” Behind her, the combined forces of the hospital, shinobi housing sector, and shopping district cheered, all ready to confront, and possibly dismember, the man that had ruined The Bet.

…Holy shit, shippers are _psychotic_. Someone needed to stop them- where the hell was the Hokage?!

 

Xxx

 

Kakashi was gazing morosely up at the clouds, ignoring the stunned duo at his side.

Next to the grey-haired man, Ino stared incredulously down below at the mass of people migrating closer to the Hokage Monument. At her side, Shino was tense, his eyes riveted to the looming madness. Ino clenched the hand she held in her own, offering a show of comfort to the distraught Aburame.

The unlikely duo had arrived a short time ago, but other than a cordial greeting to Kakashi (who was lying on his back and indulging in a pastime enjoyed by many Nara), they hadn’t said a word. The severity of the situation had dawned as evening arrived. The Bet was finished. And apparently, so was Konoha.

“The paperwork nightmare that I’m going to have to face…” Kakashi mumbled. Ino spared a glance in his direction, and was surprised at the sheer amount of despair that the Hokage was capable of emanating. “That damn bet of Sarutobi’s has turned into a _monster._ ”

Shino reached his free hand up to fiddle with his glasses, before awkwardly dropping it once he realized that his glasses were no longer on his face (having been crushed under Ino’s heel earlier that day during his pursuit of her). He lightly coughed, claiming Ino’s and Kakashi’s attention.

“We must do something. Why?  Because you are right; this bet has gotten completely out of hand, and if we don’t, paperwork will be the _least_ of our problems.

Ino hummed, and stared up at Shino with a disgruntled expression. “Shino, it’s us three against an enraged mob that just lost the world’s greatest bet- what the hell can we do!?”

The Aburame hunched his shoulders, but didn’t respond. After a moment, Ino sighed and rested her head against his shoulder, offering a small piece of solidarity to the quiet man beside her.

Kakashi took a break from his self-pity to stand beside the duo, and looked down in confusion at the torch and pitchfork wielding mob that was slowly creeping closer and closer to the Monument. “…Why are they coming this way, though?” Kakashi muttered.

No answer was forthcoming. With dread, the three shinobi continued to watch the approaching second coming of the apocalypse.

Kakashi nervously turned his head towards the training grounds; maybe he could escape? But no, he had done enough running. As the Hokage, it was his responsibility to at least _attempt_ to halt the mob. Tenzo was always going on about ‘embracing his inner adult’, after all! Surely, if they handled this like adults, they could deal with the problem rationally and without violence. After all, it was only a little bet- they couldn’t stay pissed forever!

...Right?

Yeah, they were all screwed.

“…and then I plan to have Rei punch out that bitch Megumi, and kiss Hiro after the battle finally concludes!”

“You really didn’t like it when I dated Masami, did you?”

“Nope! Which is why Rei gets to punch her in the face- it’s very cathartic, y’know. Besides, it’s my sequel- I can do what I want!”

In a synchronized motion, Kakashi, Shino, and Ino slowly turned their heads towards the sounds of the approaching voices. Making their way up the path were two people, a man and a woman- Iruka and Naruto. The Umino’s arm was gently slung across the blonde’s bare shoulders, while the Uzumaki had partially tucked herself into his side. She stared down at her gestating hands as she talked, caught up in whatever she was describing. Iruka simply looked down at her, a small and surprised, though still happy, look on his face.

Ino not so subtly squealed, and flashed a beaming grin at the Aburame beside her. Shino, pushing past the severity of the situation, quirked his lips at the blonde- they were a few of the only people to have won The Bet, after all. They were the victors!

In her head, Ino quietly thanked her love of Icha Icha and obsessive reading of her edition of Icha Icha Sensei Sensei: Uncut. Without that gift from Naruto so long ago, and that subtle clue- that she had written one of her novel’s to catch her love interests attention- she may never have figured it out. Granted, with the second crisis of the day looming, she didn’t have much time to celebrate. Ino broke from her thoughts, and with a serious expression, refocused her attention to the walking disaster heading their way.

The Uzumaki continued to speak, heedless of her audience. “Besides, it’s _about time_ I made a sequel. I didn’t for a long time because it… It was painful to pretend we were together. But now, there’s _nothing_ holding me back.”

Iruka and Naruto were too caught up in their conversation to notice their audience, so Ino let out a light cough to capture her fellow blonde’s attention. The enraptured duo jumped slightly, and finally met the eyes of the slightly nervous shinobi before them.

Naruto’s face broke into a wild grin. “Ino! Just the girl I wanted to see- I need to thank you for that pep talk. You were absolutely right!” Naruto didn’t’ give Ino time to reply, and instead continued speaking, this time to Kakashi. “And Kakashi-sensei, you and Kiba apparently gave Iruka the ‘get your head out of your ass’ speech- thanks for that!”

Shino awkwardly shifted in place as Ino and Kakahsi stuttered out quiet ‘you’re welcome’s.  Iruka just watched the entire ordeal in exasperated amusement.

The Uzumaki cocked her head to the side. “Hey, why are you guys all up here, anyways?”

“…Well, Shino and I were just enjoying recently winning a little wager, while Kakashi here was just escaping away from Konoha’s insanity for a bit,” Ino replied with a slightly twitching smile.  “Speaking of, you know what you two should do now that you’ve finally gotten together? Get out Konoha for a bit, go see some sights! I heard there’s some pretty nice hot springs the next town over, you should _definitely_ check them out.” Kakashi and Shino, at first confused, caught onto Ino’s plan and furiously nodded their heads to punctuate her words. Each of the three shinobi stared at the new couple with beseeching eyes.

Naruto wrinkled her brow and pursed her lips. “What are you going on about? Me and Iruka wanna watch the sunset. If anyone should skedaddle out of here, it should be you guys!” Naruto leaned away from Iruka and closer to Ino, eyes wide and demanding. “Kunoichi solidarity Ino…” The Uzumaki narrowed her eyes in a clear threat- ‘Don’t third wheel my first date with the love of my life, or _else_ ’.

Ino audibly gulped, and her eyes involuntarily twitched to the approaching glow down below. By now, the faint smell of smoke had caught the breeze. If that mob got here, and saw Iruka…

Iruka squinted his eyes, and took a step closer to the three shinobi, gently pulling Naruto back to his side with an unconscious move of protection. “You’re all acting rather suspicious… What are you hiding.” Iruka didn’t phrase it like a question, but the demand was clear. He was even unleashing his ‘disapproving academy-sensei powers’ to the max.

The three victims of the onslaught flinched beneath Iruka’s hard gaze, but valiantly held their ground.

“Naruto, you guys should go have your first date at that fancy sushi place near my apartment!” Ino exclaimed.

“Mah, mah, Iruka-sensei, do you really want to have your first date match the one in Icha Icha Sensei Sensei?”

Shino just quietly glowered at the couple- Aburame’s were good at that.

Naruto puffed out her cheeks. “No! You guys are acting really weird- now that I think about it, everyone at the hospital was acting weird, too. What the hell is going on, dattebayo?!” Iruka and Naruto narrowed their eyes at the same time, pinning the now frantic three shinobi in place.

At first the victims of the gazes of doom didn’t respond, but finally Kakashi caved in under the combined force of the ‘angry sensei’ and ‘pissed off Uzumaki’ looks. With a defeated sigh, he opened his mouth to speak- but was interrupted before he could.

“There he is! There’s the bastard that ruined _everything_!”

“I lost thousands because of you!”

“Death to IruNaru!”

As one, the occupants upon the Hokage Monument turned their heads to the enraged mob that had snuck up behind them while they were distracted (even when shipping crazed, the crowd was still stealthy- they _were_ _ninja_ , for crying out loud.) 

At the head of the mob, Hyuuga Hinata smiled serenely.

“Time to die, Iruka-sensei!” she happily exclaimed.

Naruto squinted her eyes at the crowd while Ino internally despaired- nearly all of Konoha had managed to sneak up on them. How the hell had they managed that!?

A quick scope of the mob revealed a variety of shinobi raised above the crowd, hands aloft as they performed some unknown jutsu- probably a sound cancelling one of the wind variety. From the corner of her eye, Ino saw Naruto shift closer to Iruka’s side. Around them, the crowd split, slowly circling around their trapped group, with the exception of the side headed by the cliff of the monument.

Striding in front of the mob was Hyuuga Hinata, as Ino had never seen her before. This was not the shy girl she knew from the academy, or the strong, kind kunoichi she had fought alongside in the fourth shinobi war. This was the clan heiress of one of Konoha’s noble clans- one that had just lost the love of her life.

…That twitching eye and creepy smile of Hinata’s were really freaking Ino out. Who knew the once shy girl could be so scary!?

“Uzumaki Naruto!” Hinata called out, silencing the cries of the crowd- by now they knew the drill. When the leader makes their speech, you shut up. The shipper hierarchy was pretty strict like that. “Step away from _this man_ \- you are the saviour of the world, the Hokage to be! Please, see that you have been misguided. _This man,_ almost ten years older than you, your old _sensei_ \- has led you astray through his devious ways.” Hinata’s eyes took on a misty quality, and the crowd behind and around her echoed the sad sentiment and their despair for Naruto with their pleading eyes.

“ _This man_ can never hope to be worthy of you- he never should _be_ worthy of you! Naruto, as your future citizens, we ask you to leave Umino Iruka- otherwise, we will be _forced_ to take _extreme measures_ to ensure your wellbeing. We cannot accept that any leader of ours would be with such a disgusting man!”

“No Hokage of ours will be led astray like this!” someone masked by the masses confidently added on.

Ino frantically looked through the crowd for a friendly face, but all she was met with was stony resolve. From the mob she was able to recognize some of her friends- Tenten, Sakura- and even that bastard Aoba that had criticized her hair!

The Yamanaka opened her mouth to defend her blonde friend, but found she couldn’t force herself to speak. In the face of this shipping crazed entity of evil, Ino was powerless. Her confrontation against Anko, and later ‘The Orange’, seemed easy by comparison. The crowd before her slowly began to press in, closing for the kill.

It was one of the most intimidating situations Ino had ever been in, and the mob’s ire wasn’t even directed at her. Within its midst, disgusted faces, fervent muttering, and rolling killing intent formed into an adversary unlike any other.

What must it be like, to be confronted with so much hate? To have the moment of your triumph overshadowed by others’ anger? Ino wondered, and knew how she herself would feel. Any happiness she had had would have been swept away, and reality would have made a harsh arrival.

How could you be happy when surrounded by so much hate?

Ino clenched Shino’s hand in hers. She turned her head towards Naruto, who was under the pressure of the mob’s gaze, and who in addition was having her greatest dream, being Hokage, held _hostage._ The blonde must be horrified!

…The Uzumaki’s brow was wrinkled, and she was looking at the mob like it was an incomprehendable mind puzzle. She didn’t seem overly worried, and was still tucked into Iruka’s side.

The Umino himself had frozen under the crowd’s perusal. Slowly however, his composure thawed, only to be replaced by a look of quiet acceptance. He peered into the looming crowd, carefully taking in their collective anger, then looked back down at Naruto. Something flashed across his face- regret? Love? Resignation? With a gentle pull of his arm and a step to the side, he moved away from Naruto.

The blonde froze, before turning to face Iruka. The crowd abated in their slow prowl, expressions of glee forming on their faces. Hinata triumphantly smirked at the hunched form of her old academy sensei.

Naruto’s face was blank, a mask she hadn’t worn in years resurfacing in an instant.

“Why?” Naruto whispered. Iruka shifted under her gaze, but didn’t respond. Around the duo, the audience waited with bated breath. Kakashi closed his eyes, and turned away.

Iruka slowly lifted his head, before smiling a quiet, pained smile at the blonde.

“Naruto. What do you think is going to happen? If we stay together?"

“…We’ll- we’ll be happy- I know we will!” Naruto exclaimed. “It might take a while, but someday, were gonna get married- as long as you want to, of course! And then… You’re gonna keep being an academy sensei, cause you said you didn’t want to retire until you’re grandkids had graduated… _our_ grandkids. I’ll be Hokage, and, and-”

Iruka smiled ruefully. “Naruto. Look around you.” The blonde slowly lifted her head. Around her, the enraged eyes of almost her entire village and more stared back.

“These are the people you want to lead… But to be Hokage, you need their unconditional support- which you should have earned ten times over!” Iruka hurriedly assured. “But… None of them want you and me to be… Well. They made their position on the matter quite clear. And… Kami Naruto, I’ve just been kidding myself- they’re _right_. I’m your old sensei- even if you can see past that, it doesn’t change the facts! All I’ll ever be is a sick, sick lecher who lured the most amazing, beautiful, and kind person in the world to their demise… And I can’t- I can’t _do_ that to you.”

Naruto and Iruka’s gazes were locked. Though he had pointed out their presence just a moment ago, neither of them paid a lick of attention to the crowd around them. Naruto’s eyes were panicked.

“But- but I love you, and- and this is what I’ve wanted since I even learned what love _was_. I don’t care what anyone else thinks- you’re Umino Iruka; you hate liars, but you _love_ to gossip. You pulled your first prank when you were eight, and never looked back. You wanted to be an academy sensei so you could look out for kids- because even though you’re a hard ass sometimes, you care about every single one of your students. You were the first person to accept me- not because I was the Yondaime’s kid, or because I bled for you- you just… Accepted me for me, the orange screw up always screaming to the world she was going to be Hokage, and didn’t know when to quit. You’re not some lecher like these idiots think you are!” Naruto imbedded every piece of her willpower in her next words as her eyes began to mist. “ _Please_ , Iruka- don’t do this! I love you! When I achieve my dream and become Hokage, this isn’t gonna matter, and-”

“Your dream.” Iruka whispered. Naruto paused, and with the beginnings of tears forming in her eyes, stared beseechingly at Iruka. “You’re dream has always been to be Hokage… But with me in the picture, thanks to that _damn bet_ … It won’t become a reality.” Iruka’s eyes misted with the force of his emotion, but his voice became hard and un-malleable. “I’m sorry, Naruto- but I care about you too much to make you give up your greatest dream for me.” Iruka humourlessly laughed, the broken sound echoing on top of the silent Monument.

“People do stupid things when they’re in love… But I’m not stupid enough to ruin your bright, bright future just so that I can foolishly cling, with these filthy hands, to you. You’re worth more than settling for some old sensei that turned you away for so long… Goodbye, Naruto.”

Iruka turned away from the love of his life, and with hunched shoulders, walked towards the edge of the Hokage Monument. The crowd watched the Umino depart with expressions of glee, but a few of its members had turned their attention to Naruto. Their previously euphoric expressions faded as they took in the blankness of her face.

Naruto sightlessly stared at the edge of the cliff, hands clenching her blue dress, make-upped face blank and emotionless. Iruka had always clung to his image of her as the orange kid focused on becoming Hokage. She had managed to make him see her as a grown woman… But now her old dream was the greatest wall between them.

The orange of the sunset illuminated Naruto- the lone woman on top of the world.

Slowly dying- piece by little piece.

After a prolonged moment, the crowd began to mutter amongst themselves.

“…It’s gotta be GaaNaru now! I’ll be rich, and-”

“Idiot! She’s obviously meant for Kiba, they always go to Kaiza’s pet wonderland together-”

“KakaNaru all the way! He may be older and her old sensei, but it’s not the same as it was with Iruka. These two are actually meant for each other!”

The crowd continued to grow in volume, the blissful Hinata its serene figurehead. The Hyuuga heiress was lost to imaginations of her future with her love, sure that with Iruka out of the way, they would inevitably be together. But within the crowds midst, not all was well.

Tenten trembled slightly on the outskirts of the crowd. _She had hurt yet_ another _friend today…_

Aoba’s left thigh twitched, his old injury incurred so long ago from a blondes wrath acting up. With solemn eyes, he watched the frozen form of Naruto.

Lee, who had pushed his way into the crowd, was staring with despondent eyes at the lack of life and Youth around him.

Sakura stared down at her white knuckled fists, heedless of the slightly smug Tsunade beside her.

Those closest to the Uzumaki- Ino, Shino, and Kakashi- wore identical distraught expressions. Ino reached out her hand towards Naruto’s frozen form, but let it drop. Slowly, she turned away from her friend. Kakashi inhaled through his nose. With slow strides, he carefully made his way closer to the blonde. It was time for him to finally end this farce, and be the Hokage that his village needed him to be.

Naruto interrupted him before he could.

“… _This is bullshit_ …” she whispered. Kakashi froze. Around them, the mob didn’t pay attention to the true danger; many had even started to carelessly depart, now that their duty was done.

They should have known better.

“THIS. IS. **BULLSHIT!”** Naruto exclaimed. A demonic aura exploded from her tense form, and she slowly lifted her head. Carefully, Naruto pivoted in a place, turning blood red eyes upon the entire crowd. Silence instantly descended as the most horrific killing intent that any of them had felt since the fourth shinobi war five years ago surrounded them.

“YOU’RE ALL FUCKING HIPOCRITES! YOU PRETEND YOU’RE MY COMRADES, MY _FRIENDS_ , BUT WHEN THE BEST THING IN MY LIFE HAPPENS, YOU SPIT ON IT! YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF SELF-OBSESSED ASSHOLES, AND I WISH I NEVER HAVE TO BE HOKAGE, IF IT MEANS LEADING PEOPLE LIKE _YOU_.” Naruto’s chest heaved with the force of her rant. Her stunned audience couldn’t scrounge of the courage to reply.

Naruto continued in a quieter voice, still laced with poisonous anger. “… I love Umino Iruka- but that damn bet of the old man’s ruined _everything_. _”_

No one spoke, frozen under Naruto’s hard gaze. Until someone clearly incapable of reading the mood spoke up from within the crowd.

“…Wait a second, how did you find out about The Bet? Did someone break the rules!?” A distraught Kiri chuunin exclaimed, going to show that even idiots can be promoted.

Naruto turned frigid yet incredulous eyes upon the moronic chuunin. “I’ve known about the _stupid bet_ since the _chuunin exams._ The old man wasn’t subtle at all- ‘How do feel about young Sasuke, Naruto?’, ‘Why don’t you go train some more with your team, Naruto’, ‘When do you think you’ll confess you’re undying love to Sas- I mean, any particular shinobi, Naruto?’” The Uzumaki snorted. “Not subtle at _all.”_ Naruto’s eyes soon lost the small amount of mirth that had formed, and she continued her next words in a stony, unyielding voice.

“I was gonna tell people I knew about it eventually- it was supposed to be one of my greatest pranks… But I would have squashed this cockroach of a bet from the minute I learned about it if I knew it would be the reason Iruka left. And you hypocrites! One of the damn rules of that bet was not to interfere with contenders- you should all be banned from it! Now, Iruka is never going to accept me, because you’ve put in his head that he’s unworthy, that he’ll hold me back. But let me tell you something- _I’m_ the only one that gets to decide what I feel! Not the old man, not some bet, and _definitely_ not any of _you.”_

Naruto laughed hollowly. “My greatest dream is _ruined._ I hope you’re all happy now.”

The crowd anxiously shifted as they took in Naruto’s broken form, many of them overcome with guilt. Naruto slowly crumpled in upon herself; she looked much like she had earlier that day, so long ago with Ino in the dress shop. Glassy eyes stared sightlessly down at her feet.

Uzumaki Naruto was the image of defeat.

…But she wouldn’t be for long if Haruno Sakura had anything to say about it! With determined eyes, the pink-haired kunoichi pushed through the crowd to stand confidently in front of her old teammate. A sly grin slid onto Sakura’s face.

“…Go.” Sakura whispered. Naruto broke from her stupor to turn dead-eyes up at the pink-haired woman.

“Go?...”

The Haruno smiled. “Go confess to the love of your life, you idiot!” The crowd, which had mostly been broken from its shipping craze after Naruto’s furious speech, took up the call, swamping the stunned Uzumaki with support.

“Go, gaki! Before it’s too late!” Tsunade cried.

“Please Hokage-sama, you deserve this! Don’t give up!” Ebizo commanded.

Various pleas and cheers descended upon the stunned blonde. Naruto lifted up her head, and slowly turned as she took in the support from so many of her village. The dreaded hold of The Bet had been broken. The people before Naruto knew her. And more than their love of money, gambling, or chaos… They wanted their saviour to be happy.

Just like Ino had gotten through to Naruto, and Kakashi to Iruka, Naruto’s words had reached them.

She was their future Hokage. And they would support her to the end.

A trembling smile returned to Naruto’s face, and, after dragging the back of her hand across her eyes to wipe away the tears that had formed, she pumped her fist to the sky.

“I’m gonna tell the love of my life that he’s my greatest dream- believe it!” With a quick turn, Naruto raced for the edge of the monument, aided by chakra as she made her way down and after Iruka. Many of the monument’s occupants had satisfied smiles on their faces, and others cheered their approval, finally freed from their shipping mania thanks to the mystical powers of a classic Naruto speech.

Rock Lee, in particular, was enthused by the turn of events.

“Sakura!” He called. The woman in question turned to face the direction of his voice as he pushed his way the crowd, heedless as he knocked over those in his path.

“Lee? What are you-” Sakura froze as Lee finally came into view.  His beloved, signature jumpsuit was singed, but that wasn’t what had captured her attention. Neither was it is lack of eyebrows, or the gleam of his bald head. What ensnared Sakura instead was the gentle smile that overwhelmed his face.

She blushed under its force.

“Sakura! Naruto’s Actions Have Inspired Me To See The Truth! You Truly Are A Youthful Woman! Pushing Past The Bet to Help Your Friend- I See Now What I Have Always Known, But Never Truly Confronted Because I Was Too Scared!”

“And- and what is that?” Sakura asked in a rush. She jerkily tucked a piece of hair behind her hair, while the shinobi around her snickered and watched the show.

Lee beamed. “That You Are A Worthy Adversary!”

Sakura froze. “Adversary…?”

“YES! I Respect Your Strength, And I Challenge You To A Spar!”

Sakura blinked dazedly. Kakashi sidled up behind her and gave her a nudge with his elbow. “Mah, mah, Sakura, Tora got your tongue? Or maybe the fact that your crush has finally stopped asking you out when you actually want him to-” A fist suddenly whipped back in Kakashi’s direction, but he had already shunshin’ed away. Sakura turned back to the waiting Lee with a beet red face.

“F- fine! I accept! One week from now, training ground 27!”

Lee beamed, and extended a thumbs up. “It’s a date!”

Those who witnessed Sakura in the following moments claim that her face turned even redder, and that she actually _squeaked._ They weren’t lying.

Romance was in the air, the masses had been saved from psycho-murder tendencies, and all was well.

A few of the diehard shippers, however, were not so easily swayed.

“No…” HInata whispered, finally having recovered from the shock of Naruto’s departure. “NO! I refuse to accept this! If you agree with me, help me in taking care of Iruka- permanently!” A large portion of the mob broke ranks to follow the Hyuuga heiress as she made her way to the edge, nearly all of them the well-rested Hyuuga clansmen that were still in prime fighting condition, having been sequestered in their compound for most of the day.

Naruto’s supporters pressed back against Hinata’s force, angry exclamations that would soon lead to angry brawls breaking out. Before the situation could worsen, an ominous presence approached.

“ _Stop.”_ Nara Shikamaru commanded. Upon the arrival of the Nara, everyone froze. On top of his crazed appearance, the sheer presence he exuded was terrifying . Loose black hair fell to Shikamaru’s shoulders, emphasized by the aura of darkness emanating from him. It was his eyes, demonic in their blankness and inhumanity that really struck the fear of God into the surrounding shinobi, though.

Black tendrils of darkness peeled away from his form to swallow the few dissenters that attempted to attack him. The mob parted like the red sea around the intimidating Nara as he made his way towards the enraged form of Hinata.

“NO! I won’t let you stop me, Shikamaru! You won’t get in-between me and my love, and-” whatever words Hinata had been about to say were swallowed by the descending darkness. The Beast (for he could be nothing else) turned black pits masquerading as eyes upon the few remaining defiants. They immediately paled and cast their gazes downwards.

“…This entire day has been the _worst drag_ in the history of Konoha.” Shikamaru rumbled. “The Bet has driven you all insane, and because of it, you almost ruined the life of your saviour. On top of that, you _pissed me off_. So right now, you are all going to wait here while Naruto sorts out her shit with Iruka-sensei, and then you’re going to clean up the village.” Shikamaru narrowed his eyes. “Any objections?”

The same moronic Kiri-chuunin from before piped in, apparently incapable of feeling fear. “What about The Bet? No one’s going to win anything! Will we get reimbursed, or-”

“Shut. _Up_.”

The chuunin shut up.

“…There were a few winners of The Bet. They will simply have a larger payout than expected.” Shikamaru, finally finished his piece, raised a hand to surround the mob in darkness, silencing the problem of the shipping crazed morons. No one would intrude upon Naruto and Iruka now…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next two chapters will probably be 'flashbacks', to finally give insight into how Naruto fell in love with Iruka (and how he fell in love with her- though that occurred after she turned eighteen, so no underage business here.) After that, a wrap up chapter, and MAYBE an epilogue and omake chapter. The end is in sight!


	14. Retrospect: Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The writing tense for this chapter and part two (which will be coming within a few days) is purposely different. Together, they give a look from Naruto's and Iruka's perspective how things truly began, and developed. As a heads up, this chapter won't focus on being funny, like the rest of the story, though hopefully it still has some humorous and good bits : )

When Kakashi said it all began the day of the genin assignments, he meant it as the beginning of _his_ predicament; the imminent breaking of his oath to Minato, who had demanded, after finding out Kushina would give birth to a little girl, that Kakashi ‘better protect my angel from the old lechers that will try and seduce her! Keep Naruto from caving for any older men!’…

Which was a promise Kakashi couldn’t keep. Naruto, after all, had a crush the size of the Hokage monument on a man Minato would have frothed at the mouth at. And that crush had grown into a pure and real love, the likes of which made Kakashi feel guilty whenever he even thought about stopping Naruto from caring for the man of her dreams.

No, the _real_ beginning of the story was much, _much_ earlier…

 

Xxx 

 

It all starts with a little girl on a swing. She’s cute, with her chubby cheeks and poof of short blonde hair, and if she was anyone else adults would probably coo over her, give her the hugs and love she’s always _craved._

But Naruto’s not anyone else. So she sits alone.

Naruto stares blankly out onto the playground. It’s a happy place, just outside the academy that she’s been going to school to for the past year and a half. Kids race around, play ninja, mess around on the jungle gym, or even just stare up at the clouds. Regardless of what they are doing, they don’t do it near the blonde. There is an invisible wall around her, pressing away the peers that laugh and smile (but _never_ at her.)

When Naruto started going to school here when she was six, she thought things might be different-be  _better_. But the children are almost worse than the adults that will never look her in the eye. Sometimes, they _do_ talk to her, and for a time, she thinks, ‘ _this is it’_. But they always leave, once their parents drag them away. It hurts so much more, when that intangible _hope_ is within her grasp, only to be so abruptly wrenched away.

Deep within Naruto, something takes root within her where childish happiness and warmth should go.

She is alone, and so, so _cold_.

Blue eyes narrow at the dirt as her trailing foot that lacks a shoe scuffs the grass. She’s frowning, and her nose is crinkled up like she’s about to sneeze. On top of that, her eyes feel funny, like they did that time she mistimed a prank and had a pepper bomb explode in her face.

Naruto wants to smile, but for the first time in her life, she can’t find the strength to force herself to.

Pranks have always been her fall back when these feelings start to creep towards her, like the one she pulled today in the academy sensei’s break room after her sensei for her second year class refused to answer any of her questions. They make people look at her, yell at her, and if she squints her eyes enough she can pretend that their faces aren’t angry, but amused.

But pranks don’t make the feeling in her chest go away.

Naruto wants to be happy. She wants to smile and have it be _real_. But more than anything else, she wants someone to smile at her- smile _because_ of her.

Uzumaki Naruto is dying piece by little piece, and _no one_ gives a damn.

…Until someone does.

“Hey, it’s almost dark! What are you still doing out here? You might catch a cold!”

Glassy eyes whip towards the teenager that stands in front of her with his arms indignantly crossed in front of his chest. He’s vaguely familiar, and Naruto recognizes him as one of the assistant academy instructors for the older years. He’s never really caught her attention before- he’s average height, average build, and his eyes and hair are brown as dirt. The only noteworthy thing she’s ever bothered to notice about him is the scar slicing across his nose, and that it makes him look kinda cool, maybe even rugged.

His face, still streaked with orange from the paint bomb she set off earlier in the teacher’s break room, is scrunched up in a frown, and Naruto realizes that she’s just been staring at him. Her cheeks redden as he impatiently waits for an answer.

“…Didn’t think it was a _crime_ to swing. Guess I’ll just go somewhere else- somewhere without paint splattered weirdos like _you_.” Naruto puts on the mask she _always_ wears, and makes her face twist up at the chuunin like he’s one of the little-green-tree-thingies that they tried to tell her to eat in the nutrition seminar (gross!). She jumps off the swing, and turns to stomp away, but-

GRRR.

-Her stomach growls. Naruto comically freezes in her tracks, like she’s been caught in the act of the greatest robbery. Behind her, she hears a muffled choke. Which then breaks into _laughter._

“Oh, Kami! Ha- that was a pretty impressive exit there- you _almost_ seemed tough.” The chuunin is still snickering, and in any other situation Naruto would have made a break for it, but; _he laughed._ She turns around and simply stares at him- she doesn’t notice that her mask has dropped. For once, there’s not sadness beneath it. Instead, she’s surprised- and feeling a tiny bit of hope she can never seem to crush…

The scarred teenager is smiling slightly, and he shakes his head. “You’re one of the students here, in second year, aren’t you?” Naruto forces herself to nod. “Thought so. Look, I’m actually out here to pick up some of the kunai used in another class’s exercises- if you help me pick them up, I’ll buy you some supper. How’s that sound?”

Naruto’s not an idiot- picking up some dumb kunai for food is a no-brainer.

And so Naruto finds herself picking up kunai when she would usually be drowning her woes by planning pranks. As she dumps the weaponry scattered throughout the academy training ground into the growing pile, the chuunin, whose name is apparently Iruka, _talks_ to her.

“So, are you liking the academy?” “What were you doing out here anyways? And without shoes!” “Have you ever had ramen before? It’s pretty good.” “CAREFUL with those kunai- you might cut yourself!”

Naruto finds herself dazedly answering his questions- “The academy’s boring, they never teach _any_ cool ninja stuff, dattebayo!” “I was swinging. DUH. Don’t need shoes for that…” “…No? Isn’t that the noodly stuff?”

The Uzumaki doesn’t know how to respond to his worry about how she’s been carrying the kunai, which she had just been loading up into her jacket and hauling over, pile at a time. It’s… nice. The talking, the caring… But it’s suspicious. Why the hell is he talking to her like she’s just some normal acquaintance when no one else ever does?

Eventually, after what seems like forever- “It was only twenty minutes!” - “No, that took forever- ya better buy me lots of that ramen stuff!”- they make their way to the food stand.

Naruto finds herself joking with him- he may be almost ten years older than her, but he’s not grouchy and mean like the other adults she knows. He apparently knew it was her that pulled the prank today, but he’s not acting angry… Instead, he tells her how Kama-sensei got _all_ the pink paint in her hair from the timed paint bomb next to the water cooler, which is hilarious because that bat is always harping about her ‘feminine kunoichi beauty.’

Naruto finds herself laughing, and Iruka is smiling when he tells her that about six years back, ‘someone’ rigged all the coffee machines with laxatives and all the students got a free day because the teachers were in _no_ condition to teach. Naruto is still snickering when they finally reach the ramen stand. It’s called ‘Ichiraku’s’, and the cook _smiles_ at her. This entire day feels like a dream…

Naruto wonders when she’s going to ‘wake up’. She always does.

Iruka orders some Miso ramen for Naruto, ‘cause she has no clue what she wants. They’re not really talking anymore, yet the quiet between them… feels nice. But it’s still bugging her- _why is he doing this?_

So Naruto charges in like she always does. “Why the hell are you doing this?” Her face is scrunched up like she just ate a whole lemon, and Iruka comically freezes under her heavy stare before he lets out a nervous laugh. He anxiously rubs the back of his neck.

“Doing what?” he asks, and darts his eyes away from hers like _they_ always do. Naruto feels the cold return.

“Why’re you talking to me? Why’re you taking me out for supper? Is this some kind of, of pity party?! Oh no, some kid is alone on a swing, I _guess_ I’ll talk to her… Is that what this is, dattebayo?!”

Iruka flinches, and ducks his head.  After a moment, he seems to… swell up, with some newfound confidence, and suddenly he’s looking _right at her_.

He’s lightly tracing the grain of the counter with an idle hand when he finally responds. “No. This isn’t a ‘pity party’. It’s… well, it’s because a long time ago, I wa- I _knew_ this kid. He was pretty lonely, and no one ever seemed to pay attention to him. He always had this _smile_ on his face, and he was always pulling the craziest of pranks. But before long, the pranks stopped being funny. They took on a… malicious edge.” Iruka stares at his hand, which has stopped in its movements, and lets out a sigh before turning to look Naruto directly in the eyes again.

“Naruto, you remind me of him. You’re prank today was funny, especially what happened to Kama.” The chuunin quirks a small smile, and Naruto finds herself automatically sending one back. His smile slides away into a light frown as he continues. “But… you put high-grade itching powder in some of the paint bombs. Masami-sensei, she’s _really_ allergic to the stuff- luckily, that particular bomb missed her, but if it hadn’t… well, you might have actually _hurt_ someone.”

Both of them are silent and still as stone. Iruka is still staring at her, with this look Naruto can’t read (she’s not used to people paying her this much attention), and the blonde finds herself shrinking into her coat and turning her eyes away from his piercing brown ones. Something in Naruto’s stomach squirms, and it feels like she just drank a litre of bad milk. It feels _awful_. But what’s even worse is Iruka’s silence.

_Finally_ , he speaks again. “…Naruto, I wanted to see what kind of person you were. Because I know with m- with _that boy_ , it wasn’t that he was bad. He was just… lonely, and wanted people to notice him, to acknowledge him.” Iruka’s eyes are distant for a moment, but he quickly pulls himself back to the present, and focuses intently on the blonde before him.

“Naruto, you’re not a bad person. You may be a bit of a brat-”

“Hey!”

“But you seem like you really want to be a great shinobi, and you love pulling pranks- you’re pretty good at them, too!” Naruto, still red in the face from her earlier indignation, perks up her head, and slowly meets Iruka’s eyes. He’s not frowning anymore. No; he’s _smiling_ _at her._

“So, Uzumaki Naruto, I guess I’m talking to you because… I’m acknowledging you. And I wanted to say… You’re important.” Naruto’s jaw drops, and Iruka reddens under her heavy gaze. “Be-because I think you should know that you are, no matter what everyone else says. Hell, I wish someone would have told me th- _the boy_ that sooner, and, uh…”

Iruka is anxiously fidgeting in his chair. Naruto is slack-jawed and probably looks like a complete _moron_ , but she can’t find it in herself to say anything back. This has _never_ happened to her before…

“Order’s ready!”

Iruka and Naruto jump, and spin back to the counter just in time to catch the amused smile the cook shoots at them. With a mumbled “Thanks,” Iruka grabs the bowls and cracks open two pairs of chopsticks, putting a pair in each of the bowls.

Naruto’s previous stupor was broken with the cook’s surprise arrival, but she can’t choke out more than a quiet “Thanks, dattebayo,” when Iruka hands her her bowl.

Iruka quirks a small smile at the flustered Uzumaki. “Hope you like it!”

With slightly trembling hands, Naruto picks up her chopsticks, and scoops up a hefty portion of noodles. The Uzumaki charges in, takes a bite…

…And promptly spits it out.

“HOTHOTHOT!” Naruto exclaims, and with frenzied hands reaches for her cup of water that has gone untouched till now. She guzzles it back, and some of the water ends up dribbling down her chin, but she can’t bring herself to care- she almost _died!_

Iruka breaks out in laughter. “Oh Kami, Naruto, take it slow! Man, you really are something…”

Naruto’s face reddens, and she quickly drags the heel of her hand across her chin to catch the trailing water. “Y-you bet I am! I’m awesome, dattebayo- and someday, I’m gonna be Hokage!”

Iruka smiles, and reaches out a hand towards Naruto. The blonde finds herself flinching, but it’s not a slap or a pinch like she had been expecting. He just ruffles her hair, and shoots her a grin that makes her stomach do weird little flips. It doesn’t hurt like it did earlier though. No, it just feels… _warm._

Something in Naruto unwinds. And for the first time in her life that she can remember, she smiles, content and happy, with someone smiling back at her.

For the rest of the evening, Iruka and Naruto continue to talk. The cook, whose name is Teuchi, keeps the ramen coming, and Naruto never wants this supper to end. They keep trading funny stories, and Iruka even gives her some tips for her pranks- he vehemently denies that he’s a prankster, but Naruto’s not an _idiot._ She knows that the boy he was talking about was him.

They have more in common than just the pranks, though. Neither of them can stand liars, or people that snoop into their private lives. Despite this, they both secretly admit to hoarding information- blackmail is prime material for any prankster!

As they talk, they continue to eat. The ramen is too salty, and once the noodles are gone, it’s just spicy broth.

It’s the best food Naruto has ever eaten.

With Iruka sitting next to her, and willing to give her the chance to be his friend, the oblivion, the cold and empty feeling that always seems to linger inside of her- it’s suddenly history.

Right now, all that matters is the present she shares with him.

 

Xxx

 

And so it begins.

 

Xxx

 

Iruka thinks Uzumaki Naruto has been dealt a bad hand in life.

She’s nice, and _very_ funny, once you get past the bluster that she’s always putting up and the lingering feelings of hate that come with her being the jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi. He noticed her before she pulled the prank in the break room- it’s hard to ignore her, despite how hard people try to, because she’s so _loud_. Before he talked to her though, she was just the ‘Orange Menace’, a distant figure to hate. But now that he knows her, and is maybe even her _friend_ , he has to say…

She’s an annoying brat.

“Come on, teach me some ninja stuff! Or come help me with my taijutsu, ‘cause Izumi-sensei never teaches me _anything_. Or, or we could do pranking stuff!”

…So very, very annoying. But Iruka wouldn’t want her any other way. Naruto is an enthusiastic bundle of orange, and things are never boring around her. Just the other day when she cornered him to take her out for ramen, they ended up getting chased by a pack of ninja-geese, which ended with them somehow finding out about a secret chicken smuggling ring that gets Iruka a B-rank pay stub. It defies all logic, but that’s just the normal when you hang around Uzumaki Naruto.

As Iruka comes to know her better, he also learns about the soft side she vehemently denies exists. Naruto has a secret adoration for small, fluffy animals, though she also goes against the norm when Iruka learns that she loves _toads_ , too.

Naruto is also more than she seems; she loves gardening, and treats her plants like her own children. On top of that, Iruka once caught her writing out some _stories_ , and she admitted that someday she’d like to be a writer, though as a secondary hobby to being Hokage. The stories that she writes make something twist within him- they all have a piece of the loneliness she feels imbedded in the pages, and despite the quality of the writing (she is just eight, after all), the emotion is still profound, opening scars Iruka was sure he had sealed long ago.

The more he learns about Naruto, the more Iruka finds himself smiling at her, caring about her, _worrying_ for her. So when she puts on the bluster, and acts wildly to get his attention, Iruka goes along with it. She’s not one of his students, but he finds himself teaching her all sorts of things. Naruto soaks it all up like a sponge, and seems to glow with every piece of attention he gives her.

Things between them are comfortable and… feel like home. Almost three years after their first meeting, Iruka finds that, despite their age difference, she has become one of his closest friends.

And then suddenly, things _change_.

The academy is set up in three segments that are each two years long, and students generally attend from the ages of six to twelve. Naruto was halfway through her second year of the first segment when they became friends, and Iruka had still been an assistant teacher for the fifth and sixth years of the third segment.

In Naruto’s fifth year, he finally receives his teaching license… and becomes her sensei.

Iruka finds he can no longer treat her like he once did- as her sensei, he can’t show favouritism in class, and it’s strange for a teacher and student to be as close as they are. Slowly, Iruka tries to distance himself into the position of her authority figure, while the blonde frantically tries to reclaim their previous status quo.

Outside of class, she manages to hold onto a semblance of their former relationship- Iruka still helps her with her taijutsu and trapping skills, and she always finds a way to wheedle some ramen out of him. In the safety of Ichiraku’s, Iruka’s guard drops, and during those little moments, things are almost like they once were.

But in class, he is once again her sensei, and only that. Naruto begins to act out, desperate to hold more attention than her fellow students. She pranks him almost every day, and Iruka finds that it’s almost like a game between them.  While they are in the school, Naruto will work to catch him off guard, make him be her _friend_ again, and Iruka will fervently attempt to hold his position as her teacher.

Despite Naruto’s struggles, the new bond between them sticks, and Iruka is no longer her friend- he’s her sensei.

Sometimes, he’s sees her shooting him these looks when she thinks he can’t see her (which is stupid- she wears bright orange, and he’s a master prankster- he _always_ notices her). Sometimes, it’s just her sticking her tongue out at him, or giving him hurt looks edged with pain. But sometimes, her eyes, which are always so, so _blue_ , hold this… _longing_. Those looks make Iruka afraid- for himself or Naruto, he doesn’t know. What’s going to happen when Naruto isn’t a little kid anymore?

He keeps these thoughts to himself, buried beneath mountains of denial.

Eventually, the day of the academy graduation tests come. And with it, the beginning of Iruka’s _true_ problem.

 

Xxx

 

Naruto doesn’t know what to _do_ anymore. Pulling pranks all the time to get Iruka’s attention affects her marks, and she knows she won’t do well on any of the written exams. She tried to pass twice before- some feeble hope that if she wasn’t his student, things would go back to way they _used_ to be. But Iruka keeps drifting away. It’s not a sudden wrench, like it was with the other kids so long ago. This is almost worse, because Naruto can feel him slipping away from her, piece by little piece.

“Naruto, you fail!”

…And suddenly, it all comes crashing down.

“B-but Iruka, I did good on lots of the other tests- who _cares_ about some stupid bunshin?!”

Iruka’s eyes are narrowed and unforgiving- he even has the gall to look _disappointed_ , even though he’s the one failing her.

“That’s Iruka- _sensei_ to you. And it’s not just the bunshin- Mizuki graded your written exam earlier. The low marks you received on it, added to your poor weapons handling and ninjutsu scores, set you below the passing grade.” Iruka’s eyes flicker with some unreadable emotion, and Naruto finds herself, for the first time in her life, _hating_ him.

Mizuki fidgets beside him, and a smile like oil slides greasily onto his face. “Iruka, I’m sure some sort of exception could be made- Naruto had the best traps scores in the class, and her taijutsu was above average! I’m sure we could let this _slide by_ , just this once.”

Iruka shutters in on himself, and stares coldly at Mizuki. “No. Naruto failed. To say otherwise would be _favouritism_.”

Naruto eyes begin to itch, but she ignores them. “Please, Iruka!” she whispers, “You know how much this means to me!”

Iruka is still as stone, but eventually he responds in a hushed whisper. “I’m sorry, Naruto. You failed.”

Iruka won’t look her in the eyes when she stares at him, betrayed and hurt like never before. Naruto feels something inside of her twist, and she looks down at her feet. With dragging steps, she leaves the examination room without a hiate-ate… And without the only friendship she’s ever had.

Later, she swings on the swing- the same one Iruka first talked to her at so long ago. With distant eyes, she watches the other students hug their parents, celebrate their passes, and leave the academy.

When she sees the other kids with the parents she wishes she could have, Naruto usually pastes on a grin while she waits for Iruka. But Iruka’s not going to come, is he? He doesn’t care about her, the ‘demon brat’ (whatever _that_ means- everyone seems to call her it when they think she can’t hear). He wouldn’t look her in the eye, just like _them_. For the first time in her life, Naruto doesn’t want to smile. She never wants to smile ever again (because every time she smiles, she going to think of the first person who ever smiled at her, and how he was _just like the rest of them_ ).

“Ah, Naruto, I’m sorry about what happened- Iruka can be pretty strict sometimes, haha…”

Naruto slightly lifts her head to look at Mizuki with dead eyes. Naruto hadn’t heard him approach, but here he is, standing in front of her swing where _he_ stood so long ago. Mizuki nervously chuckles, rubbing the back of his head. “I know you really wanted to pass, and because, unlike Iruka, _I_ think you’re a good ninja, I figured I could tell you… the _secret_ …”

Naruto perks up her head completely. “What secret, dattebayo?” she asks suspiciously.

Mizuki grins. “The secret test to become a genin.”

The silver-haired assistant teacher has always felt… _off_ to Naruto. Iruka yells, and gets embarrassed, but Mizuki never does. He’s just… always _smiling_. But Iruka is an ass that betrayed her trust, so Naruto doesn’t feel too bad about smiling at Mizuki.

“What’s the test, dattebayo?”

Naruto is going to become a genin, whether Iruka likes it or not.

 

Xxx

 

…But things never go as planned when Naruto is involved.

“You’re the Kyuubi!” Mizuki exclaims, and Naruto finds herself clutching at the scroll in her hands, petrified in the face of the silver-haired man’s manic grin. Mizuki sweeps his arms outwards, and continues speaking with a dramatic flourish.

“You’re the one that killed the fourth Hokage, along with all those people… And _you’re_ the reason Iruka has no parents- that’s why Iruka hates you, why _everyone_ hates you!”

Naruto tries to speak, but nothing comes out. Mizuki is saying something else, but it all fades into white noise. Naruto’s eyes are frozen to Iruka’s tense form, whose brown eyes are wide and panicked. He’s yelling at Mizuki, but Naruto doesn’t hear what he’s saying either. Instead, her head spins round and round, swallowed by a single lingering mantra.

_Iruka hates you Iruka hates you IrukahatesyouIrukahatesyouIrukahates-_

“NARUTO!” And suddenly, Iruka is in front of her, protectively falling over her, the wet THUD! of the fuuma shuriken stabbing into his back echoing throughout the clearing. His eyes are squinted with pain, and his entire body spasms, but Iruka still manages to weakly grin at her.

“I know how you feel, Naruto- you feel lonely, and it hurts inside… I let you down. I’ve been ignoring you, trying so hard not to play favourites, but all I did in the end was push you away. No one should have to feel alone like that.”

Naruto’s eyes are wide, and Iruka is close and so _warm._ He’s here, he’s protecting her, even though-

“Hah!” Mizuki interrupts. “He’d say anything to get the scroll from you! How could Iruka ever care about what a monster like you feels?!”

-even though Naruto is a monster- a monster that _killed his parents_.

_Iruka hates me Iruka hates me Irukahatesme-_

Naruto runs away before Iruka can say he hates her himself. It would kill her to hear those awful words from his own mouth.

After a frantic race through the forest, Naruto finds herself circling back against her will, some primal _need_ tugging her. Stumbling to a halt behind an ancient oak, Naruto achingly holds her breath, back to the bark as she listens intently to the men fighting behind her.

“We both know Naruto’s just like me!” Mizuki crows. “She’s a beast, and she only cares about herself! The nine tail fox is a monster- Naruto was always going to abandon you. It was in her nature!”

“…You’re right. The nine tailed fox is like that.” Iruka whispers. Naruto freezes, and something inside her _cracks,_ fragmenting into millions of little pieces. Burning cold leaks through her veins, and she is dimly aware that she has bit clean through her lip. The taste of iron in her mouth is distant to the numbness in her mind. _Iruka hates me-_

_“_ But Naruto is nothing like that!” Iruka suddenly cries, his voice a cooling balm to the red hot cold that’s seeping into her.

“She loves to garden, and the rain. She likes orange because it reminds her of the sunset, and pranking because she loves it when people laugh, and because she wants human connection. She wants to be a writer, because inside her she has a story that needs to be told. She works harder than anyone, and even though more often than not, she fails… she never stops trying! Because she’s not the nine-tails- she’s Uzumaki Naruto, my friend!”

Mizuki laughs, the slick sound breaking Naruto from her wide-eyed surprise. “Ha! Who cares what you think- despite how much you care for her, she still abandoned you... And now, you’re mine! Die, Iruka!”

The next moment blurs, and Naruto is distantly aware that she’s racing to her feet, driven with unholy rage that leaks around her, painting her vision red. “If you lay a hand on Iruka, I’ll kill you!” she yells. Naruto’s hands fall into the hand sign she’s been religiously practicing all night. “Taiju Kage Bunshin!”

Everything around her _explodes_ with orange.

Before Naruto, the pummelled form of Mizuki lies unconscious. Light sparks of wrath still leak through her, but within that tempered rage is a bone deep satisfaction, the pride that comes with protecting her most important person.

Naruto tenses, finally breaking through the battle haze. _Iruka_ … She turns carefully in place. _What is he going to say? Will he hate her?..._   Even if he does, Naruto won’t blame him.

When Naruto meets Iruka’s eyes, she’s expecting hate, or even just apathy, but… Iruka’s _smiling_ at her.

“Naruto, come here a minute,” he whispers. With shaky steps, Naruto carefully makes her way over to his seated form. Iruka is still smiling softly at her, like she’s not a demon, like she’s- like she’s-

“Close your eyes.” Naruto immediately closes her eyes. The blonde is hyper aware of Iruka’s every movement, the tender removing of her goggles, and then him… putting his hiate-ate on her?! No, that can’t be right, Iruka said only ninja can wear them, and she failed her exam-

“Open your eyes.” When Naruto’s eyes flutter open, the first thing she sees is warm brown. This close, Iruka’s eyelashes are longer than she had ever realized, and his tanned face, though weathered, is smoothed by kindness. His chapped lips are spread into a wide grin, and his eyes are crinkled, little crow’s feet appearing that send Naruto’s stomach whooshing with some weird, but still good, feeling.

There’s no hiate-ate on Iruka’s head.

Iruka sheepishly lifts a hand to scratch at the scar across his nose, nervous under Naruto’s unblinking gaze. “Obviously, you earned your graduation right now, but I want you to know that even if you hadn’t learned the Kage Bunshin, or beaten Mizuki, you still would have passed. Something felt off about your graduation- so I re-graded your written exam.” Iruka’s eyes narrow. “Mizuki botched your results- you didn’t do fantastic, but you still passed. You _earned_ this hiate-ate, Naruto... Congratulations.” Iruka’s eyes are warm again, and staring right at Naruto.

As tears form at the corners of her eyes and her mouth twists into a soppy smile, Naruto crumples into herself and throws herself forward to crush Iruka in a powerful hug. For a single, glorious moment, the smell of leather, sweat, and pine fills her nose, Iruka’s body a steady comfort as she presses her face into his vest.

“OW!”

“SHIT! Sorry, your back, I forgot!”

Naruto blushes as she sits in front of the wincing academy sensei. Iruka manages to shoot her a forgiving grin, and Naruto feels the weight on her shoulders lighten. But she needs to know…

“Did you mean it?” Naruto whispers. “Are we friends now?” For a moment, Iruka is quiet, but then his face slides into exasperated amusement, and he gently reaches out a hand to ruffle her short blonde hair.

“Naruto, we’ve _always_ been friends- even if you tend to clean out my wallet every time I take you out for ramen.” Iruka happily laughs, and something in Naruto’s chest pounds. Her heart feels like it’s going to explode out of her chest, and the constant thumping is making her stomach feel tight, but she’s so _happy_. Her cheeks are warm, and in this moment, the cold is a distant memory.

Iruka says something about going out for ramen, and Naruto quickly agrees, latching onto his arm as she helps him stand. Carefully, she leans closer into his side, the warmth emanating from him a solid comfort.

Later at Ichiraku’s, Naruto finds the status quo is finally back. Iruka sputters that he’s still her sensei, and Naruto absentmindedly agrees to finally call him as such (even though she’s not his student anymore- _what a weirdo_ , she thinks fondly). Iruka makes a big speech about how she should respect her next sensei a lot more to make up for all the pranks she’s pulled on him over the years. Naruto jibes back at him, saying he earned it because of his pranking days, but Iruka is adamant. He manages to weasel a promise out of her to give her sensei a chance- because he may acknowledge her, and even like her pranks!

Naruto doesn’t really care about any of that, though. She gently raises a hand to touch her new hiate-ate, and her cheeks go warm as she fills with euphoric happiness. All that matters is that Iruka is here beside her, once again her friend. He accepts her despite the beast within her. He risked his life to save her own. But most important of all…

Ramen never tastes as good as it does when he’s beside her.


	15. Retrospect: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, we're almost done! One more standard chapter, an epilogue, and an omake chapter are left. If you have any ideas for omakes, feel free to shoot them my way. No guarantees that they will be written, but then again, who knows!

Naruto waits with her team for her new sensei.

An eraser falls (a test in disguise), but her new sensei thinks she’s got ‘spunk’. The grey-haired man seems like a bit of a weirdo, but Iruka-sensei (man, it’s weird to call him that!) is right, like always. Other people will acknowledge her, too- and like her pranks! But, even with his cool ninja powers, this Kakashi guy doesn’t hold a candle to Iruka, who is a badass that can pull off the most awesome of pranks, and still be a pillar of support in her turbulent life.

Iruka is the best sensei ever…

 

Xxx

 

Kakashi gives them ‘The Bell Test’ (Naruto can _feel_ the capital letters), which reveals that Naruto is apparently awesome at teamwork. Hell, her and Sakura kind of got along for once! This day is going pretty good.

The best part is when Kakashi says she earned her headband. The headband given to her…

…Wait, what do you mean she’s blushing like a tomato?! She was just thinking about Iruka!

 

Xxx

 

Naruto’s kind of worried about her team, what with the Teme being on it and all, so she asks Iruka for advice.

“Oi, Iruka-”

“Iruka-sensei!”

“Yeah, yeah, ‘sensei’- I was… wondering if you could tell me about _your_ genin team. Cause, uh…”

“I get it, Naruto… Actually, I’ll show you my genin team- I’ve got a picture of us at my apartment!”

Later in his apartment, (which is freakishly clean, but so like Iruka. It’s pretty cute of him to keep everything so organized, and rub his scar like that when Naruto compliments the excellent way he’s been caring of the plants she has given him over the years. Wait… Cute!?), Iruka points out the picture of his team as he makes them some tea. Naruto carefully picks it up, absentmindedly noticing the orange book that the frame had rested on upon the shelf. Iruka looks so young…

Iruka is going on about the time his team ‘accidently’ set Tora the demon cat on fire, and how it built the true and permanent bonds of comradeship between them, when Naruto realizes where she’s seen the book on his shelf before.

“HOLY SHIT, IRUKA! YOU READ PORN?!”

For the first time in Naruto’s life, she hears Iruka swear. It’s _glorious._

(“Porn is important you know- the sure-fire way to man’s heart!” Kakashi had exclaimed. Naruto carefully stores this information away. She’s a prankster- it pays to hoard Intel of any kind.)

 

Xxx

 

The Mission to Wave is kind of sucking, what with that dick Gato being a tyrant and all, but at least Naruto gets to meet such a nice and pretty girl while she’s practicing her tree climbing.

“Do you have anyone important to you? A precious person?”

Naruto beams. “I do! His name is Iruka- he’s incredible, and smart, and super funny. He cares about me a lot, and we always eat ramen together. Whenever I’m around him, I feel all warm and fuzzy- it’s the best feeling ever, even if it sometimes makes my stomach feel like it’s doing loops. He accepts me for me, and he even saved my life! He’s _definitely_ my most precious person.” Naruto happily beams at the amused girl in front of her.

Haku demurely raises a hand to hide her smile, but it doesn’t stop Naruto from seeing her eyes crinkle at the corners. “Naruto, he’s obviously your precious person, but it also sounds like you’re in _love_ with him.”

Naruto freezes.

The pretty girl giggles, before picking up her basket and making her way for the edge of the clearing. She calls back over her shoulder to Naruto’s stunned form- “Good luck with your precious person- love is a wonderful thing! And by the way… I’m actually a boy!”

…What. The. Fuck.

Naruto gives up. Nothing makes sense, because- because she’s not in love with Iruka! He’s older than her, by, like, ten years! Sure, he’s amazing, and kind, and funny, and has a super amazing laugh, along with an incredible smile that sometimes goes sly when he does a prank, and sure he’s good looking, especially with that scar, and-

…Okay, so she _may_ be in love with him.

Later, Kakashi drops by with some weird old people advice, which is, well, kind of vaguely helpful? What it does do is remind her that old people know lots of stuff- the old man will know if she’s in love! She’ll ask him once she gets back from this mission…

 

Xxx

 

To take her mind off Haku and Zabuza and how unfair it all is, Naruto puts together a prank upon her return from Wave. Stupid vegetables deserve to be swamped with chickens, hehe… And holy crap, the Teme actually laughed!

The pranks purpose was twofold, though- she needed a quick way to get into the Hokage’s office, and the old man never failed to bring her in to berate her for her pranks before, during her academy days. If she had just charged into his office, there would have also been eavesdroppers. But whenever she pulled pranks when she was younger, the old man liked to give personal lectures- _without_ an audience.

What can she say- she’s a genius!

“Ah, Naruto, I thought you and Iruka had taken care of that chicken smuggling ring, but instead it continued to thrive… And now you’re using those same illegal chickens in pranks-”

“Old-man, I don’t have time to talk about chickens!” Naruto interrupts. “I’ve got some _adult_ questions for you!”

The old man freezes. He lightly coughs, before leaning forward in his chair, absolutely focused. “…Ah, Naruto… What brought this on?”

Naruto awkwardly shifts. “Well, during the Wave Mission, there was that Haku guy, right?” The Sandaime nods.  “Anyways, we got talking about precious people, and when I was describing someone important to me, he asked if I was in love with them.” Naruto narrows her eyes, and slams her hands down on the paperwork covered desk as she leans in closer to the stunned man before her. “Old-man, how do you know if you’re in love?” Naruto tries to maintain eye-contact, but the Hokage has this really creepy look in his eyes, and there’s this weird smile forming on his face, like he just got told he would never have to do paperwork again.

Naruto looks away. The old-man is acting _super_ weird…

The Sandaime coughs, reclaiming his composure and Naruto’s attention. “Ah… well, sometimes love comes about because the person has, in the past, _saved you_ … Does that sound along the right lines?”

(Iruka, taking a fuuma shuriken to the back and hovering over Naruto, still managing to smile as he protects her from Mizuki)- Naruto shyly smiles. “Yeah… That does.”

The old-man grins. “Excellent! As for knowing if its love or not…” The Sandaime’s eyes go misty as he remembers some precious memory. “Before I met Biwako, I didn’t care for coffee,” he begins. “However, Biwako loved the stuff- took her coffee straight black, claimed she liked it darker that the night… Over time, we became good friends. But it only occurred to me that it might be something more when I realized that even the smell of coffee could make me smile, could brighten my day… All because it was a small detail that reminded me of her.”

The old-man is too lost in thought to pay attention to Naruto, who is staring with wide-eyes at the corner of the desk. She… she didn’t really like the taste of ramen as much as she pretended too. But because of its small connection to Iruka, she ate it every day, made it her favourite food, obsessed over it, loved it-

Naruto lets out a squeak and buries her head in her hands. The Hokage breaks from his musings to smile at her blushing form. “I see you have your answer… Ah, to be young and in love…”

Not waiting for a dismissal, Naruto races from the office, thoughts wild and face flaming red.

Back in his office, the Sandaime smiles. “I’m so happy she’s found love with young Sasuke! Hitomi, cancel all my meetings, and send word for Hatake Kakashi- it’s _very_ urgent.”

(The Hokage saw what he wanted to see. Much like he had been with Danzo, he was wilfully blind to the true situation.)

 

Xxx

 

Later that night in her apartment, Naruto comes to a surprisingly mature decision. She isn’t going to act on her feelings until she knows that she is old enough, probably sixteen at the earliest. Besides, she wants to focus on being the best kunoichi she can be- she isn’t some _fangirl._

To Naruto, the only thing that has really changed is that her imagination is running _wild._ The possibility, of her and Iruka…

Well. It’s certainly fuel for creative writing, _that’s_ for sure.

Someday, once she is Hokage, she will have hopefully achieved her greatest dream…

 

Xxx

 

“Iruka, am I glad to see you! That forest was crazy!”

Iruka blinks in befuddlement at the bedraggled team seven. Sakura and Sasuke look like death warmed over, and all of them are covered in scrapes and bruises, but Naruto has an ecstatic grin planted on her face despite this.

The pink-haired kunoichi leans forward, eyes pleading. “Iruka-sensei, were done this portion of the test, right?!”

The academy sensei beams at the three shinobi. “You bet! I’m proud of you three- you’re all doing great in your first chuunin exams!” Iruka gives a pointed thumbs up to Naruto, who seems blissful under his praise. She excitedly leaps forward, throwing her arms around him.

“You owe me ramen for doing so good!” She exclaims. Sasuke snorts, and after giving a cursory nod to his old sensei, pushes past the blonde and with a bit more body contact than should probably be necessary… Sakura merely shoots Iruka a shy grin before racing after her crush.

Naruto remains buried into Iruka’s side. Iruka nervously shifts, and lets out an awkward laugh.

“Uh, sure, Naruto… And you can let go now.” Naruto grumbles for a moment, and reluctantly withdraws. She shoots him a cheeky grin before grabbing his hand and pulling him after her waiting teammates.

“I’ve got so much to tell you Iruka! There was this big ass snake, and I had to punch it in the face! But then it swallowed me whole, so I had to get creative, and I blew it up from the inside! And then this cross dresser gave Sasuke a hicky, and-”

“WHAT!?”

 

Xxx

 

A ‘brown haired, brown-eyed woman’ waits in an empty cabbage stand, fidgeting slightly as the stall owner turns narrowed eyes upon her.

“Watcha doing just standing there? Are you gonna buy some cabbages or not?!”

The ‘woman’ _meep_ s under his stern gaze, cringing away from the combined force of her nerves and the stall owner’s creepy stare, but forces herself to calm down. After taking a deep breath, she turns confident ‘brown’ eyes towards the man surrounded by the cabbages.

“I would like to place a little… ‘bet’.”

The man shoots her a sleazy grin before pointing towards a door at the back of the stall. With shaky steps, she crosses the stand, and opens the door, revealing…

Shikamaru asleep at a desk?

For a moment, the ‘woman’ stands quietly in place, slightly dumb-struck at the sight of the Nara. However, the moment stretches to uncomfortable lengths and the impatience finally gets to her. “Oi! I’ve got a bet here!”

Shikamaru slowly lifts his head, eyes droopy and hair slightly askew. “Yeah, yeah, give me a minute,” the genin grumbles. With slow, lazy movements, Shikamaru slides a paper and pencil across the desk before once again burying his head in his arms.

The ‘woman’ lets out a shaky exhale, and puts down to paper the secret that will someday be her greatest prank.

Today though, it is simply confirmation of her future goal- the dream she cements into being with this single bet.

As the ‘brown haired, brown eyed woman’ leaves the back room, Shikamaru’s eyes narrow down at the writing on the bet she had just made. After letting out a light snort, the Nara once again goes back to sleep.

Troublesome Naruto…

 

Xxx

 

Iruka smiles sadly at the blonde. “This is it, then, isn’t it?”

The blonde’s eyes are slightly misty, but no tears fall from them. “Yeah…” Naruto whispers. “Ero-sennin said we wouldn’t be back for, like, three years…” Naruto scrunches up her face, and turns determined blue eyes to Iruka. “You’re not allowed to forget about me, dattebayo! When I get back, I’m gonna be a kickass kunoichi, and you’re gonna respect me! And- and take me out for ramen! ‘Cause, ‘cause we’ll always be friends, and you’re my most precious person-” Naruto chokes on her words, and finally overcome with emotion, throws herself into Iruka’s waiting arms.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Iruka says, gently raising a hand to ruffle the blonde’s hair. “Three years isn’t that long- and there’s no way I could ever forget about you, the orange kid always screaming that she’s going to be Hokage!” Iruka lightly laughs, but his cheerful exterior is cut through and silenced when Naruto turns determined blue eyes up at him.

“When I get back, you’re gonna see that I’m not a little kid anymore,” she whispers.

Iruka freezes.

Naruto beams up the brown-haired man, breaking the tension of the moment, and pulls herself away. “Good luck with your academy students- you better stay on your toes, or they’re gonna eat you alive!”

The Umino snorts, relaxing at Naruto’s once again exuberant tone. “Naruto, no one could ever be as much of a hellion as you were- I’ll be fine.”

Naruto opens her mouth to say something else, but is interrupted before she can. “Gaki, I’m not waiting all day!” Naruto whips around to the impatient form of Jiraiya, who is waiting outside of the village gates. With a final frantic hug to Iruka, Naruto races after her new, and in her eyes, only, sensei.

 

Xxx

 

“Ero-sennin, train me!”

“Brat! I’m working on my writing! Go do some push ups, or something!”

Naruto perks up her head. “Can I read it?”

Jiraiya snorts. “Like a semi-illiterate orange eye-sore like you would be able to fully appreciate my masterpiece…”

“I’m not semi-illiterate! I actually want to be a writer too!”

The grey-haired man lifts his head from his writing to narrow his eyes at Naruto, who is red faced and indignantly crossing her arms in front of him. “Mmm… Show me what you’ve got!” With a jerk of his hand, Jiraiya tosses a small book and pencil at the girl, absentmindedly listening to her skrawk as the book beans her in the head.

“I’ll show you! My writing is gonna make yours looks like crap!”

Three hours later, Jiraiya reads the short story with wide eyes. At his side, Naruto is smugly ginning with all the satisfaction of a cat that has caught the canary, and lazily crosses her arms behind her head. “How do you like them apples, dattebayo!?”

Jiraiya turns to her with serious eyes. “Congratulations- you’re my new editor! Look over these hundred pages, and then read some of my old works to get yourself more familiar with different writing styles. You have a lot of potential… Maybe someday, I’ll even let you continue the Icha Icha series for me!”

Jiraiya ignores Naruto’s half-hearted protest, and after the blonde finishes making a fuss, “Lazy ass, making me do work on his books, and still refusing to properly train me…”, the two sit together quietly in the clearing. The sannin gently folds the pages that Naruto had scrawled her story upon, and stores them within his sealing scroll.

The emotion within those pages, the incredible connection between ‘Nareito’ and ‘Hiroka’… Well, with a few tweaks, some name changes, and a bit more sex, that could be one fine Icha Icha book. Hell, if you changed the names to ‘Naruto’ and ‘Iruka’, it could be one fine love story.

Jiraiya isn’t an idiot. With proof like this, he’s definitely going to win that bet of his old sensei’s!

However, once he gets back to the village, Kakashi and he will be having words… That wannabe-pirate needed to understand how important it was that Naruto be kept from any underage relationship, but also that it was _her_ decision to decide who she would end up with.

Knowing that emotionally inept scarecrow, he was probably just ignoring all evidence pointing to the inevitable, and was too chicken-shit to confront the truth. The truth that Kakashi would be breaking his promise to Minato, or crushing his student’s heart.

 

Xxx

 

In front of Iruka, Teuchi continues to putter away. The stand is rather quiet, what with Iruka being the only customer at the moment, and if anything is slightly morose. The stand has been rather quiet for the past few years, in fact…

The academy sensei sighs and rests his chin on his arms that are crossed on the counter in front of him. It’s slow, bland, and quiet days like these, when everything seems to lack that ‘spark’, that Iruka misses Naruto the most. If Naruto was here, all she would have to do to chase away the gloom was smile that smile, and bring that little piece of sunshine that was all her own to the table.

Hopefully, she would return home soon.

“Iruka!”

Ah, he’s even imagining the sound of her voice! Iruka smiles self-depreciatingly. How pathetic can he get, missing a friend so much that the mere illusion of her calling his name made him instantly happy? Without Naruto, he seems to drag through the days, waiting for his old student to return. Maybe he should try and go on a date? He needs something to take his mind off the young child who had somehow become his best friend…

“IRUKA!”

A toned body slams into his from the side, and Iruka careens out of his chair. His assaulter comes with him, their limbs tangling together, and Iruka spits out a mouthful of hair. He lifts his eyes, opening his mouth to yell at his assailant, but when he shifts to see them clearly he finds the words dying on his tongue.

Above him, a beautiful girl with short, golden blonde hair, lean muscles covered in tanned skin, growing curves, and blue, blue eyes smiles down at him. Whiskered cheeks stretch into a wild grin, making Iruka’s breath catch in his chest.

“Iruka, I missed you!” Naruto exclaims, and flops from her position above him so that she can tightly hug his frozen form.

…Oh _Kami_ , this was Naruto! Holy shit this was his almost _sixteen year old student_ get it together Iruka _get it together-_

“Ah, Naruto! It’s good to see you to! How have you been?” Iruka politely asks. Naruto gently scrunches up her nose for a moment, before beaming again at him.

“I’m great! How are you?”

“I’m doing all right- somewhat crushed at the moment, but otherwise good.” Naruto’s cheeks redden, and she jumps to her feet, releasing Iruka from the trap of her body.

“Sorry, ‘Ruka!” I was just so excited to see you!” Iruka waves away her concerns, and retakes his previous seat. After a moment, Naruto sits down next to him, anxiously fiddling with the hiate-ate around her throat. The sight of his old headband makes Iruka smile- Naruto has kept it in pristine condition, even after all these years...

But more concerning is the way she greeted him- not a single ‘sensei’ in sight. Iruka carefully ignores this information- after all, Naruto has never been one for formality. Iruka can let this slide. They are _friends,_ after all!

“Teuchi, two bowls of our usuals, please!”

“Coming right up!”

Iruka gently coaxes Naruto into peaceful conversation, and while they eat their ramen, they catch up with one another- “-and that’s how I broke up a religious cult in Tea country!” - “…never change, Naruto, never change…”- reunited friends catching up with one another.

It is nearly sunset when they finally agree to cut off their impromptu reunion. The Umino bids his old student goodbye with a lightened heart (it was so good to see her again!). Iruka turns to leave, but a gentle hold on his vest stops him in place. With curious eyes, Iruka turns around, and is met with the sight of a red faced Naruto.

Before he can process her blush, the blonde thrusts a bundle into his hands.

“Let me know what you think of it!” Without waiting for a response, Naruto turns and sprints away, her gate surprisingly tense after the peaceful lunch they had just had.

Iruka watches with amusement as the blonde bends around the corner and out of sight, shaking his head at the Uzumaki’s antics. He turns considering eyes down towards the package Naruto had given him. With careful movements, he pulls away the brown paper surrounding it to reveal… A book?

The cover is a bright, lurid orange and proudly proclaims, ‘Limited edition- Icha Icha Sensei Sensei: Uncut!’

…Iruka blinks, before letting out a shaky laugh. Of course Naruto would give him one of Jiraiya’s novels as a gag gift! After carefully tucking into the confines of his jacket, Iruka makes his way back home, whistling out a merry tune.

 

Xxx

 

The next day, Naruto is happily walking the streets of Konoha when she sees Iruka again. The Uzumaki instinctively beams at the sight of him, and begins to skip towards the chuunin. The bags under his eyes make her stumble slightly though- Iruka doesn’t look so good…

“N-Naruto, here’s your book!” Iruka exclaims. The blonde in question comes to a halt in front of the twitching Umino, and tilts her head to gaze at him through lowered lashes.

“Iruka! D-did you like it?” Naruto mumbles out, and peers with hopeful eyes up at the panicked looking man.

“NO! I- I didn’t even _read_ it- this is porn, Naruto!” Iruka exclaims wildly, waving his arms as he does. With a beet red face he pushes the book into her hands. “I appreciate the… gesture, but I’m _not_ going to read it.”

Naruto blinks, a hurt look stealing across her face. “But, you already read porn! What’s different with this one?”

Iruka’s face goes blank. “Naruto. Icha Icha _Sensei Sensei._ I can’t read something like that.” The Umino sighs. “Thank you for giving me a present- a limited edition copy, no less- but I can’t accept… _this_.” The vague gesture of his hands leaves room for interpretation- was he not accepting the book? Or Naruto herself?...

His piece finished, Iruka turns away and heads down the street in the opposite direction, leaving the suddenly small looking girl behind.

Naruto shrinks deeper into the confines of her orange jacket, and clenches the book with a white knuckled hand. “Stupid fox, stupid Kakashi-sensei… porn is _not_ the way to a man’s heart.” Angrily lifting her free hand to rub at her eyes, Naruto raises her head, and inspects the few people trailing the street. A lone chuunin with a lightly freckled face catches her eye.

The Uzumaki trudges towards the nervous looking man, who flinches once Naruto looms over him.

“Ah, Uzumaki-san, w-what is it-”

“Here!” Naruto thumps the book into the chuunin’s chest. “It’s your lucky day!” Naruto spins on her heel, leaving the flabbergasted chuunin behind. The brown-haired man slowly lifts the book to his eyes and blinks at the title.

“Oh Kami,” Takeshi (or Minion Number 6, as he will later be known) whispers in awe. “The new limited edition Icha Icha novel!”

 

Xxx

 

Iruka apologizes the next day- but not before taking out his building anger on the ANBU that had interrupted his class for a field exercise. The prank he pulls calms him down enough to confront Naruto again while she is practising in the training grounds.

Naruto accepts his apology easily, but demands a sparring session in compensation. At first, they start off with a trap setting competition that results in both of them covered in honey and laughing as they run from the killer bees which have swamped the training grounds. After the innocent fun, Naruto challenges him to an all-out taijutsu spar…

While they are still covered in honey.

…Iruka treats it like the friendly spar it is (because that’s what it was- a _friendly_ _spar_ ), and leaves the training ground with mounting concerns, buried beneath denial- and a rather bruised back. Naruto had taken a great deal of pleasure in forcing him into intricate holds, and pinning him to the ground. She had straddled him a lot more than he had thought would be necessary as well…

She couldn’t have- have been doing that to… No, that was impossible!

These unfounded concerns were unimportant. After all, Naruto was still the same orange _kid_ , yelling she was going to be Hokage to the world. There was no way Naruto could possibly have some sort of _crush_ on him!

…Iruka loves living in denial.

 

Xxx

 

The academy sensei is sorting out a recent backlash of paperwork, wishing for some kind of distraction from the monotony, when Team Seven enters the mission office. Tenzo is in the process of ignoring Sai, shooting betrayed looks to his teammates, while Sakura and Naruto are excitedly conversing, oblivious to the people around them. Kakashi, for once without book in hand, gives a slight nod to Iruka, who gives a tilt of his head back.

“Come on Naruto, it had to have been you!” Sakura exclaims, interrupting Iruka’s concentration upon his papers. Somewhat indirectly, Naruto has answered his prayers- her and her team have broken him from the rather dry taxes he had been filing.

Sakura leans in closer to the blonde in question. “Who else would have been ballsy enough to prank _ANBU…”_

Iruka is ignorant of Sakura’s following words- at the mention of what is surely his prank, he freezes in his seat. Naruto might accidently blow his cover! He should never have revealed to her during their sparring session that he had kept up with his pranking…

The Umino breaks from his panicked thoughts and returns to the kunoichi’s conversation when Naruto begins to speak. “I can neither confirm nor deny…” Naruto turns her eyes subtly in his direction, pinning Iruka beneath her falsely dreamy gaze. “All I can say is that whoever pulled that prank is clearly an incredible, sexy mastermind. Why, I was so impressed with that prank, I could kiss them!”

Iruka freezes again. Then drops his head to repeatedly thunk it against his desk _. Damnit, Naruto! Don’t_ say _things like that- people might get the wrong idea!_

The Umino is distantly aware of team seven’s conversation with the Hokage, but he is too busy repressing… whatever the hell _this_ is to pay them much mind. Iruka is broken again from his thoughts by Naruto’s loud exclamation. “I’M GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU PALE-ASSED BASTARD!”

Iruka watches with wide eyes as Naruto attempts to attack Sai, who continues to smile blankly. Once she has finally calmed down, Naruto once again turns in his direction, a light pink dusting her cheeks. “For your information, Sai, sometimes me and Granny _are_ kinda similar. I like older guys too- they’re _wayyyy_ more attractive than little boys like _you_.”

Everything except for the blue of Naruto’s eyes fades away, white noise filling his ears. Eventually, Naruto is dragged out the office, but she continues to meet his eyes until the door closes shut behind her.

For a moment, Iruka sits in stunned silence. Then, he lets out a wordless scream and collapses upon his desk, sending his papers spiralling throughout the office.

“CLEAN UP THOSE PAPERS, UMINO!” Tsunade hollers. Iruka can’t bring himself to care about angering the Hokage- he has bigger problems on his mind…

 

Xxx

 

“Iruka’s just so- urghhhh…..” Naruto groans, flopping onto her back, heedless of the sewer around her.

From his prison, the Kyuubi no Kitsune, the chakra manifestation of hatred himself, face palms.

“ **Brat, I don’t care about your pathetic love life! It’s not my problem that you can’t attract the mate of your choosing!”**

Naruto turns pleading eyes towards the Kyuubi, who flinches away under the force of her puppy dog eyes. Those things should be considered an S-class weapon!

“But- but I need some advice! Pleeaaasseee! What should I do to make Iruka notice me?”

**“…Do I _look_ like a relationship guru?”**

Naruto tilits her head consideringly. “Mmm… Not really? Maybe you would look more like one if you had a fancy beaded necklace, or sat in seiza!”

The Kyuubi’s disgusted expression said exactly what he thought of _that_ suggestion.

The Uzumaki petulantly lifts her nose and lets out a disgruntled huff. “Well, if you’re not going to offer me any tips-”

**“I was the one that suggested the sparring session!”**

“-any _useful_ tips that actually get him to acknowledge me, I guess I’ll just use you as someone to rant at! So, Iruka started dating that co-worker of his, Masami, who’s a makeup obsessed harpy that doesn’t know how to take a joke. Whenever I see her, I want to punch her in the face! She even kissed Iruka in front of me! Last time, when I was…”

Kurama attempts to block out the blonde’s rants by covering his ears, but it is an exercise in futility. She’s just so _loud._

When she finally gets together with that chuunin, Kurama is going to rant in her ear all the time to distract her- she would deserve it, considering what she put him through on a daily basis!

 

Xxx

 

As time is want to do, it passes in a flurry of blurred moments.  Eventually, there is no longer time for innocent forays into love- instead, the only future in sight is one filled with _war_.

 

Xxx

 

Naruto enters the Fourth Shinobi War with something to protect. Obviously, this includes her friends, comrades, and the many shiboi fighting valiantly at her side. It is for their sake that she pushes to succeed. But what truly gives her the final push to race forward without fear in the face of the enemy is a single, lingering thought- if she loses… Iruka himself will be one of the many casualties of the war, another tally to the looming death count. If she doesn’t put her own life on the line, her most precious person could pay the ultimate price.

She is _not_ going to let that happen.

It was with guts and determination that Naruto spearheads the victory of the United Shinobi Nations. As everyone celebrates their hard-won success, Naruto is quietly content with Iruka’s every continued breath- and the small, proud smile he shines towards her on the eve of her victory.

That, beyond any words of praise or distinguishment, is her greatest reward.

Sometime later, after the end of the final battle and the Kage’s emergency meeting (something about creating a ‘Code Orange’, whatever _that_ is), Naruto finds herself discussing the future plans for the shinobi nations with Gaara. The Kazekage is oddly red in the face when Naruto praises his incredible leadership capabilities, but he had looked even worse when Naruto had stepped in close to feel his temperature, worried that he was sick.

In an effort to make him more comfortable, Naruto steps back to give him a little space, and directs her gaze occasionally away from him so as not to put him on the spot.

Gaara is saying something about increased trade throughout the shinobi nations, and maybe even a shinobi exchange program to make relations better, when her attention is completely diverted. Just ahead of her, Iruka is helping another wounded shinobi to the med tents. The Umino himself is covered in various wounds, but he doesn’t pay them a lick of attention, too busy helping his comrade.

Naruto smiles quietly at the sight. That’s just the kind of guy Iruka is- always putting others before himself.

The Uzumaki doesn’t even notice that Gaara has stopped talking. The Kazekage follows the direction of her gaze, and his breath hitches when it leads to none other than Umino Iruka. Gaara is about to exclaim his surprise, and attempt to divert Naruto’s attention from the older man, when something suddenly catches his attention.

Naruto’s entire expression is tender, her smile gentle, and her eyes… Those blue chips of sky that he has always drowned in are filled with _love_. Not for Gaara, but for _Iruka._

Gaara quietly steps away. He knows when he’s been beat.

…He better win that damn bet for this. His heartbreak should be worth its weight in gold!

 

Xxx

 

Iruka watches the years drift by with panic, always conscious of his ever-growing problem. Heedless of his internal pleas, Naruto only continues to become more beautiful, more mature… Iruka attempts to ignore this looming attraction- he is her old sensei after all, almost ten years her senior!

But… that doesn’t stop him from slowly coming to love her, piece by little piece.

It’s in the way she smiles, and lights up with that uncapturable joy that radiates from her like the sun breaking through a clouded sky. It’s the wrinkle of her brow when she’s confused, the pursing of her lips when she’s upset. The indignant huff she makes whenever Iruka is too ‘troublesome’. 

It’s her tender care as she hands him an orchid she had grown herself for his birthday, her ecstatic expression as she shows him the animals she and Kiba had looked at in Kaiza’s Pet Wonderland. Her calloused hand reaching to push dandelion blonde hair from her eyes, and Iruka finding his hands twitching to tuck the piece behind her ear with his own- barely holding himself back from reaching out to her. That _damned tooth_ , gently biting a chapped lip, heavy lidded blue eyes looking up at Iruka through thick lashes like he’s amazing, and the greatest gift she could ever receive…

Every day, Iruka stumbles upon some new reason to love the woman of his dreams- and every day, Iruka is ready to refute these terrible thoughts and push away the awful feelings that cling to him like tar. Naruto is still a kid compared to him, and he needs to just- just ignore this! His feelings will go away eventually-

- _Naruto opens the door to her apartment in only a towel. “Sorry Iruka, I didn’t’ realize it would be you at the door!” Then who did she expect it to be?! Iruka is going to give this person a piece of his mind!- no, wait, he’s not supposed to care_ -

- _A weeklong pranking competition arises between them after Naruto changes his coffee to decaf, and his heart races as she lights up with glee and determination. In that moment, Iruka is heedless of the paint splatters across his face and the glitter bombs that have detonated in his apartment, but instead focuses entirely on the incredible woman before him_ -

- _The blonde falls asleep with her head gently resting on his shoulder, and Iruka’s entire back tenses as he forces his gaze away from the absolutely adorable expressions she makes when she’s sleeping_ -

- _Naruto smiles softly at the academy students practising in the yard, and Iruka is unable to make himself disturb her as she watches the children of what will someday be her village play and laugh. Iruka can’t help but think that when Naruto’s a mother, she’s going to be the best one that ever was, and that if they had kids, she would love them so much_ -

…Oh Kami, he is so _screwed._

Iruka doesn’t know whether to be overjoyed or incredibly distraught when Naruto slowly tapers off her attempts to catch his attention. It was inevitable that she would move on.  Besides, this is the right thing, and this is what he wanted. _So_ _why did it hurt so much?_

 

Xxx

 

In the years after the war, Naruto makes various attempts at claiming Iruka’s attention- setting up events so that he comes across her in little more than a towel, instigating numerous pranking wars, and letting herself fall asleep on his shoulder…

The attempts continue, none succeeding. Naruto slowly tapers off on her ploys to win Iruka’s affections when it becomes clear that he is reaching the point where her sheer presence makes him uncomfortable. Naruto still remembers those dark years when Iruka was her sensei, when they were hardly even friends…

Naruto can’t go back to that. Even if she can’t have Iruka’s love, she can still have his friendship. If she loses that, too… Naruto thinks something in her would _break._

Naruto no longer wants the status quo- she wants Iruka as _more_ than a friend. But he dances away from her, always slightly out of reach. Iruka acts like these feelings she has would go away if he ignores them. He still sees her as the immature kid in the orange jumpsuit, yelling her dreams of being Hokage to the world. And Naruto has no clue how to make him change his mind.

…Luckily for Naruto, fate intervenes- this time in the form of a mind reading shopaholic.

Ino invites her to go dress shopping, using the blackmail of her secret author status as leverage. Somehow, it begins the chain reaction of doom necessary to pull Naruto out of the depressed funk she has been ground into. Naruto now has a goal- she _will_ reverse the downwards spiral her quest of love has been taking, and set the kami forsaken deathtrap- known more commonly as the friend zone- on _fire_.

 

Xxx

 

“Naruto is going to confess to the love of her life today because Yamanaka Ino accelerated The Bet! Run for your lives!”

Iruka carefully puts down the shuriken he had been in the process of buying to replace the dented ones at the academy. With rigid steps, he pushes through the swarming crowds, all of which are anxious to place their bets. In a trance, the chuunin finds himself going to the one place he has always associated with good things- thanks mostly in part to the blonde that is about to confess to him (oh Kami she’s going to confess he doesn’t know whether to be ecstatic or hate himself she didn’t give up she loves him even though she shouldn’t he’s disgusting but he _can’t help the way he feels)-_

“One miso, please,” Iruka whispers, taking a careful seat. Teuchi shoots him a _look_ punctuated by a raised eyebrow, but calmly moves to carry out the order.

Iruka stares with unblinking eyes at the counter before him. When the ramen arrives, he stares at that too. When shinobi swarm him for Intel… He ‘takes care of them’.

Nothing can break Iruka from his torrential thoughts. Not Teuchi and Ayame’s disapproving stares, not the distant insanity of Konoha, and not even some moronic ninja fishing for information on the precious shared history between himself and Naruto.

Eventually, he comes to a decision within his mind.

He is going to prevent Naruto from making the biggest mistake of her life. _Even if it breaks him to do it._

…Luckily for Iruka, when Uzumaki Naruto is involved, plans tend to go pear-shaped. In this case, in the best possible way.

 

Xxx

 

And so begins the simple summer day to change the world.


	16. Not A Hallucination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hellish to write, mostly because I realized as I was trying to write it that the wind down for the story was dragging on, and on, and on… In the end, this chapter turned into a bit of a summary/denouement, and if it feels a bit dry in the middle, I apologize in advance, but it was the only way I could fit all that needed to be said without writing a bunch of dragged out chapters. Heck, this story was originally supposed to be just a 5000-10000 word one-shot! Goes to show that if I don’t put my foot down, I get carried away… After this, only an epilogue and an omake chapter left, both of which should be out faster than this last chapter was.

Through the trees of the training ground, dim beams of light broke through to the ground. The warm, orange cast to its glow, thanks to the sunset, was perfect and picturesque. One would think such a tranquil moment would belong to a cheesy romance movie, or a cinema worthy nature shot.

Iruka couldn’t care less.

Dispassionately, he stared through the trees, face blank and eyes unseeing. He couldn’t force himself to feel much of anything besides bone deep exhaustion, much less drudge up an appreciation for the beautiful end to the lovely summer day. Iruka _knew_ he had made the right choice- Naruto had always wanted to be Hokage, even before he came into her life. But…

Letting her go had still hurt more than anything he had ever experienced.

_It’s funny_ , Iruka thought to himself. He had been pushing Naruto away for so long- this shouldn’t have been any different. But for a brief period of time, he had bought into to the wonderful fantasy that they could be together, that despite the many reasons they shouldn’t be together, that they could beat the odds…

However, that was a fool’s dream. So he had pushed her away again, for her own sake- the sake of the woman he could now admit he loved. But this time… It felt like he was slowly being crushed, ripped away piece by little pieced until only bones and pain remained. It was because this time, he had allowed that little piece of hope to consume him- which made the fall all the more greater.

So no, it wasn’t really funny, but instead morbidly ironic that what Iruka had denied for years was now something he wanted more than anything, but could never have.

“Iruka!”

Oh Kami, he was even imagining the sound of her voice! How pathetic could he get?

Iruka scuffed a clump of grass with his shoe as he meandered farther into the training grounds. He had to get out of Konoha for a little bit, until he could get these… _feelings_ under control. He had had practice burying his growing feelings over the years, but Iruka already knew that ahead of him waited an even greater challenge. This time it would be even more difficult to ignore what Naruto felt, what _he_ felt… But somehow, he would find a way to persevere.

…Oh, who was he kidding? He just lost the love of his life, and it was his _own damn fault_. There was never going to be a happy ending for someone like him. Any dreams he had foolishly hoped would- _had thought had-_ come true, were just hallucinations wrought of his own twisted desires. At least Naruto would get to be Hokage, and live out _her_ greatest dream…

“IRUKA!” Iruka was unceremoniously tackled from behind to the ground, and barely had enough time to throw his arm in front to protect his face. The trembling form of a leanly muscled woman pressed against his back, her arms wrapped firmly around his torso.

Slowly, Iruka turned his head- and felt his breath catch painfully in his chest when his eyes met determined blue.

“You’re an idiot.” Naruto whispered. Her blonde hair was blown back and slightly tangled- probably from running at full force- while her arms, grounded on either side of his head, were scuffed and dirtied. Her face was resolute. Iruka’s heart stuttered as she leaned even closer towards him.

“I’d rather be with you than be Hokage, because _you_ are my greatest dream,” she murmured. “But I don’t want it to be a dream anymore- I want us to be _real_. Please, Iruka- stop running!”

Iruka was distantly aware that they had shifted so that Iruka was lying on his back, pinned in place by the woman hovering above him. He couldn’t seem to focus on anything other than her blue, blue eyes, little chips of the sky that had broken through his rainy day.

“…But, you’ve always wanted to be Hokage- this is what you’ve worked for your entire life! Don’t throw it away-”

“No.” Naruto interrupted.

“…No?”

“No.” Naruto whispered again. She leaned in close until their foreheads were just touching, breath mingling and gazes locked. “Everyone else can come up with a million reasons why we shouldn’t be together. _You_ can come up with a bunch of bullshit of why we can’t love each other. But I have one thing to say to all that.” Naruto scrunched up her nose, and bared her teeth.  “I’m Uzumaki Naruto, and I say screw it, dattebayo! Since when have I cared what other people think? They’re all a bunch of hypocritical shipping crazed assholes anyways!” Naruto eyes crinkled with the force of her growing smile. “I love you. And I’m pretty sure you love me- it’s as simple as that. Stop making this complicated, ‘Ruka!”

For a moment, Iruka didn’t respond, frozen in place as the beautiful woman he loved pressed in close. Finally he managed to whisper out a response. “…You might never be Hokage- can you honestly say you won’t come to resent me for that?”

Naruto smiled, before lightly pressing her chapped lips to Iruka’s. Despite the gentleness of the touch, which contained the barest of pressure, Iruka felt a spark ignite across his lips. Naruto pulled back, then rested her forehead against Iruka’s own again. “I promise that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and that I’ll never resent you. And _that’s_ a promise of a lifetime- my ninja way!”

Iruka’s thoughts raced, denial whipping through his mind. He knew what he had to do- the right thing would be to gently turn Naruto down once again, and end this terrible farce…

…But Iruka wasn’t some goody two shoes chuunin. He was a prankster to his core, one who was ballsy enough to prank ANBU- _and get away with it._ Iruka could see it- the bland future he would face without Naruto. He would live day after day, quiet and alone. There would never be another woman in his life than could match the one before him. His friendship with Naruto would crumble away, the awkwardness and tragedy between them too much to bear…

…It was a nightmare. Iruka stared into Naruto’s blue eyes, and looked into a different future.

Every day would be an adventure. The course of true love never did run smooth, and neither would theirs. And their love would be all the more perfect for it. Being able to see and experience Naruto’s smile, Naruto’s anger, Naruto’s love, Naruto’s _everything_ -  find joy together, start the family that the both of them had always craved… And eventually, grow old together, and be able to wake up to Naruto, wonderful, amazing Naruto, every day…

It was a dream. But if he took the next step, it could be a reality.

Naruto was a surprise bundled in mysteries he would have to spend the rest of his life unraveling. She was the most unpredictable shinobi, and for every good time, there would be bad times. For every accomplishment, there would be opposition. But through it all, they would face the future together.

There was nothing else he wished more to do.

With the truth of Naruto’s feelings blindingly bright, and the final obstacle removed… Iruka could finally say he was _done_ running from the best thing to ever happen to him.

Slowly, a smile overtook Iruka’s mouth, his eyes crinkling at the corners with its force. With careful hands, he cradled Naruto’s face. “You really are the most unpredictable kunoichi,” he whispered. “I love you, Uzumaki Naruto.” Gently, Iruka bridged the final distance, and kissed Naruto.

Time was meaningless to the two shinobi. They clung almost desperately to each other, movements between them tender and careful. Naruto’s hands slowly drifted to clutch at Iruka’s disorderly hair, while Iruka’s fell to the curve of Naruto’s waist. With each passing moment, the passion of their movements increased, each finding themselves eager to explore the body of the other, learning more about each other that over the course of their long friendship had been unknown till now.

Things might have shared a more marked resemblance to the first date between Hiro and Rei from Icha Icha Sensei Sensei if an inopportune shinobi hadn’t stumbled upon them.

“…Can’t be a nukenin, Kakashi-senpai would be hopelessly lost… Who would remind him to feed his dogs? Pakkun could die! I have a responsibility to stay, and-” Tenzo froze in his rant as he breached the clearing containing Naruto and Iruka in a rather… compromising position.

“…UHHHH…” he unintelligibly said in a loud voice. Iruka turned surprised eyes upon the mokuton user, and leapt to his feet, disentangling from Naruto as he blushed a deep red. Naruto grumpily lurched to her feet, shooting Tenzo a deadly look behind Iruka’s back. She not so subtly dragged her right hand across her throat in a severe gesture.

Tenzo wasn’t an idiot- he got the message.

“I was just making my way back to the village to make sure my apartment wasn’t still on fire because of the shipping craze- so don’t mind me! Just continue on with your, uh… ‘Activities’. _I was never here_.” Tenzo pivoted on his heel and speedily strode back in the direction of the village, but Iruka interrupted his hasty departure before he could escape.

“WHAT FIRE?!”

…Shit.

 

Xxx

 

After Iruka and Naruto returned from their… ‘conversation’, Konoha recouped in a surprisingly speedy fashion.

Headed by the singularly non-lazy Nara who personified darkness and fear, the shinobi of the village found a wealth of motivation to clean up the destruction of the day. They worked through the night, into the next day, and the day after that without sleep (anyone caught dawdling experienced the living nightmare that was Shikamaru).

Many shinobi would forever we petrified of said Nara, and the need for therapy would reach an all-time high in the coming years. Luckily, Shikamaru would be shipped off to Suna as the newest Konoha foreign diplomat. Not so luckily for Suna, though…

(Kankuro would forever be twitchy around the ‘hellspawn’ of his sister. The night light that he kept, despite frequent teasing about it from Gaara, however, would allow him to weather the worst of the storm that was the Nara he was now related to.)

After the initial frenzy, the hospital became an unspoken power-napping location- most of the shinobi housing apartments had been destroyed, and the hospital had a lot of beds… Common sense, really.

Sakura and Tsunade spear-headed the continued medical aid to the many injured shinobi and few unlucky civilians. Considering both of them had originally led a mob that promised victory for The Bet, it was somewhat surprising that no one had attempted to serve retribution for their unjust promises of victory. Then again, both kunoichi were capable of shattering mountains with a single punch, and were responsible for the main medical aid of Konoha.

…Nevermind. It made sense that no one had attacked them.

Takeshi continued to be a Minion of Tsunade, and led a revolution of the Minions against Anko. The snake summoner never saw it coming. The Minions, having valiantly fought for their freedom, promptly threw it away by becoming underlings to Tsunade.

They at least seemed happier…

Lee, having taken Kakashi’s advice to heart, helped Sakura diligently in her work at the hospital. Instead of declaring his undying love, he constantly challenged the pink-haired medic to all out spars like the first one on the day of The Bet. Sakura, caught off guard by his lack of flowery confessions and the absence of his monstrous eyebrows, accepted his proposals, again and again.

…Probably because she was completely and utterly enamoured with him, though she kept that ‘secret’ close. There would not be another drunken confession from her lips for years to come.

Over the coming months, Lee would earn Sakura true respect (and more than a few bruises) during the course of their meetings. He would come to learn that Sakura was not perfect- and that he loved her all the more for it. Nearly half a year later, he would ask her out for the first time since the day of The Bet’s completion. For the first time, Sakura would say yes.

Considering she had just been about to ask _him_ out, it certainly worked out.

It would also help that Naruto had finally pressured Sakura into admitting, while sober, that she thought Lee was ‘super hot in spandex’. Sakura would still deny her drunken confession from the summer before, but that wouldn’t stop her from appreciating Lee’s… ‘Anatomy.’ She was a med-nin, after all!.

 Lee’s eyebrows eventually grew back, but their enormity was offset was the smoothness of his scalp, and Sakura was finally willing to admit to all that she found the ‘Green Beast’ highly attractive.

Over the coming years, a gentle love (punctuated by less gentleness during their frequent spars) would grow between the two…

Kiba, finally reunited with Akamaru (the dog having wisely hid away during the events of the day), spent the next month after The Bet contemplating life in the remote mountains surrounding Kumo, his previous sanity shattered.

No one blamed him.

The vegetable market, other than the civilian housing sector, was the only relatively unharmed section of Konoha. Previous enemies, the GaaNaru and SasuNaru shippers, came together to ruthlessly fix the many stands. They now had common ground in their crippling fear of ‘The Beast’…

After Shikamaru kicked everyone’s asses in gear, and once rebuilding was underway, he snuck out of Konoha and spent an enjoyable week at the neighbouring town’s hot springs. No one was ballsy enough to attempt to bring him back.

The shinobi apartments were reconstructed under the power of a somewhat disgruntled Hokage-to-be spamming shadow clones, and the aid of the many shinobi that had set fire to the apartment in the first place. Years later, random traps could still be stumbled upon. Oddly enough, it added to the allure of the apartments, because many shinobi liked the thought of the mysterious danger…

Shinobi, of course, are nuts.

While the reconstruction of said apartments was underway, Konohamaru and Nana were caught attempting to add their bets post-bet completion to the betting station at the hospital. Apparently, they had actually managed to deduce that Naruto loved Iruka from a single bet of Jiraiya’s, but had been unable to place their bets in time due to capture via Aoba. They were promptly kicked out of the defunct betting station, and forced to personally be responsible for keeping Naruto on track with the rebuilding, which was a particularly hellish job- she kept trying to sneak away to meet up with Iruka…

Iruka supervised the de-trapping of the shopping district, and the restoration of the many stores. This was mostly to keep him a fair distance away from Naruto, because the shopping district was on the other side of Konoha from the shinobi housing apartments. No one wanted the two of them running off before restoration was complete. On top of that, seeing them together was like salt in the slowly healing wounds of the losers of The Bet.

Regardless, the two still managed to secretly rendezvous at the training grounds for some… ‘sparring’. Later that week, they would have a pleasant second date in the wilds of fire country, away from any pesky observers…

Tenzo, much to his pleasure, was _not_ responsible for much of the rebuilding, other than a few businesses that needed immediate restoration. Instead, he was in charge of forcing Kakashi to do his paperwork. The mokuton wielder was too busy nagging his senpai to worry about becoming a nuke-nin after that.

It helped that Kakashi, now over his crippling avoidance of the most recent Icha Icha releases, was raring to test out the newest books.

Sakura, the poor, poor girl, was a victim of the sight of the Hokage’s desk being defiled when she came in to deliver reports on the reconstruction of the hospital. She would be scarred for the rest of her life, and would forever wonder how the hell she had ever thought Kakashi and _Naruto_ should be together.

A permanent twitch reflex whenever she heard the word ‘Senpai’ was her resulting punishment…

Chouji, revenge against ‘The Orange’ satisfied, bought the nice dress he had originally been trying to buy for Karui and swore off ramen for life.

Hinata was indefinitely house bound, pending improved attitude in regards to Naruto’s love life. The Hyuuga attempted to offer as much support as they could to their desolate clan leader, but they themselves weren’t overly upset by The Bet’s end result- most of them had originally been NejiNaru shippers after all, and were used to having their hopes crushed.

In the coming years, Hinata would gradually tone down her obsession with Naruto, and finally stop trying to assassinate Iruka. But even after she stopped actively trying to kill him, the merest mention of Iruka’s name could send her into a violent rage. The shinobi of Konoha figured that was about as good as she was ever going to get.

While reconstruction was in progress, reports on the status of the other hidden villages arrived.

Suna was still under lockdown, but had apparently ‘finished cleansing the Orange menace’, whatever that meant.

Iwa was missing. How an entire hidden village could disappear, no one knew. The village wouldn’t reappear for another month, upon which the Tsuchikage would claim that they had been following state protocol and bunkering out in the mountains until they were sure The Bet was complete. They were probably the smartest of all, to be honest.

Kiri was Kiri. No more needs to be said.

Kumo didn’t respond to any outside contact for two weeks, and that connection was only finally reached via Kiba, who was taking an existential questioning field trip through the mountains. Upon meeting the village that had degenerated into a rapping hellhole, Kiba would realize that he at least wasn’t the craziest shinobi, and feel remarkably better.

The Raikage promptly retired once he learned the outcome of The Bet, but not before passing one final law- rapping in Kumogakure was now punishable by death.

Killer Bee wisely decided to hang out in Takigakure for the foreseeable future.

Other than in those villages, chaos was limited to minor property damage everywhere else. A shaky peace soon returned to the elemental nations, though the mood was globally soured by the drastic losses to The Bet.

There were a few victors, though.

Ino and Shino reaped the benefits of their reward in very different ways. The Aburame decided to put all of his earnings into savings. The interest it would later generate would allow him to pamper his beloved for the rest of his life- she was rather high maintenance, after all. On the other hand, Ino was forced to cough up half of her substantial win to pay for damages. It was _she_ who had accelerated The Bet, after all!

With her remaining winnings, Ino and Shino went on a deluxe road trip. No one would hear from them for the next three months. From then on, they develop a taste for travelling, and their excursions and discoveries would go down in history.

Unspoken was the truth that the duo only first started said excursions so that Ino could escape those still disgruntled about her jump starting ‘The Day of Shipping Hell’. It all at least turned out for the best, though…

Sai would never realize that he had lost his could-be girlfriend to a scheming bug user, his emotional ineptitude failing him once again. Mitarashi Anko, now Minion less, would swoop in for the kill upon the oblivious artist. Unlike her previous Minions, he would never escape.

…That poor, poor bastard…

Teuchi and Ayame, who over the years had invested an _enormous_ sum into The Bet, were now the richest people in the elemental nations. Later, they would buy out a sizeable sum of fire country’s land and found their own daimyo dynasty. Teuchi kept Ichiraku’s open in his palace, and was always ready to make a bowl of ramen for the frequently visiting Iruka and Naruto.

Jiraiya’s earning would be pooled out through his resurfaced will. Naruto would receive a sizeable sum, though the rest would be anonymously donated to the many orphanages in the elemental nations and divested into a scholarship for promising writers.

Naruto would quietly tear up at the note that came with the willed earnings- ‘Enjoy your future with that chuunin-sensei, brat. I’m proud of you. Name one of your kids after their old gramps, okay? Jiraiya’s a pretty classy name. I wish you the best.’ It would be the only time Jiraiya outright admitted that he considered Naruto his daughter, if through slightly indirect means, but the blonde would, regardless, cherish the letter for the rest of her life.

Gaara would drown his sorrows in money. And then use that same money to found and fund charitable institutions and orphanages across the elemental nations. He would go down in history as the next coming of the Rikudo Sennin, and though he would have no children himself, his legacy would continue through adopted family and his nieces and nephews. Though many argued that ‘those soul sucking Nara couldn’t _possibly_ be related to the kind, benevolent Kazekage!’

The final mystery would be that of a no name civilian of mysterious background who had somehow managed to place the winning bet almost ten years ago. Once they collected their earnings, they would disappear, never to be seen again…

Uzumaki Naruto pulled off her greatest prank without a hitch.

 

Xxx

 

A month after The Bet was completed, Morino Ibiki had a problem.

The scarred man stared morosely down at his clasped hands. As T and I’s greatest interrogator, it shamed him to find that he had been unable to deduce the true outcome of The Bet. On top of that, they never had managed to figure out who the hell Naruto’s male friend could have been!

Which is why he had cornered the blonde in question in the Hokage’s office.

“Uzumaki, I need to know- it stomps on my pride as a shinobi to not know the answer, and to finally move past this, I need the truth. _Please_ \- tell me who it was!”

Naruto lifted her head from her paperwork, and gave Ibiki an incredulous look. “What the hell are you going on about?” On the other side of the room, Kakashi snorted, ignoring the towering stack of paper on the desk in front of him in favour of the conversation between Naruto and Ibiki. Tenzo, who was standing next to Kakashi’s desk, whacked him over the head with a stack of papers to reclaim his attention, and forced the grumbling Hokage back to work.

Ibiki pursed his lips. “T and I had deduced that you would have told a close male friend about your feelings- we thought that friend to be Kiba, because he was the one you spent the most time alone with, but that was clearly not the case.” Ibiki’s eyes went wide and watery. “Please, Naruto- I need to know who it was!”

Naruto cringed away. “Jeeze, put that face away- you’re no Inuzuka. The puppy dog expression just looks creepy on ya.” The Uzumaki’s face shifted into a sly expression. “Do you really want to know?...”

“YES!”

“Okay, okay! Man Ibiki, calm your tits…” Naruto imperiously lifted her nose to the air. “The only one I could trust with such a secret, my best male friend… was Kurama!”

Ibiki, Kakashi, and Tenzo froze. Naruto continued to foxily grin.

“…You complained about your love life to the Kyuubi, the chakra manifestation of hatred, the strongest primordial being in the world?” Ibiki emotionlessly asked.

“Yep! He’s a really good listener, dattebayo. He even helped me come up with some of the subtle hints to catch ‘Ruka’s attention!”

Ibiki stared blankly at Naruto, before unceremoniously turning and leaving the office. “I need a drink…” he mumbled.

As Ibiki made his defeated exit with his head lowered to the ground, he bumped into what must have been a chuunin messenger that was entering at the same time. Ibiki was about to growl out a threat, but froze once he raised his head and recognized the shinobi in question.

Iruka sheepishly smiled, and shifted the wrapped boxes he carried in his hands. “Sorry about that, Ibiki!” The Morino quickly flickered his eyes back to Naruto, who was beaming at Iruka. Ibiki snorted, and waved away the apology with a lazy hand. He wasn’t suicidal enough to chew out the chuunin that the most powerful woman in the world was in love with, in front of her, no less.

As he left the office, he could hear the conversation between the resident lovebirds.

“Classes finally let out, and I know you get off when you’re done all your work- would you like a little help with your paperwork? I know it’s been a long week for you, and that way we can get that murder-mystery movie marathon of ours started sooner, and you can kick back and relax…”

“That sounds great, ‘Ruka! You wouldn’t believe how much Kakashi-sensei is dumping on me to practice for being Hokage- he’s so lazy, without Yamato he’d probably never get anything done, and I think he’s making me do all the work, cause…”

The blonde’s words faded as Ibiki made his way farther from the office. An exasperated grin twisted his many scars. _How the hell could we have ever thought Naruto would end up with someone other than Iruka?_

In retrospect, it was obvious.


	17. Epilogue: Six Years Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It felt like this chapter fell short of the potential humourous value I had hoped for, but as I am going off to school, there was no time to do any heavy changes. Not to say that it's all bad, and there's hopefully a few funny bits in here, but regardless, apologies in advance. All that's left after this is an omake compilation chapter, which should be out within the next few days. 
> 
> In addition, there was a random animal summon adition for a certain character- it just seemed to fit.
> 
> Without further ado...

The man walked through the shadows of the woods, absentmindedly listening to the chirping of birds and the murmur of a distance brook. The path through the woods he travelled was well worn, and the peacefully sedate pace of his journey belied the tension in his shoulders.

The cloak across his shoulders, ragged at the ends though still well kept, rustled with the slightest of breezes. The faintest edge of something sweet on the wind carried to his nose, and with a hand shading his eyes, the man looked to the sky.

By the hanging of the sun, he estimated it to be almost noon- he was right on time, then.

With unhurried steps, the man continued down the path, eventually breaking out of the dense forest. Looming in front of him were the impressive gates of one of the most wealthy cities in the world- Konohagakure no Sato.

The man found himself quirking his lips at the sight of the familiar walls, but a faint trace of unease crept up his spine. There were no watchers manning the wall…

The man snorted, and after pushing a long strand of black hair from his eyes, took a second look towards the outside of the village. Though there wasn’t anyone manning the outside walls, that did not mean Konoha was undefended. In fact, what with the particular event occurring today, Konoha would actually be consolidating its power as the strongest hidden village.

It wasn’t everyday a new Hokage was put in office, after all.

The man smirked at the thought of the new Hokage, and with a confident stride, made his way through the looming gates. Casually, he bit his thumb, and with practiced movements summoned a red-tailed hawk. After giving it a murmured command to scout the village and report back, the bird was off.

The man walked through the streets with unhurried steps. He had finally returned, and was ready to fulfill his second goal.

Naruto had waited long enough.

 

Xxx

 

Kakashi happily sighed, and let his head fall to the desk in front of him with a resounding thud. At his side, Tenzo snickered before picking up the last stack of papers, carefully setting them in a nearby bin.

After all this time… Kakashi was finally free!

Honestly, it had taken long enough for Naruto to get ready for the hat. She probably would have been able to take it sooner, but certain… _complications_ had postponed her inauguration. Despite the long wait, it was finally time though.

And now Kakashi never had to so much as look at another sheet of paperwork again!

Tenzo coughed to reclaim Kakashi’s attention, a small smile forming across his face.

“Senpai, it’s almost time- all that’s left is the formal assembly announcement.”

Kakashi snorted. “Mah, I won’t need to bother calling for an assembly- the whole village has been crowding the streets since this morning. I heard even _Shikamaru_ is already here. Only thing still lazy about that man is his terribly slack attitude to showing up on time…”

Tenzo gave Kakashi a pointed look. “You’re one to talk about showing up on time. And I thought Shikamaru was supposed to be in Suna? Wasn’t that why you and all those traumatized shinobi made him a foreign diplomat? To keep him _out_ of the village?”

The Hatake sighed, and as he rose from his desk, he stared at the floor with blank eyes. “Temari wanted to see Naruto take the hat- they’re a package deal, including that growing brood of theirs…”

“…I heard their kids got permanent ‘Beast’ eyes- is that true?”

“…I think so. Last I heard, only Gaara can get the older one to stop creating black abysses of doom, other than his parents. Which makes sense- the Kazekage’s practically a saint, after all.”

Tenzo nodded thoughtfully. After giving the paperwork a final shuffle, Tenzo and Kakashi shared a grin. With lightened hearts, they rose from their desks, and together, made their way from the office.

“Honestly, I respect him,” Tenzo continued, casually sidestepping a passing messenger nin that was staggering under an enormous stack of paperwork, “but Shikamaru is _terrifying_. Thank Kami the Nara are, with the exception of Shikamaru, lazy- I don’t think the world could handle more than him and his brood...” Tenzo took a moment to shudder at the thought. “We’re just lucky that he’s with Temari. Otherwise, we might have another psychopath trying to take over the world on our hands.”

Kakashi hummed noncommittally. “I wouldn’t go that far- everyone knows he’s not near as bad as he could be. Hell, Raiya adores him!”

“Yeah, but Raiya has the self-preservation instincts of a lemming- that’s not saying much.”

“…I would say you were lying, but I once saw her flying a kite hooked to a metal key during a storm so that she could get struck by lightning- apparently, she wanted ‘zappy powers’… Her father nearly had a conniption when he found out.” Tenzo let out an amused chuckle, and Kakashi smirked as he looped an arm around his kohai’s shoulders.  “At least once this is all over, Shikamaru will be back in Suna, prowling the sand dunes with his creepy shadows, and the wonderful new Hokage will be taking care of all my old time consuming paperwork. We’ll have all the time in the world to test out the sixth book!”

Tenzo’s face went beet red, but Kakashi wasn’t too worried. A hint of a smile had edged onto the brown-haired man’s face, and all Kakashi had received for his comment was a light hip check.

Kakashi had matured like Tenzo had always asked him to… In a manner of speaking.

Regardless, this day was going to be great- Kakashi could feel it!

 

Xxx

 

Ino laughed as she jumped onto Shino’s back. “Onwards, noble steed! Good fortune awaits!”

“As you wish, m’lady,” Shino responded in absolute deadpan. Carefully shifting the Yamanaka on his back, Shino weaved his way through the crowded street that they had exited upon. The Yamanaka’s tanned hands wound lazily around his neck as she leaned in closer to whisper in his ear.

“So, what do you thinks going to go wrong?”

Shino hummed in question, and absentmindedly dodged a frantic Konohamaru who raced ahead with a suspicious bucket in his hands. Chasing after him was a furious Anko, dragging her Minion artist along for the ride. Both were covered in splotchy blue paint, though Sai was considerably less enraged by this fact. Shino was treated to the sight of Anko whispering some fervent command in the pale man’s ear, and Sai somehow managing to turn even whiter. Without a word, Sai raced away, and Anko peeled off in the opposite direction.

Whatever Anko was up to, it couldn’t be good…

Manicured fingers snapped in front of Shino’s face, reclaiming his attention.

“Come on, everyone knows that anything involving Naruto goes wonky. Remember five years ago?” Ino drawled.  “ _No one_ expected a nearly extinct group of exorcists to show up, or that weird portal to spill out all those funky alternate dimension guys. And four years ago, with the Summoning Wars? Or three years ago, with the crazy kidnappers trying to “restore ‘The Orange’ to his former glory through the sacred blood”? Don’t even get me _started_ on the weird ancient curse thing five months ago that made everyone talk in rhymes _. Something_ is going to happen- and considering it’s Naruto’s inauguration, it’ll probably be the worst yet.”

Shino mused on Ino’s predictions as he turned the corner of the street. By now, it was difficult to move through the crowd because it was so congested. And they were still a good kilometer from the podium!

“Ino, I don’t think we’ll have much to worry about- why? Because Naruto will handle any problems as she always has- with a steadfast hand, courage in the face of terrible peril… and an overabundance of orange and ramen.”

Ino indelicately snorted at his comment, all the while gently fiddling with his black coat’s lapels.

“I guess I’m just worried- what if Ikkaku gets kidnapped again, or runs off after a squirrel or something? Iruka-sensei’s rage-sprees are _terrifying_ …”

Shino shivered. “…I’m sure it will be fine, Ino. Why? Considering he’s at the hospital in the capable hands of his godmother, there’s no way he could be kidnapped, or run off like some long-lost princess to play with the woodland creatures. On top of that, Ren would beat up anyone that even tried to pat him on the head- that wonderful little terror is almost as bad as _Shikaro_ sometimes.”

The Yamanaka clinging to Shino’s back was still tense, and the Aburame sighed. He gave Ino’s legs a gentle squeeze and tilted his head back to shoot her a small smile. “We only have to last through the ceremony, Ino. Nothing’s going to happen in just two hours. Besides, after this is all done, we have that exploration to Frost to enjoy- I’m sure we can find those secret mountain hot springs this time.”

Ino hummed, her lips quirking slightly and back losing some of its previous tension. Before she could respond, she was slightly distracted by a cloaked figure that strode across her field of vision, then out of sight as it turned down a nearby alley.

The blonde dazedly blinked. For a second there, she could have sworn…

Nah… It couldn’t be!

 

Xxx

 

“Yosh! And What Do We Do If Any Bad Men Come?”

“Kick ‘Em In The Balls!”

“Exactly, Ren! And What Do We Do If Ikkaku Gets Distracted By A Butterfly And Goes Wondering Off?”

“Knock Out The Butterfly, And Smack’m Till He Stops Being Weird!”

Lee’s eyes teared up, and a wide smile stretched across his cheeks. The glow of the hospitals lights caught the pearly shine of his head, and it twinkled almost as much as his teeth.

“Ren!”

“Daddy!”

“REN!”

“DADDY!”

With an enthusiastic pounce Lee scooped up his giggling daughter, gently squeezing her as he spun her in circles. An epic sunset swirled into being around them, complete with a rainbow and terrifying sparkles, though the green clad duo seemed oblivious to this fact. After he had finished spinning her, Lee carefully set Ren back down to the ground, giving her black hair a quick mussle. She fired a grin back at him, her big green eyes twinkling.

In near sync, the Youthful! duo turned to the third occupant of the hospital waiting room with beaming grins, Ren just behind her father as she copied his movements. A slightly disturbed face stared back, and with a gentle rub at his purple eyes, the sandy-haired child sitting on one of the beds at the side of the room quietly hopped to his feet.

“…can we go yet?” the young boy mumbled, his tanned face pulling into a sad, doe-like expression. “…we’ve been waiting for _hours.”_

Ren instantly gasped as the beginnings of the dreaded ‘puppy dog eyes’ began to form on the small boy. “Ikkaku, We Must Wait For Mama! She Has To Put Some Brains Back In Uncle Kiba ‘Cause He Mentioned Uncle ‘Ruka to Auntie Hinata! P-Please Don’t Cry!”

Ikkaku wrinkled his nose, and gently crossed his arms, slowly shrinking into himself. “…wasn’t gonna cry… I just wanted to go outside and look at the birds...”

Lee beamed at the downtrodden child. “Soon, Ikkaku! But First, My Iron Willed Blossom Must Aid Our Youthful Comrade-” Lee’s speech was cut off as the door of the room banged opened. A frazzled, pink-haired woman peered inside, instantly smiling at the three occupants.

With a whoop, Ren and Lee raced towards Sakura, swamping her in an excited hug. Ren climbed up her father’s back, and leapt from his shoulders to loop around her mother’s neck. Sakura laughed at them both, giving a quick peck to Lee’s cheek while shifting Ren onto her hip, away from the blood stains that spotted the right side of her doctor’s coat.

Ikkaku eyed the red stains with distrust. Even more proof that his godmother was actually a crazy serial killer in disguise…

Sakura beamed at the young boy, ignorant (or uncaring) of his current thoughts.

“I’m sorry Ikkaku, but there’s been a change of plans,” Sakura said. “Some people got a little too excited with their celebrations, and now I have to do detoxes for over half of the Hyuuga… Will you be okay going to the ceremony with just Lee and Ren?”

The purple-eyed boy hummed, before gently nodding. Sakura beamed at his easy acceptance. “Good!” Sakura turned a playful glare to the bald man at her side. “You keep a good eye on him, you hear? I don’t want you and Ren getting side-tracked again because you’re visiting grandpa Gai or having one of your competitions…”

Lee saluted, with Ren following his lead a moment after. “Yosh! We Will Not Fail You, Sakura! If We Do…”

Ren beamed at her mother. “We’ll Wash The Dishes For A Week!”

Sakura smiled at the enthusiastic duo, and gave Ren’s hair a light comb through with her hand before setting her to the ground. Lee scooped up the pink-haired woman in a spinning hug, giving her face a sprinkling of kisses, both of them smiling.

Ikkaku cringed at the sight. Adults were weird…

Sakura gently slugged Lee on the arm, and with a last spin, he set her to the ground. Sakura carefully smoothed her stained coat, before sending a last smile to the sandy-haired boy.

“You be good, Ikkaku- your mom would be very upset if you got kidnapped again. No more following random animals!”

Ikkaku shrunk into his red jacket, long bangs falling forward to shade his eyes as his head tipped to the floor.

Sakura snorted at the innocent and overwhelmingly _adorable_ image he presented, before giving a last wave to her husband and daughter and departing the room.

“Yosh! We Must Go Watch The Ceremonies!” Lee exclaimed. Ren’s eyes grew determined, and she clenched her fists.

“Yes! And If We Don’t Cheer The Loudest…” She began.

“We Will Walk Around Konoha On Our Hands!” The excited duo cheered together, and engaged in a spontaneous race out the door. Lee was going much slower than he probably could have, but he didn’t seem to mind- he was too busy smiling at the determined little girl at his side.

Ikkaku blinked after the duo, then carefully made his way out of the room. The green clad daughter and father were racing down the hallway, and almost out of sight. Ikkaku made to follow them, and easily kept pace with them all the way till they exited the hospital, when a sudden glint caught his attention from the corner of his eye…

Purple eyes widened with quiet glee. With careful but hurried steps, Ikkaku raced after the swooping hawk, agilely scurrying after the low soaring bird.

Lee and Ren continued on, too caught up in their challenge to remember to keep track of their companion.

 

Xxx

 

Kakashi sighed contentedly from his position on top of the podium, surveying the enormous crowd that had gathered below. It was finally time…

At his side, a beautiful blonde woman nervously fidgeted, anxiously fiddling with the hiate-ate around her neck that was partially obscured by her shoulder length golden hair. The otherwise impressive cut of her figure, which was clothed in an imposing white cloak decorated with flames, was belied by her frantic perusal of the crowd.

“Mah, mah, Naruto, I’m sure everything’s fine- it’s alright for you to take one day ‘off’, so to speak. You are about to become Hokage, after all.”

Enraged blue eyes pinned Kakashi in place. “That’s a load of crap, and you know it! They’re all destruction magnets- _something’s_ going to go wrong. Oh Kami, Raiya was hanging around Shikaro- knowing her, she’ll find a way to convince him to try and enslave the village again! She has no self-preservation instincts either- just two weeks ago, she smuggled herself onto a merchant cart heading towards Mist, because she wanted to ‘wrestle with a shark’… Don’t even get me started on ‘Kaku! He’s the spaciest kid I’ve ever met, and he’s got the most ‘powerful weapon in the world’ at his disposal! He’s gonna get kidnapped again, and, and-”

Kakashi unceremoniously clapped a hand over her mouth, silencing the panicking blonde. The silver-haired man innocently smiled.

“Look on the bright side- with Iruka watching out for Kenji, one out of three will definitely be good! On top of that, Sakura will be keeping an eye on Ikkaku, and Raiya is being held hostage by Shikamaru. No one’s going to mess with them.”

Naruto’s breathing slowly evened, and after a moment, Kakashi removed his hand from her mouth. The blonde quirked an embarrassed smile. “Sorry about that- it’s just…”

“I get it, Naruto. But remember, today is your day- it’s time for your final dream to come true.”

Naruto beamed, and mustered up a wealth of confidence that she had been lacking before. “You’re right, dattebayo!” Naruto turned her head towards the cheering crowd, and after taking in a shaky breath, walked towards the edge of the podium. The volume of the crowd instantly ratcheted up a level at her appearance.

Kakashi quietly smiled, and strode up the podium to stand beside the blonde. He gave a last wave to Tenzo, who was beaming up at them from the front of the crowd, and then applied a stream of chakra to his throat. In his full ceremonial robes, Kakashi was the image of power, and with sweeping arms, he acknowledged the people below.

“Konoha! This has been years in the making, but the time has finally arrived… The time to announce the new Hokage!”

 

Xxx

 

Gaara smiled towards Naruto from his position above the crowd- as the visiting Kazekage, he and his chosen entourage had received a prime viewing spot. Situated to the left of the podium in a raised stand slightly lower than the Hokage’s, he was able to easily see the white cloaked woman he loved…

Though that love had tempered in recent years, what with certain… developments. Gaara wasn’t a home wrecker. Besides, ever since that fateful day nearly seven years ago, Gaara couldn’t help but be intimidated by the merest glimpse of the colour orange. Those interdimensional portals had revealed more… Naruto-ness than he could handle for a lifetime.

No, Gaara was content to be her friend. It helped as well that he always had his charitable organizations to distract himself with…

A sudden darkness swallowed Gaara, immersing him in impenetrable shadows. Gaara blinked slightly at the sudden loss of vision, before letting out a lightly amused sigh.

…Along with his niece, nephew, and godchild. The combined forces of which were nearly too much to handle at times.

“Shikaro, stop letting Raiya pester you into making shadows- this is an important day for your Auntie.” Gaara reprimanded.

After a moment, the shadows receded, revealing a brown haired boy staring up at Gaara with terrifyingly blank eyes. Gaara watched as the last strips of the shadows lingered at his feet, and then finally crept back to their confines in the corners of the viewing station.

A girl with a mess of dark red hair suddenly attached like a particularly clingy limpet to Gaara’s leg. She pouted, and wrinkled her nose at the Kazekage. “But Gaara-ji, we were just playing- it’s so borriiiingggg! Kaka-baka won’t stop _talking,_ and papa said I couldn’t set any more fires… One little shadow won’t hurt!”

Gaara’s eyes remained unimpressed, and unlike her brother, Raiya was unable to shift her brown eyed gaze into the dreaded ‘puppy dog eyes’. After a moment, she gave up, and stomped away from Gaara to sit between Shikamaru and Temari, who were seated across from Gaara. Shikamaru carefully scooped the girl up into his arms, shifting her so that she could see the podium above. With fidgeting hands, she twirled a strand of the Nara’s long, loose hair between her tanned fingers, heedless of his amused gaze.

“Kid, I know it’s boring, but you know how important this is. It’ll last another hour at most- you can hold out till then, can’t you?” Temari asked Raiya, carefully bouncing the small child sleeping within her arms.

Raiya buried her face within Shikamaru’s coat, but managed to nod. “Can… can you at least make some shadow puppets?” she mumbled. In answer, Shikamaru smiled and snapped the fingers of his right hand. Raiya giggled as small animals made of shadow formed from his fingers and slid down to twine across the surface of her arms.

Meanwhile, Shikaro had crept up beside Gaara. He gently pulled on the red-haired man’s pant leg. The small boy’s blank gaze shifted as he shyly smiled up at the red-haired man, the young Nara’s previously frightening demeanour becoming akin to something more childlike.

Gaara scooped up Shikaro, and snuggled together, the uncle and nephew watched above as the new Hokage was coronated.

A hawk screeched in the distance- but over the roar of the crowd, it went unheard, unnoticed…

Warning unheeded.

 

Xxx

 

Uchiha Sasuke, the last of his clan, bearer of the Rinnegan and Mangekyou Sharingan, scourge of the shinobi nations, most powerful man in the world, obsession of fangirls everywhere-

“P-please don’t cry! T-Tema can stay with you for the rest of the day, and I’m sure you didn’t mean to steal him, _oh merciful kami don’t start sniffling-_ ”

…had met his match. Which surprisingly came in the form of an adorable three and a half year old with a red-tailed hawk perched upon his head.

“…r-really? S-so you’re not angry?”

“No! Of course not!”

“…b-but you said I was a bird-thief, and should be ashamed of kidnapping other peoples summons…” The red-tailed hawk perched on the boy’s head glared back at Sasuke and let out an indignant skrawk. Sasuke swallowed nervously before meeting the purple eyes in front of him that were so… ‘powerful’, that they made the rinnegan seem like a joke.

“I- well, that was before I realized that Tema wanted to be with you! How could I be angry at someone who just likes birds? My brother did too, and I’m sure he would be very disappointed in me if I didn’t let you… ‘play’ with Tema.”

The child hastily wiped away the last of his budding tears, and shot a shaky smile back towards Sasuke. “…thank you, mister! But please, let me know if there’s anything I can do! I didn’t mean to make you worry about Tema…”

Sasuke heaved a sigh of relief- crisis averted. Pulling back the hood of his cloak to rub at his throbbing temples, the Uchiha chanced a glance towards the sky. He still had time…

Now that he was no longer on the verge of a complete and total meltdown, Sasuke took a long look at the young boy that he had found holding onto his hawk and had accused of thievery.

In hindsight, he should have known from the start that the boy was innocent. Shoulder length sandy hair, enormous purple eyes, and hunched in an oversized red and brown jacket, he presented the image of adorableness and innocence. On top of that were the animals- birds of all varieties had surrounded the boy, occasionally preening him, while a few dogs and cats looped happily around his ankles. Tema had clearly just been another victim of sheer cuteness, not thievery.

Something about the child felt kind of familiar though… It was something about the face, but Sasuke couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

“Uh, kid… What’s your name?”

Taking a break from stroking Tema’s puffed up chest, the boy looked up at Sasuke with long lashed eyes. “…o-oh, um, dad says not to talk to strangers, but if you’re Tema’s owner, you must be okay… I’m-” the boy’s words dropped off to a nearly unintelligible whisper, but Sasuke managed to catch the end of it. Though he was quiet and had a bit of a nervous stutter, the boy was strangely well spoken for his age, other than that last murmuring of his name, of course. Sasuke didn’t know him well, but he could already spot that the kid was smart. Geniuses had a manner about them, of which Sasuke was very familiar.

“Ikkaku… That’s a name you don’t hear very often.” And gave absolutely no indication on how he was able to enslave a bunch of animals to his freakishly adorable will. “Don’t you have any pets of your own that you could play with?”

Ikkaku turned sad eyes down at the ground. “…mom and dad say if I got one, we would eventually have two… then three… then three dozen. I keep asking if we can, though. After all… _maybe next time_ , they’ll say yes!” The small smile of the boy made the breath in Sasuke’s chest catch. The love of birds, the familiarity and uncanny intelligence, the weirdly pretty features, that _line_ …

…Itachi?!

Sasuke blinked, then gave a light shake of his head. The boy stared back with worried eyes, and despite the pain of the similarity… Sasuke smiled, before giving a sigh.

“You know what, Ikkaku, there is something you can do for me- I haven’t been around Konoha in a while. Would you mind showing me around? Just until the Hokage ceremony is almost done.”

The young boy furiously nodded his head, though his determined gaze was ruined slightly by his puffed cheeks and the bird on his head. The kid was just too cute for his own good…

As Sasuke was led around the village that had changed from what he once knew, he found himself happier than he had been in a long time. Later, he would achieve his final goal. But right now…

“And that’s Kaiza’s Pet World! It’s the best place ever! A-and over there is where the park used to be before Raiya tried to set up a chicken fighting ri… uh, that’s actually not important. Oh! And over there is Michiko’s! He has the best dango, you’ve got to try some- come on!”

…He could stand to spend a little time with a kid that reminded him of his brother. And, based on the kids lightning fast reflex’s in dealing with a falling pot that almost landed on one of the dog’s heads…

Well, maybe it was time Sasuke had an apprentice of his own while he settled down to build a family.

 

Xxx

 

Ino smiled up at the podium, gently fiddling with a strand of Shino’s hair as the new Hokage raised her hand to silence the crowd. It was amazing to see- with that single gesture, the crowd instantly quieted. They respected and loved their new leader, just as Naruto had always deserved.

“I pledge my life to Konoha- to every citizen standing here to today, and every citizen who will walk these streets in the coming years. I pledge-” Naruto carried on.

In her white coat, and with that hat capping her golden hair, Naruto was the center of everyone’s attention. But even Naruto’s incredible presence couldn’t keep Ino’s eyes from wandering- she still knew Naruto as the dweeb that could eat forty-two bowls of ramen, loved orange more than what should be considered possible, and had had a panic attack in front of Ino when talking about her true love. It made it somewhat difficult to be _too_ in awe of her.

As such, Ino let her gaze wander as Naruto continued to speak. There was Kakashi, proudly watching his student take over in his place. And there was Tsunade, trying not to cry! A flash of green- Lee raced by, looking somewhat panicked with Ren riding on his shoulders- he must have done something to piss off forehead…

And over there…

Ino blinked. Then blinked again. She brought her left arm up from its position slung down across Shino’s chest to rub her hand against her eyes, but the terrible image before her refused to fade. It- it _couldn’t_ be… But oh Kami, it was!

Ino’s mouth dropped at the sight of Uchiha Sasuke smirking up at Naruto from a nearby roof, a strange red and brown blob holding his outreached hand. Ino gave a spastic tug at Shino’s hair.

“Shino!” she loudly whispered. “To your left, on the post office roof!” Shino turned his head in the direction indicated… And instantly froze.

“I think we just found what will go wrong today. Why? Because Uchiha Sasuke is smiling like a homewrecker.”

And what an ominous foretelling of doom that was.

 

Xxx

 

“…it is with pride that I formally declare my resignation, and pass the torch to someone who embodies the will of fire. She has burned brighter than any other, and there is no one more deserving of this honour than her. And so, I now present to you, the Nanadaime Hokage- Umino Naruto!”

A tidal wave of cheers dominated the atmosphere as Naruto beamed from beneath the brim of her new hat. The citizens of Konoha howled there approval, along with visitors from numerous other lands. Naruto opened her mouth, preparing to recommence her speech as the crowd’s volume tapered off. An indignant cry stopped her before she could.

“ _UMINO_ NARUTO?!”

Heads furiously turned in the direction of the man who had dared to interrupt their leader’s acceptance speech. And there he was- a quick shunshin had deposited him in front of Naruto, in clear sight on the rail-less podium. The strange lump attached to his leg was ignored in favour of the man himself.

“Holy shit, it’s the Uchiha!”

Countless exclamations rose up as realization of who he was dawned, but Sasuke was heedless of the cries below him- he was entirely focused on the scowling woman in front of him, for once unattractive as he gawked intelligibly at the sight of her.

“Bastard! This is the first time I’ve seen you in, like, eight years- and this is how you say hello? By crashing my inauguration!?” Naruto rolled up her sleeves, hands fisting as anger lit within her eyes.

“Naruto! Don’t let him stop you from finishing your speech! This is your moment, not his! Let the guards clear him out!” a voice called from below.

Naruto instantly calmed down at the sound of the individual’s voice. She sheepishly smiled at whoever had called up to her, and yelled back, “Right!” A mature cast once again overtook her features. With a wave of her hand, six ANBU emerged in front of her, between Sasuke and herself.

“I’ll talk with you later, bastard- try and get your panties out of whatever twist they’re in before we do.”

Before the ANBU could reach him to be dragged away, Sasuke came to his senses. He furiously pointed at Kakashi. “You!”

“Me?” was the bemused response.

“Yes, you! I’ll go quietly- for now- but you need to fix your mistake first!”

Naruto, Kakashi, the ANBU, and even the crowd stared back at Sasuke in confusion.

Sasuke’s cheeks reddened. “Come on! It’s _obvious_! You misspoke! How can you all just stand around when he’s messing up something as simple as his own student’s last name? Sure, it won’t be Uzumaki forever (it’ll be Uchiha)… But is sure as hell is Uzumaki now!”

Silence descended. Sasuke awkwardly shifted under the atmosphere, and the blob attached to his leg buried closer, tangling under his cloak. Naruto’s eyes were wide with dawning understanding.

“Uh, Sasuke, you couldn’t _possibly_ …” Kakashi murmured.

“What? Couldn’t possibly what?!”

And that’s when the laughter started.

“Holy shit, he thought Naruto was single!” Tsunade cried. “Who’s the sucker now!” Tsunade’s minions, who were lifting her on a palanquin and feeding her grapes, fawned at her joke.

“Hah! He thought the boss would go for him?” Konohamaru exclaimed from within the crowd, then frantically changed location as a violent, paint splattered Anko furiously declared “YOU!”, pushing through the crowd to find him.

Ino teetered on Shino’s back with the force of her guffaws. “Come on, Sasuke! You had to have heard that The Bet finished! How could you _not_ know?”

Laughter faded to curiosity as everyone gathered for the ceremony stared at Sasuke, wondering the same thing- how _had_ he missed it?

Sasuke blinked. “What bet?”

No one spoke. Then, a single sound pierced the stupefied quiet- Kakashi face palming with a desolate crack!

“So much for you being my smartest student…” the ex-Hokage mumbled. His hand scraped down his face, and he turned beseeching eyes upon his hunched student. “Seriously- there were so many clues! I once dropped you off _inside_ the cabbage stand betting station, the Sandaime used to give you relationship advice, and there was literally a worldwide shipping frenzy, of which one team supported _you!_ For Kami’s sake, Sakura ranted to you on a daily basis how she would win The Bet because she thought Naruto was in love with me!”

Sasuke awkwardly shifted. “I don't know if I'm remembering this right, but I'm pretty sure I was distracted by a tomato stand across the street for the first, I though the Sandaime was giving me his blessing for the second, and I thought all those well-wishers were just more Uchiha fanboys and fangirls- they acted about the same. As for Sakura…” Sasuke reddened and looked down at the ground. “I… I tended to tune her out. I just hn’ed whenever she seemed like she wasn’t talking.

“But that doesn’t matter!” Sasuke exclaimed, throwing off the audience with the vigour in his words. He turned towards Naruto, who continued to gape at him. “Naruto- I know that I took a long time to get here, but I’m finally back. You don’t have to settle for second place anymore. Divorce is _always_ an option.”

Naruto froze. A trace of red began to leak into her irises.  **“You…”**

“IF WE DON’T GET TO BE HOME WRECKERS, NEITHER DO YOU!” Three furious voices exclaimed in synch. A wave of sand descended towards Sasuke, along with a shower of paint bombs and a particularly feral Hyuuga clan head.

Before Sasuke could retaliate, a sea of Naruto’s clones prevented the fight. They blocked the sand, intercepted the paint bombs, and gently corralled the blushing Hinata away from the podium. Each shot a particularly scathing glare at Sasuke, then less angry looks towards the three aggressors. Gaara, Konohamaru, and Hinata sheepishly returned to their previous locations.

Naruto, the original, that is, turned deadly eyes upon Sasuke. He nervously shifted the bundle attached to his leg under the force of her gaze.

**“Divorce?”**

Sasuke swallowed. “But-”

“But _nothing_ , Sasuke,” a new voice interrupted.

Sasuke whipped his head down towards the voice, whereupon the crowd parted to reveal the man that had crushed his final goal. Umino Iruka stared with hard eyes upon the Uchiha, then with a quick shunshin, deposited himself on the podium. Against Sasuke’s wishes, he felt himself shrink slightly under the force of the disapproving academy sensei stare.

“Iruka-sensei, what-” Sasuke began, but then stopped as his eyes caught on the bundle held within Iruka’s arms.

Suddenly, Sasuke knew defeat.

The small baby with brown hair stared back, blue eyes that were oh-so-familiar wide and beseeching.

Naruto slipped in beside Iruka, and carefully took the baby, which drooled from its overwhelming smile, from Iruka’s arms. The academy sensei slipped his arm around his wife’s waist as she tenderly held the baby, while staring at Sasuke with hard eyes.

“This is Kenji- my son,” Naruto declared.

Sasuke’s gaze fell to the ground once again. Maybe, if there hadn’t been a child, he would have pressed…

But no. Sasuke was only in the business of ruining marriages- not families.

To think, Sasuke had only missed his window by this much… But all the better that there was only one child. Any more would be increasingly brutal blows to his pride. They would be proof that Sasuke had missed the obvious for even longer, after all.

The Uchiha sighed, then reluctantly returned his gaze to Naruto. “…Fine, dobe. I- I wish you the best.”

Naruto slightly smiled. “Thanks, teme.” Her nose wrinkled. “Now stop interrupting my inauguration!”

“Ah- yes!” Sasuke coughed. He glanced at the increasingly impatient crowd surrounding him, and cut to the chase. “One last thing- while I was waiting for the ceremony, I ran into a child that I think would make a good apprentice one day. His name… is Ikkaku.”

With a flourish, Sasuke slid aside his cloak to reveal the young boy lightly gripping his pant leg. Naruto blinked at the sight, before her and Iruka’s faces pinched off into long suffering expressions.

“Ikkaku!” Iruka exclaimed. “Why aren’t you with aunty Sakura!”

The boy shifted, then turned big purple eyes upon the academy sensei. “…sorry, dad… there was this bird, and Mr. Uchiha needed a tour of the town…”

DAD?!

Ikkaku detached himself from Sasuke’s leg and slowly trod his way over to his disapproving parents. Naruto reached out a hand to smooth his hair back, while Iruka scooped him up into his arms. Kenji leaned across his mother’s shoulder to boop his brother on the nose with a pudgy fist.

Sasuke stared blankly at the family that was clustered together. Iruka and Naruto shared a commiserating smile, and the blonde lightly pecked the man on the cheek. It was _sickeningly sweet._

“At least there’s always Sakura,” Sasuke mumbled. She was, after all, his number one fangirl.

“DADDY! There’s Ikkaku!” A child’s voice cried, interrupting Sasuke’s wayward thoughts.

A green blur whipped onto the stage, and as it stopped, it revealed a bald man carrying a small, black haired girl on his shoulders. “Yes, Ren! For Finding Him, We Will Only Have To Wash The Dishes For A Week, and Not Skip Rope Six Hundred Times!”

“Daddy!”

“Ren!”

“DADDY”

“REN!”

A terrifying sunset emerged,  and Sasuke cringed away from the Youth! as the man swung the child down from his shoulders into an spinning hug. What kind of psychotic moron had let Lee reproduce?!

“Wait, you lost Ikkaku?!” A voice exclaimed. Sasuke turned his head, but the woman, clad in a blood-spattered doctor’s coat, had already made her way to the floor right below the podium.

The pink hair that capped her head sent a wave of dawning dread rushing though Sasuke’s veins.

“Ah! I Am Sorry My Youthful Blossom! In Return, Ren And I-”

“Will Wash The Dishes For _Two_ Weeks!” The little girl finished, her bright green eyes twinkling.

Contrary to his obliviousness from before, Sasuke wasn’t a complete idiot. Two and two joined together to create _green._

“THAT’S IT- NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE!” Sasuke exclaimed. He turned from the sights before him- Sakura giving Lee an exasperated smile, Naruto lovingly staring at Iruka, the boy he considered similar to Itachi giving him a small, shy wave…

The mountains in Kumo would probably be nice this time of year.

Naruto watched Sasuke depart with slightly worried eyes. “Man, I never realized that the teme had some sort of _crush_ on me- do you think he’ll be okay?”

Iruka snorted. “If the shippers can move on, so can he. Now- weren’t you getting inaugurated?”

Naruto beamed, and still holding Kenji, walked back towards Kakashi. “Lets keep this show rolling, dattebayo!”

“Me too, mama!” A voice cried. A red-headed blur, initially carried by a shadow, raced from the Kazekage’s elevated viewing station across rooftops and railings to end up at Naruto’s side. Iruka rolled his eyes, and scooped the laughing girl up into his free arm.

In his hold, Raiya and Ikkaku took a moment to stick their tongues out at each other, then turned to beam at their amused mother. Together, the entire Umino family made their way to the front of the podium. The audience roared, and Naruto grinned first at Iruka, and then at what was now her village.

From the crowd, Ino smiled. She gave a light tug on Shino’s hair.

“Hm?” the Aburame asked.

“How much do you think Sasuke is going to flip when he finds out there’s also Raiya?”

Shino laughed. “Knowing him, it’ll be another blow to his manly pride. But also knowing his obliviousness… I think he won’t find out until Naruto somehow ropes him into becoming her jounin-sensei.”

As the Hokage’s hat descended upon Naruto’s head, Ino grinned. “Wanna bet?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has questions about anything in Retrospect, feel free to ask!


	18. Omakes

**Omake #1: The Ultimate SasuNaru Shipper**

Kisame watched with exasperation as the genjutsu’ed Nara dazedly slid the paper and pen across the desk to the impassive Uchiha beside him.

“Damn, Itachi, overkill much?” Kisame asked. “I thought we were in Konoha to scout out the Jinchuriki’s weaknesses- _not_ make bets on her doomed love life!”

Itachi was heedless of Kisame. He was too busy signing away his life savings. He flourished the pen, and with a dramatic turn, deposited the paper within the Nara’s stack under a quickly applied genjutsu. Finally, he turned impassive eyes towards Kisame.

“Hn.”

“Don’t you _Hn_ me! We have a mission!” Kisame exclaimed.

“Hn!”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. There’s no way you’re going to triple your payouts from this.”

“…Hn.”

Kisame blinked. “Wah- your mom and her mom were friends?... Oh! So you think, just because your mom thought they would end up together, that they will?”

“ _Hn.”_

“I don’t know- seems like flawed logic to me… But I guess ‘destined rivals’ is the usual basis for romance when your shinobi.” Itachi shrugged in response, but there was a smug smile dancing across his lips.

Together, the duo departed the salon, out onto the streets to complete their mission.

However, unexpected _complications_ arose.

“Tsukyomi.” Itachi murmured, plunging Kakashi into the deep recesses of his genjutsu. “And now...” the Uchiha whispered, “face your worst nightmare!”

Within the mindscape, two figures spiralled into being. One was instantly familiar, though somewhat older than Itachi was used to. Naruto looked to be about eighteen, and had grown into quite the beautiful woman. The man next to her though… Who was that?

Brown hair, brown eyes, nose scar… Wait… That couldn’t be- Umino Iruka? The chuunin that once egged the Uchiha compound, and got away with it by finding a loophole in Konoha’s laws?

Itachi blinked. Then froze with horror as the two figures turned towards each other… And began to passionately make out.

“Noooo!” Kakashi cried. Itachi flinched away from the sight as well, heedless of the third spectre of the genjutsu that flashed into being and swore to kill Kakashi for ‘breaking his promise’. Itachi quickly cancelled the illusion and turned furious eyes upon the Hatake.

“For making me see that monstrosity, feel the wrath of the Uchiha!”

 

Xxx

 

Itachi narrowed his eyes upon Sasuke, who lunged at him with an enraged cry. Itachi easily dodged the younger boy’s opening strike, and with a lightning fast manoeuvre, pinned Sasuke’s arm to the wall via a kunai that he had impaled upon the younger Uchiha’s arm guard.

“Foolish little brother….” Itachi murmured. He turned his eyes towards Naruto, who was furiously glaring at him, then back to his brother, who was _also_ glaring at him. “You are too young for a love hotel… But good work. Maybe your existence is not so meaningless after all.”

Naruto blushed tomato red. “Love hotel?!”

Sasuke, on the other hand, paused in his struggles to free himself to flash a cocky smirk at the older Uchiha, who returned it with a nod of acknowledgement. “Hn.”

Itachi _smiled._ Everyone else in the hallway, including Kisame, flinched at the sight, despite the battles that were ongoing. “The Bet is as good as mine… Now- Tsukyomi!”

 

Xxx

 

Nara Hideyoshi shuffled through the bets sprawled across the table in front of him as he and his clansmen cleaned up the now defunct paperwork. Manic laughing periodically engulfed the room as the sheets were set aflame in the nearby incinerator, or used in rampant target practice.

Actions like these, only a few weeks ago, would have been considered sacrilegious. Now, however, they were practically therapeutic. The Bet, after all, was over- the victors paid and the losers extorted. They could _finally_ trash everything.

A piece of paper resting on top of the stack that Hideyoshi carried to the incinerator caught his eyes. The writing was strangely warped, but a quick “Kai!” corrected that. The form proudly proclaimed, “Naruto and Sasuke: 18 000 000 Ryo; Uchiha Itachi.” Hideyoshi blinked at the massive sum, then snorted. With a careless toss, he shunted the lost bet into the flames before him.

 

 

 

**Omake #2: The Ultimate SasuNaru Hater**

 “…kura, of course, was delusional the few times I bothered to listen to her- there’s no _way_ Naruto is in love with Kakashi. Ever since I saved her on the wave mission, I’d seen her, giving me these looks, thinking she was being so subtle- but I _know_ what asking for a spar means. And always talking about our time in the academy… she clearly was reminiscing on how great I was, and was finally seeing me in a different light! Don’t even get me started on the time I caught her writing her ‘name’, which was too short to be Uzumaki, and scribbling it out; U-something Naruto. _Obviously_ Uchiha. And…”

Orochimaru’s eye twitched.

It had been like this for _months_. The young Uchiha who was going to be his vessel was clearly delusional. He would, whenever the opportunity presented itself, rant about the object of his affections, and her ‘clear love for him’. How the idiotic boy missed the obvious evidence to the contrary was beyond Orochimaru.

He, after all, had seen more than his fair share of the Uzumaki’s actions that proved beyond a doubt where her affections _really_ lay…

_-Naruto yelled at Sasuke for nearly handing over the scroll to Orochimaru, and angrily screamed, “I’m not going to let you ruin the chuunin exams for me! I need to impress Iruka!”-_

_-Orochimaru received his report from one of his many spies that littered Konoha, and narrowed his eyes at a set of lines in particular- ‘The Jinchuriki has eaten with her old academy sensei, Umino Iruka, no less than fourteen times in the last week alone. Despite training with Jiraiya of the sannin and preparing for the chuunin exams, she still goes (sometimes completely) out of her way to engage him in conversion…’-_

_-Naruto beamed from the stadium grounds, ignorant of Neji’s prone body lying at her side. Orochimaru tracked her gaze, which was fixed completely and utterly on none other than the smiling Umino Iruka. The Sandaime, at Orochimaru’s side, laughingly brushed off a suggestion that the Uzumaki had developed a crush on the Hyuuga she had defeated, and extolled her blooming relationship with the last Uchiha. Orochimaru suppressed the urge to facepalm at his once-sensei’s stupidity_ -

…Honestly, Orochimaru had no clue whatsoever how so many, including the Uchiha before him, had missed the facts that were practically slapping them across the face like a woman Jiraiya had scorned. It was just so _obvious._

“…ra, but there’s no way Naruto could ever like that red-headed weirdo. The odds of that are even less than her having a crush on _Iruka-sensei._ Ridiculous! And…”

Orochimaru turned from Sasuke, who was oblivious to said snake-summoner’s lack of attention, to share a commiserating look of despair with Kabuto… Who was taking notes?

“ _Kabuto.”_ Orochimaru hissed. “ _What are you doing?”_

Kabuto slowly lifted his head from the notepad that he had been furiously writing on. His eyes skidded away from making contact with Orochimaru’s. “Ah, Orochimaru-sama, I’m… I’m collecting evidence for research purposes?”

Orochimaru narrowed his eyes. “You’ve caved, too, haven’t you.”

Kabuto sheepishly shrugged. “Sasuke is a _gold mine_ for information on The Bet. It’s clearly not him that Naruto will choose, because of his brother-complex, but based on his rants, I think I can figure out the true answer, and _win_ The Bet! Think of all the surgical equipment I could buy with that money, Orochimaru-sama!”

Sasuke continued to drone on, unaware of their conversation as he extolled on the ‘destined relationship’ between himself and Naruto while practising his weapons’ accuracy.

Orochimaru closed his eyes, and internally screamed. Ever since that blasted chuunin exams, a new… _Trend_ had worked its way through Oto’s ranks. It had started with only a few genin, yet slowly but surely, it had infiltrated the thoughts and actions of nearly every shinobi in his village. Orochimaru, of course, had held out against the latest fad, along with Kabuto, his trusty minion.

…Until recently, that is. Dammit, Kabuto!

Though he didn’t have any hard evidence to prove his thoughts, Orochimaru was sure that this godforsaken bet that had captured his shinobi’s attention was the work of Hiruzen. Even in death, after Orochimaru had finally defeated him, that old ape was still getting the last laugh.

“…en she pulled this one prank, using chickens, I subtly acknowledged her. Later, after the Hokage had chewed her out, she seemed dazed, but I heard her, going on and on about ‘precious people’ and ‘never realizing it was _love_ ’- clearly, my noticing of her finally got through that thick skull of hers. Now, she just has to wait till I’m ready to accept her feelings. I have another goal to accomplish first, after all, before I can restart my clan-”

Orochimaru groaned, and threw up his hands in a despairing gesture. “When! When will it end?!” he cried.

Kabuto cringed, then lifted his glasses with his right index finger in a nervous gesture, while his left hand clutched protectively around his intel on The Bet. “Ah, Orochimaru-sama, I’m sure it’s just hormones. He just _thinks_ he’s in love with her.”

These words did little to placate Orochimaru. If anything, they made his skin pale drastically, and crushed his very soul. The man’s eyes went blank as he stared at his future vessel.

_If it’s just hormones, does that mean that_ I’ll _be in love with the vile little demon when I take Sasuke’s body?_

The question would haunt him every day for years to come, all the way up until his death.

 

 

 

**Omake #3: Meanwhile, in the Afterlife…**

“This is an outrage!” Minato exclaimed. He furiously turned towards his wife, who raised an eyebrow at his anger. “Kakashi _promised_ me- and there he is now, giving Iruka the _go-ahead?_ When I get my hands on him, along with that chuunin-”

Kushina hmff!ed, and turned away from her husband, her long red hair whipping around to smack him in the face. As he spat out the lingering strands that had caught in his previously ranting mouth, she glanced over her shoulder and drawled, “Honey, you know I love you, but this is the _thirty-sixth time this day_ that you’ve made death threats involving Iruka- enough is _enough._ I’ll be with Mikoto, when you finally get your head out of your ass. She’s comforting Itachi, and probably needs some help.”

Minato watched Kushina walk away with despondent eyes, and sighed as he turned down to view the continued chaos that Konoha was experiencing. What he saw caused despair to once again enter his soul. Buildings being destroyed, a cult growing in strength,  a gang switching leaders- and worst of all, a man finally caving into temptation for Minato’s little girl.

It was even worse than the day Maito Gai had discovered green spandex, which Minato didn’t even think was _possible._ (Dear Kami, the _green-_ and still, this took the cake!) He was glad that he wasn’t alive to deal with the hellish nightmare in action.

…Though, if he was alive, he could _give that chuunin a piece of his mind-_

“Minato!” A loud voice interrupted. A heavy set arm swung around Minato’s shoulders, the sudden force nearly sending him tipping forward. Minato turned reproaching eyes on the man beside him.

“Jiraiya-sensei…”

“Lighten up!” Jiraiya interrupted, once again. “Here you are, getting your panties in a twist over nothing, while missing the beauty of what’s about to happen. Naruto is going to finally find happiness with the man she loves!”

Minato paused. He stared down again at Konoha, which was currently smoking thanks to the fires in the shinobi housing sector. His bland gaze returned to Jiraiya.

Said man waved away Minato’s pointed look. “So what if there’s been a little chaos? Things will work themselves out… And when they do, the newest Icha Icha will finally be released!”

Minato blinked. “That’s… A strange leap in logic… Why?”

Jiraiya smirked. “With Naruto’s sex-life amped up thanks to that chuunin, she’ll have enough creative juices to power her through at least a dozen novels, obviously!”

The blonde beneath Jiraiya’s arm froze.

Jiraiya casually detached his arm from the man that slowly began to emanate killing intent, and turned tail and ran, a smirk blooming across his face.

“JIRAIYA!”

Jiraiya raced on, pausing only slightly in his mad escape to cheerfully call out to a despondent Uchiha currently being comforted by two women.

“Suck it, Itachi! Perverts win again! SasuNaru can burn in shipping hell!”

 

 

 

**Omake #4: Shippers’ Anonymous**

“Thank you all for what you’ve shared today,” the speaker said, turning warm eyes around at the overwhelming number of people crowded in the small room. Though there must have been at least eighty chairs, there was nearly double that standing as well. “We’ve made some serious progress in the past few weeks, especially Kiba, who has finally returned from his soul searching trip to Kumo, and Chouji, who no longer faints at the word ‘rame-’”

“WE KNOW I DON’T- THERE’S NO REASON TO SAY IT.”

“…Ah, yes, Chouji,” the woman awkwardly acquiesced. She cleared her throat, and turned to take in the room once more. “It is with great pleasure that I allow Hanabi to take the floor, as our final scheduled speaker.”

The brown haired girl in question awkwardly rose from her chair, and walked with hunched shoulders to the limited space at the center of the room. She lifted her head, and with dead eyes, mumbled, “My name is Hyuuga Hanabi. And I am a victim of The Bet.”

“Hi, Hanabi,” the rest of the room droned back.

“I wasn’t one of the ones who lost my life savings to The Bet, like Izumo,” said man sheepishly shifted in his chair, “or one of the die hard shipper’s that couldn’t handle the reality of their ship not setting sail. Honestly, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass- I used to be a NejiNaru shipper, and afterwards, The Bet lost its appeal to me.

“No, it wasn’t the betting itself that ruined my life- I only had a small obligatory sum in place on Hinata. It- it was the _aftermath_ that made me come here- and _Hinata’s rage.”_

The rest of the room shivered. Kiba, in the back corner, carefully prodded at the most recent of bandages around his head that had resulted from mentioning Iruka in the presence of Hinata, and made the sign against evil.

Hanabi nodded at their reactions. “She’s gone _bonkers._ Last week, I found her ‘Restoring Sunshine’ list, which is a list of ninety-three different assassination plans to dispose of Iruka. Five days ago, _I_ had to stop her from jumping him while he and Naruto were on one of their dates. And yesterday, she wouldn’t stop mumbling in the night- she didn’t go to sleep, she was too busy repeating, over and over again, ‘Death to IruNaru’. _I didn’t sleep a wink._ And I have to _keep_ living with her, and am stuck mitigating the damage. _There is no escape.”_

The crowd watched with varying degrees of sympathy as Hanabi’s eye began to twitch. They were all in the same boat, though some probably had it even worse that the Hyuuga.

Ino, after all, still couldn’t stay in Konoha without getting at least five death threats a day- she and Shino had wisely continued to travel as the rest of the populace cooled down.

The brown eyed woman leading the session nodded thoughtfully. “Admitting your problem is the first step to overcoming it- we’re proud of you, Hanabi.” The rest of the crowd murmured their agreement, and Hanabi jerkily made her way back to her seat. “Is there anyone else that has something that they would like to share, before we wrap up for the day?”

Most of the shinobi nervously shifted in their seats, but one confidently stood. Shizune gave a determined bob of her head as she finished rising from her seat. “Yes- I know it’s been a long day, and I wanted to save this for the end so that we could all leave on a good note.” Shizune gingerly made her way to the center space reserved for speakers, and spun slowly in a circle to take in all the occupants. “As you all know, I worked as Tsunade’s personal assistant for a number of years. As such, I developed a near-unparalleled understanding of Konoha’s filing system. Using this, along with certain… _Skills,_ I was able to successfully solve the problem of _The Beast.”_

As one, the entire room gasped.  Shizune solemnly nodded, before giving an edgy smile. “What a coincidence, that the previous diplomat to Suna caught a case of the Sun-Lily Cactus Itch. A _new_ diplomat needed to be found… And isn’t it just perfect, that Nara Shikamaru is already courting Temari of the sand? He’s the perfect fit… And will be leaving within the weak for his new, permanent, mission.”

Silence descended. Then, the room _exploded_ with applause.

“WE’RE FREE! FINALLY FREE!” Genma cried.

Kotetsu grabbed the cabbage merchant at his side, both of them crazily jumping from their chairs and dancing around with their hands joined. “FREEDOM!”

“Shizune, you incredible woman you!”

“You are too kind, too pure for this world!”

Shizune blushed under the praise.

Kankuro, however, remained frozen in his seat. He, along with the few Suna shinobi that were in Konoha that had dropped in for the Shippers’ anonymous meeting, were petrified.

“ _Oh shit.”_ Kankuro whispered.

His words went unheard. The Konoha residents were too busy drinking the free liquor that was always provided at the traumatic weekly meetings.

(Shippers’ Anon would continue for the next thirty six years to deal with the fallout of The Bet.  It was a good thing that one of Ino’s reparation funds for initiating the ‘Day of Betting Hell’ was drafted towards continuing to pay for the booze.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a fun ride, but it's finally done... I hope Retrospect was enjoyable, and provided a good twist! Thanks again to all those who gave kudos, bookmarked this story, or gave reviews- your support was incredible! If my writing was to your liking, keep an eye out for "Trials, Tribulations, and Failings of a Dictator", "Amnesiac", and "Not The Team Seven You're Looking For", which will be multi-chapter Naruto stories. In addition, if you have any questions about Retrospect, feel free to ask! For now, though... Bye :)

**Author's Note:**

> As said in the tags, the pairings will be a surprise- if the imminent terror of not knowing the ships in this fic terrifies you, I would suggest backing away slowly... To those who will stay- hold onto your seats, cause things are going to get a little crazy- ninja-shipping level crazy....  
> 


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